to the Great Dreamer

Draw me near,
O Great Dreamer.
Reveal the depths of Your thoughts,
Reveal the dreams You had for me,
Before the earth's frame was formed.

December

December has been a busy month. I've been wrapping up projects and classes with my students. My students have been working on an entrepreneurship project in which they designed, marketed and sold their product to the school community.

I have also been busy attending rehearsals and concerts. My violin and musicianship have substantially improved and I'm so happy that I can play in 2 orchestras.

Life is good. God is good.

The Longing for Home

"It is when he comes home that he recognizes most poignantly that he is, at a deep level of his being, homeless, and that whatever it is that is missing, he will spend the rest of his days longing for it and seeking to find it."

----Frederick Buechner

Core Values

Spirituality
Truth
Compassion
Kindness
Acceptance
Honesty
Adventure
Friendship
Community

IBM

Today, I was invited to a Missionary Conference at a Baptist Church near Downtown San Salvador. Although the traffic was horrible and I was in a (sort of) cranky mood, God spoke directly to my heart. He reminded me the importance of following His example in loving the hurting, the broken and the marginalized. The sermon was heart-felt and sincere....not extensively elaborate. There was something that tugged my heart-strings: there is still so MUCH need in this world; so many people who need to know about Christ. So many people hurting and blind by all the lies from the enemy. And yet we as Christian tend to settle into shallow waters, shallow lives of comfort and mediocrity. God invites us into His boat to travel into the deep waters where we can sip and enjoy the depths of His wonders and mysteries.

I uttered a prayer later that night:

"Lord, lead me into the deep waters, although my feet may fail. Lead me where my heart truly belongs....to love those who are broken, lonely and hurting in this dark world."

A reflection

A lot of changes has happened these recent years that it's hard to imagine where I was 3 years ago. 

I am so thankful that I am no longer in a place where I felt drained and unhappy all the time. It's been taking me time to heal from all those bad experiences, but I give thanks to God that those memories and people are simply ghosts from the past. I don't want to be with them ever again. 

Sadly, most of my unpleasant experiences in life has been with religious people. 

Letting go of all that negative energy and bad experiences has been a challenge. But music has helped me through the process. 

Now I can breathe, and have the hope that God has the best prepared for me. 

From those experiences, I learned to discern, to establish healthy boundaries and to weed out toxic people. 

I also learned to be more selective with who do I let into my life; people who are positive, loving and whom I can have constructive conversations. People who genuinely care for my well-being and have no ulterior motives. 

I pray for more meaningful and loving relationships in my life. 

Culto Misionero Juvenil

Today, I had the privilege to speak about missions in front of thousands of youths. It was truly inspiring to see so many people wanting to go on missions and serve the Lord. I am thankful because it has been my desire to continue to serve in missions and God has provided me so many opportunities. I am planning to go to Honduras to serve the Garifunas this December. Please pray that the Lord may open the way for me to go for Him again.

First Period

This semester, I've been experimenting a lot with art and language in my lessons. I love engaging with my students with creative activities in class.

Here are some samples of my students' work and prepositional poems:

Music

Music is the movement of sound to reach the soul for the education of its virtue. ----Plato

Concert Night

Concert in Santa Ana

October

October has been a busy month full of concerts, missionary conferences and readings.

God has given me the wonderful opportunity to grow in all areas of my life.

I now belong to two orchestras which pushes me to practice the violin continually and expand my network. I am also aspiring to become a professional harpist, and I am receiving harp lessons. I was also invited to speak in front of 3000 youths about missions and different worldviews around the world in November.

Youth Philharmonic

Music is elixir to the soul. 

It was a privileged to play Beethoven's 5th Symphony, Haydn's 100th Symphony and Bach's Air in one of El Salvador's Landmark this Saturday. 

In other news, I have recently joined the Youth Philharmonic of El Salvador. I play in the first violins section. So much fun.

Adventurous

I've always been the adventurous kind of person.

The kind of person that sees life as an experience, rather than an end itself. The kind of person that receives a phone call from a friend, hops into the next bus and visits an indigenous village the same night. The kind of person that is curious for life and is open to see the world in different ways.

My best life experiences come from traveling.

I still want to see and experience so many things in life. I want to see what human trafficking is like in South East Asia and do something about it. I want to visit the Garifunas in Honduras and see how their culture and identity has evolved throughout the years. I want to study about the exile of the Jews in Spain and how they have adapted to other cultures while still preserving their customs. I want to reach to new depths of understanding of the human condition and gain a richer perspective in life.

It's been my lifelong fascination to travel and experience other cultures.

Oceans

Here is a video from the most recent concert I played (violin) last month with the Christian Symphony of El Salvador.

In other news, I got into the Youth Philharmonic Orchestra of El Salvador. I will be playing Haydyn's 100th Symphony, Beethoven's 5th and Bach's Air next month along with visiting Musicians from Spain.

God is good.

A Conversation

*In Class, while teaching the meaning of the word 'Apostate'*

Me: "So, my parents are not Christian but I am thankful that they let me choose my faith."

A student at the back: "What made you choose Christianity, Ms?" 

Me: "I once prayed to Buddha and he didn't answer my prayer." 

Another student: "Qué resentida, Ms." 

Student at the front: "You keep surprising me." 

A Letter

#foreversisters #eternalbond

An Encouragement

Some years ago, a brother wrote me this message that keeps encouraging me to write in my blog to this very day. 

(Circa November 2011)

Brother:
Hi Karen,

Hope you are well.

Just thought I'd let you know that in our writing session last Sunday, we read your poem/testimony and it touched many of the UK brothers and sisters, it inspired and helped them to write their own poem and personal letter to God as many felt the same way you did in your words. May He keep using you to encourage, glorify and lift up his name in many different way.

My Response:
lol where did you find it? which poem?

Brother:
It was from your blog - looking at yourself from the Lord's view. We've been doing writing and poem sessions for the last two weeks. A sister's poem was really good! Pure and straight from the heart - you can tell from what she wrote related to your poem the most.

All of me wants all of You

[The train of thoughts of the woman that touched the fringe of Jesus' robe]
Matthew 9:20-22

All of me wants all of You,
All of me craves and yearns
for You.

I have been unhappy for so long,
Broken, sick and beat by life's
blows-
Hammered, simmered and shattered
By my shame and sorrows.

I have been bleeding for so long.
Heal me, for I need Your gentle touch,
Your warmth and relentless love.

All of me yearns for You.

Seep, seep deeply into my every marrow and bone,
Fill me with Your eternal gladness and joy...
And make me whole.

[She touches Jesus' robe. Jesus turns around and says,  
“Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.”]

Conversations

Three childhood friends sit by the beach side and talk about relationships and life.

"You know, I am glad that things did not work out with my ex, because now I met this wonderful guy."
"Things always happen for a reason."
"He didn't treat me well, and I knew that he was not the one in the beginning. But I got carried away with my feelings. Thinking back, I was not in love with him. Rather, I was in love with the idea of being in a relationship."
"I think we all had a fair share of bad experiences..."
"And we need those bad experiences to know what we want and what we do not want out of a relationship."
"It's always a learning process..."

Hindsight

"Thinking back, the number one reason that has driven me to make pivotal decisions is my zest for life...my will to live and make sense of all things. Once I realized that I was trapped in a system of false beliefs and conducts, dead-end relationships...I bravely took a leap of faith and got out of those situations fast. And I have no regrets in doing so. I've learned to trust my gut instinct. I believe that there are greater things in life, and that all these things reflect the invisible and the eternal that God has prepared for us. I won't settle for anything less.

There are still so many things I want to do in life -travel more, learn more, make more meaningful connections, laugh more, cry more, contribute more and love more. And for that, I need to constantly get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. I believe God created in me an insatiable spirit for adventure and newness in life. And to be caged in a state of ennui and the mundane is torture.

The secret of happiness is freedom,
The secret of freedom is courage."

Sarah Chang plays Sibelius Violin Concerto

#violingoals #rolemodel #beauty #talent #grace

This Sunday

This Sunday marks 1 year since I came back home. A LOT has happened this year, but I am thankful for all the experiences.

Here is a picture summary of a typical Sunday for me in El Salvador: Church during the mornings, working in the afternoon, Orchestra Practice and then hanging out with my cousins.

Sundays are my favourite days.

Top Moments of my Life

If my life was a movie, here would be the top moments that has significantly marked me:

Going through High School with my Besties- much laughter and deep conversations

My first mission trip in El Salvador that ignited a passion to go to all nations!

Graduating with these goofs. Good times.

Visiting my best friend in Winona. Learned all about Dorothy Day and Morality during that trip

Field School in Oaxaca, Mexico! Learned lots about Oaxacan Culture and teaching ESL

Seeing my good friend during a music tour in Virginia

Conversations with El Maestro about life, humanity and education. Super enriching.

Visiting the Johnsons at Winston Salem. Learned all about Moravian culture,  sugar cakes and Duck Dynasty!

Joining the Nahuat Collective. I discovered that I have a deep connection towards indigenous culture.

I pray that I may continue to encounter amazing people in my life. I live for those moments

Visionboard

• My dream is to move to Mexico one day and teach ESL at a beautiful and peaceful city.
• I want to be surrounded by music and art everyday. I want to have the freedom to travel, explore and meet new people.
• Teach ESL in the morning, go to the University in the afternoon to take Literature + Writing courses. Tacos and beer at night and have all sorts of fun and interesting conversations.
• Weekends will be dedicated to supporting missionary work in indigenous villages. Make meaningful connections, take pictures, collect stories and eat delicious food.
• I want to read and write to my heart's content in the Zocalo. 
• I also want to join a local orchestra and play beautiful music for people's and my personal delight. 

 Such is the life that I dream. 

Mysterium Tremendum

"According to Rudolph Otto, the reason is mysterium tremendum, that sense of tremendous mystery that surrounds our every thought of God, our every prayer to him. Beyond faith, trust, love, peace and joy, we sense an element of bewildering strength - a strength so great that it would be humanly impossible for us to create, invent or manufacture such experience. For one reason it may come sweeping like a gentle but relentless tide, saturating the mind and heart in a self-forgetting spirit of profound worship.

At other times, the force of mysterium tremendum may erupt like a volcano, surging from the depths of the soul in spasms and convulsions. It may lead to intoxicated frenzy such as that experienced by the sixteenth-century mystic Philip Neri, who would press his hands with all his might against the walls to forestall spiritual inebriation, levitation, or ecstasy. At still other times, the force of mysterium tremendum may become the hushed trembling and speechless humility of C.S Lewis, who was "surprised by joy." Whatever the nature of the experience, we stand in the presence of mystery inexpressible, above all creatures and beyond all telling.

It is the decisive inbreak of God into our personal history, the transforming moment when tenderness is no longer congruent with our perception of reality; the felt intimacy of a bygone faith is inappropriate to the present parameters of spiritual experience; "Abba," "beloved Father," "brother Jesus," and "gentle Spirit" have become dry words, vacant images that resonate no more in the inner sanctum of our heart. Those words and images have served their purpose as anthropomorphic pointers to the reality of Too-Much-Love that lies beyond, and tenderness is redefined as mercy.

When that moment of truth arrives we no longer have any resources to resist the imperious summons of mystery, no credentials of independence to flash. The moment of truth has arrived."


-----Brennan Manning
The Wisdom of Tenderness: What Happens when God's Fierce Mercy Transforms our Lives

Mission trip to Pachuchup