Rose of Zion

Out of darkness,
The Rose of Zion has blossomed into life.
How beautiful and glorious she stands,
Rejoicing over her new found freedom.

Though her vale of tears have watered her night and day,
She is no longer called Mara,
For the light of truth shone through.
Now her life blooms with delight.

How she rejoices in the truth!
How she hopes in the best in life!
O great faith that openeth her eyes.
O great love that faileth not. 

More musings

"I held you in my arms and did not want to let you go."

I stayed over my cousin's place for a couple of days in Fontana (California) and met my beautiful niece, Ariella.

She is so precious...

Recently, I've had deeper realizations on life.

The more I understand God's heart and His love, the easier is for me to treasure people and love them for who they are.

I understand that we are a fallen race. We are not perfect. But we are still precious. Every human being is worthy of love and acceptance.

Love is what makes life beautiful. 

This Wonderful Break has come to an End

Today, I flew to Los Angeles (transit to Vancouver), and decided to stay a couple of days with my cousin and meet my newborn niece. After a 5 hour flight, I got off the plane, rented a car and drove down to Fontana. Along the way, I prayed with thankful tears to God, thanking Him for restoring my health, mind and spirit.

(The latter part of the trip was spent singing and dancing to Spanish music. I've learned to have fun with myself once in a while.)

In short, I have learned A LOT during this much needed break. I learned very important lessons. God has been very gracious to me during this time of weakness, and once again...He has swept me off my feet with His personal love towards me.

Here is a summary of the things I have learned that has made me a better person:

Fear is optional. Fear can come as a feeling, but you can easily overcome it if you decide not to succumb to it. Courage comes when you face your fears, not when you avoid them.

Your mind should be a fortified city, not a broken door: I learned that I have control over negative thoughts and emotions. The key to this is awareness and discernment. Once I know that this thought is harmful to my mind, I immediately block it. God gave us a spirit of self-control. So use it.

Love yourself unconditionally. People in your life will always come and go. The person who will always be there for you (other than God), is you! This Summer, I became my own best friend, and promised myself to fight for my own happiness, well-being and self-respect. No one else will do it for you.

Love your neighbour as yourself: Love is like a mirror. If you don't love yourself, it will be very difficult to love others. When you truly love yourself, your capacity to love others will expand. Remember, love is about seeking the goodness, edification and joy of others. Don't confuse it with lust, which seeks to satisfy carnal and evil desires.

You are responsible for your life. Are you stuck in a situation that you don't want to be? Do you hate your job? Do you want to accomplish your goals but you are just a wishful thinker? You have the power to change things. God has entrusted this life to you for a reason. And you must live it well. Don't settle for mediocre because you will never be happy. Trust me.

We were called to Freedom: Often, I encounter people who live under society's expectations, and are afraid to take risks. They sometimes are too afraid to face life that they rather live under other people's shadows. But you have to realize that this is your life! YOURS, not theirs. God gave us the amazing gift of free will to choose what we love to do, and who we want to love.

Obedience and Humility are the key to success: Ego and pride are the most destructive forces of this planet. Arrogant people rarely accomplish much. I learned that obeying God's word and having a humble attitude is the only way that I can live up to my full potential and love others selflessly.

Love deeply. Love intensely: Love is what makes my life so meaningful and beautiful. Love is the greatest truth in the universe. Love is the most honourable legacy that will remain after you pass away. Life is short...so love deeply and love intensely. To give is more blessed than to receive.

I've learned a lot more but it will take hours to write it all down. All in all, God is good. He is a wonderful teacher and a wonderful healer. I am so thankful for my illness, and so thankful that He humbled my heart so that I can learn and apply these lessons in my life with an obedient heart.

10 quirky habits

Since this topic is trending on Facebook (but I don't want to appear obnoxious), I decided to write down 10 quirky habits of mine:

• I love driving in the rain with the classical radio on, and just letting my thoughts run deep. And I love to pray in the car. I love heavy rain.
• I would speak in fluent English in a conversation, and then insert a random Salvadorean expression (in Spanish) to try to illustrate a situation. But then I forget that the listener does not speak Spanish, and apologize afterwards (happened multiple times...so embarrassing).
• I'm really anal about grammar and punctuation. I constantly stop myself from correcting other people's grammar. I'm an English Language Major.
• I'm an old soul. Most of my favourite authors and poets are dead. I love vintage fashion. I hear old songs and watch old movies. I minored in History.
• Whenever I order coffee, I like it simple and light. Medium roast with light cream and no sugar. 
• I like to keep my fingernails short and groomed. I think long nails are gross.
• I have the weird habit of quoting authors or TV characters at random moments during conversation. I also quickly pick on literature, historical or pop culture references. 
• I love to travel. Traveling makes me feel alive. 
• I've been blogging since I was 15. Writing is my favorite hobby. 
• I sing too loud on the shower. 

Kandom photos: Today's morning swim was glorious. We went to a natural spring water pool to swim. I love El Salvador.

Musings

Life is quite interesting.

Nobody taught you how to figure out your life. There was no manual attached when you were pushed out of your mother's womb. But rather, you find yourself in the loving arms of the Heavenly Father who has sustained you to this very day.

And then, there are those dark little moments. You are lost, but you find yourself in the most unexpected manner. Amidst tears and laughter, you recognize your own humanity -- you are not perfect, but you are indeed wonderfully and fearfully made. Your pride is broken by life's sorrows and sufferings. Your soul is sanctified in your tears and sleepless nights. You fervently sing with gratitude to that loving Father who has guided you gently to the truth.

You are humbled. And in your humility, you gain freedom and joy.

In silence, you hear the universe echo melodies of His divine love.

You discover that you are not alone. There are other human beings singing the same bucolic song like you. You discover that everyone, regardless of creed, race or shape, is made of the same precious substance inside. You learn to lay aside your differences, and embrace each other with love.

The greatest truth in this universe is love. Everything will pass away, but love is the greatest.

Kandom photos: I've been in touch with nature during these 5 months back home. A series of contemplative measures has led me to a deeper understanding of life and the universe. 

Honour your father and your mother

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you."
(Exodus 20:12)

My lovely parents are my greatest blessing in life. Their hard-work, honesty and kindness have inspired me to become a better person. They have endured a lot in the past, but they are now very happy and successful people.

I know that I will not have them forever. So I try my best to enjoy every moment with them, and show my love and appreciation for them. I don't want to regret that I did not spend enough time with them.

Young adulthood is so interesting. Life challenges makes you go back to your parents for advice with a humble heart. Result: maturity and wisdom.

Meditations on a Monday morning

[While taking a walk under the Eucalyptus trees reading the Book of Revelations, beautiful thoughts fill my mind.]

Our lives come to full fruition when we seek to glorify God and stop doing things for our personal gain or to please men.

It has been the desire of God since eternity to eternity for men to glorify Him. He will not rest until He gains our hearts. To love Him is to glorify Him.

At the early age of 24, I realized that I cannot depend my happiness on men. Men live under the fallen state, and are bound to disappoint me. I should lean my understanding and heart towards God, and work hard for His dream which is also my dream and happiness.

I cannot put my expectations on men. To expect others to change for my happiness would be unfair for them. I can only accept them for who they are and love them. This shall be done under the motivation of glorifying His name.

What will I render the Lord when I see Him? Will I be able to say: "You have given me much, and I have given you also much in return. I cast my crown before You". Or will I be ashamed and say: "I'm sorry, Lord. I did not trust in Your promise and ran away. My life was a waste because of my lack of faith".

We are accountable before God and not before men. Keep that in mind and you will live your life differently.

Selah

Conversations

Two gypsies sit with their guitars after playing Flamenco on a beautiful Thursday afternoon.

"Are you a sensitive person?"
"Yes."
"Don't confuse sensitivity with vulnerability. Being sensitive does not mean that you are weak."
"..."
"You should seriously let go of all the phantoms of the past. There are just shadows. They don't exist, yet they are hindering you from experiencing life and happiness."
"I've been trying."
"Do you want to be healed?"
"Yes."
"Letting go and taking responsability for your life is part of maturity. I went through a similar experience than you. But guess what? Yes, you were hurt. But you only get hurt when you allow them to hurt you. But shake it off, woman. You deserve to live! You are a woman of God. You are beautiful, intelligent and caring. It's God's will for you to live a good life, full of abundance and happiness. Whatever harms you, does not come from God."
*Smiles*
"You have power over your thoughts and emotions. The Lord already overcame everything for us. But you have to live it out. You have to display that faith through your actions and decisions in life. Think of the children you will be helping. They need you. They need to see Christ in you. You can't preach and not be able to prove it with your life and actions. God needs to use you because there are very few people like you. You are a sensible person, so make sensible decisions"

He flings his arms up in the air and starts to dance. "Live, woman. You deserve to be happy!"

That night I finally let go of all the phantoms of the past. I made the decision that I will no longer allow them to harm me. No more.

Next morning, my back pain disappeared. I felt a great relief.

I was healed.

My Father's Teachings

"Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." (Proverbs 1:9)

Being home means spending lots of time with my parents. What I appreciate about my parents is that they are very kind and down-to-earth. I love them and admire them so much.

My dad has given me much useful advice on life. I thought that it would be a good idea to share it in my blog. Even though he only studied until 4th grade, his wisdom, hard-work and determination has made him a very successful man. Much of his teachings come from his life experince. However, I find that much of his principles are influenced by Confusius and Lao-Tze. Real wisdom derives from distinguishing what is right and wrong, and choosing to do what is right. Therefore, keep your moral compass strong.

Here are some of his advices that he has been teaching me since I was a small child. They didn't make much sense until I've reached early adulthood. I wished I heeded his advice earlier on, but it's never too late.

"Don't think too much. Life is pretty simple. Be a good person and you will experience good things."

"Don't be lazy or you will be despised by people."

"People don't like it when others are better than them. It's part of their nature. Therefore, be humble and sincere."

"Don't brag or boast about your possessions or accomplishments. People will envy you and hate you for that."

"Never owe anything to anyone. Pay your debts on time."

"Always think about the other person's needs first. Always yield and be kind."

"Never take advantage of people. People are not dumb. If you take advantage, you will lose their trust."

"Family should always be priority. Money comes and goes, but family always stay."

"Angry people do not accomplish much in life. Learn to tame your anger. To lose your temper is to lose respect."

"You don't have to be really smart or beautiful to be successful. Most successful people are successful because they are hard-working, honest and determined."

"Keep all your promises or you will lose credibility."

"Work hard and help people out. Respect is earned...not a given."

"Be honest and never lie or cheat. If someone entrusted a task to you, do it well. To be lazy is cheating."

"Treat people well and they will treat you well back. If not, kill them with kindness. Good will always be stronger than evil."

"Make sure you live a balanced life. Eat well, rest well, work hard. Arrange your time well and you will live well."

"Be happy and enjoy life."

Education in school may give you skills that will later help you in your professional life. But education in the family leaves a legacy behind. Your parents play an integral part in shaping your principles, values and world view. Sadly, parents nowadays are too busy to educate their children and leave this job to educators. But keep in mind that teachers will never be able to replace their role as a parent.

The lack of effort in parenting shows in children's behaviour. Children nowadays lack discipline and are more self-centered than previous generations. If we are not willing to assume responsability and sacrifice our time, it may affect a whole generation.

I have always believed that children are our best investment. Parents should put more effort in educating and spending more time with their children.

Sketches

[Mapping out Vancouver]

2010AD

I remember taking the Number 19 during my college days. The bus is notorious for its rude drivers, pickpockets and incessant chatter. The bus receives its passengers in the most automated manner: Exhale, kneel down, beep beep beep, back up and off again. Yet the thing would breathe life sometimes; the trolley pole would set off sparks, bounce like an elastic band, impelling a rather disgruntled driver to take out his weathered thick gloves leaving a bus full of impatient passengers behind.

The bus meanders down Kingsway, past Rona Home Centre, past Famous Foods, past Fraser Street until it finally merges with Broadway...a major artery that cuts across the city of Vancouver. Stepping down, I would find myself in the intersection between East and West. To my right is Our Town -a homey-pseudo-hipsterish coffee place that serves decent Americano. To my left is Thai Son, a tolerable Pho place which would burn down years from now on an unforgettable night of fire frenzy - five trucks lined up gushing water through the roof while curious residents gather around to watch the building ablaze.

I have always considered this city as a unified fragmented universe. Somewhat like a Ten Thousand Village Store inside a city of glass. To the South, between 50th and Main, you have little India -the colourful saris, exotic mannequins and goods evoke a foreign air around the area. Walk East a few blocks (well, 15 blocks to be exact), you find yourself in Victoria Drive -a mini China town with Mandarin-speaking walk in clinics, herbal stores, cha chaan teng and scrumptious Asian bakeries. Chong Lee is around the corner with discount vegetables and fruits on Wednesday nights. Travel north and you will hit Kingsway again.

As you travel along Kingsway and merge into Main Street, you will see that the urban landscape morphs into a greyer area. Driving past the Pacific Centre Mall, past Keefer St, past East Pender and into East Hastings, you will find people pushing their carts with empty bottles and their belongings, asking for cigarettes or spare change. This area, better known as Downtown East Side, is noted for its high incident of drug use, violence and crime.

Turn left and you will eventually reach Downtown Vancouver. High-end stores along Robson present a stark contrast to the grim alleys surrounding East hastings paved with shattered glass and needles. Women cladded on Lululemon power walk on Saturday mornings while busily texting on one hand and holding a Grande Caramel Macchiato on the other. The smell of molten caramel and rocky mountain apples waft through the air. Street musicians play classical pieces with their hungry dogs staring apathetically at passer-bys.

The number 19 eventually discharge into Stanley Park -a lush forest of pines, chubby squirrels and totem poles. I never quite understood how a city could be so diverse and unique at the same time. Yet the city stands quite confined in its own realm, unaffected by the outside world, still and sterile. There was hardly any change during the years I was there, except for the construction of the Canada line and the burning down of Taco del Mar in West Broadway. Even though I know Vancouver's topography like the palm of my hand, and have mentally mapped out all its sights, sounds, scents and vibes into random compartments of my brain, I never understood the residents of the city. People are nice and very polite, but quite shy. Conversations waver around superfluous small talk -the weather, the Canucks, coffee, shopping deals and so on. People tend to be a little bit self-conscious and overly cautious not to offend or step into somebody's toes. Yet I never fathomed why the city erupted into rampant destruction and mayhem after losing the Stanley Cup. It was only a Hockey Game, after all.

Home

Coming back home was probably the best thing that happened to me this year. Initially, I wasn't very happy with the decision. But the Lord knew the need in my heart.

These 5 months back in El Salvador has been filled with love, laughter and bliss. My heart is filled with gratitude and reverence when I see all my family and friends healthy and happy. I will remember this year as one of the happiest years in my life.

As I said to one of my close friends...10 years from now, I will look back and remember that I was a happy and beautiful young woman blessed beyond measure.

This bible verse pops into my mind when I think about all the good times:

Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil. 
(Psalm 90:15)

Hope

Life has taught me:

There are always new beginnings.
You can change your dreams and aspirations.
You can love again.
God is with you always.