Dia de Enero

"Ya vas a ver como van sanando poco a poco tus heridas."

Deep inside, I'm still the introverted girl that loves Shakira songs, history books and good poetry.

Some things never change.

The Great Yearning

I've been thinking a lot about eternity lately.

I believe that hope is essential for a happy and healthy Christian life, specially for the down-trodden and the broken-hearted. Hope keeps my heart from falling into the pit of despair.

There is something about eternity that really captures my heart. I came up with three main points of why I look forward to eternity.

1. The fulfillment of God's dream and my dream. The church will be complete. New Jerusalem is the culmination of God's plan. I look forward to that epic moment of the manifestation of the bride --when New Jerusalem descends from heaven to earth. The bride will be in her full splendour and glory. Although the Bible mentions that there will be no more tears, that day I will shed tears of exuberant joy. I strive for God's dream everyday.

2. The restoration of broken relationships. I must admit that this is one of the main reasons why I look forward to eternity: the family reunion in the clouds. No more separation. No more misunderstandings. No more sorrows and tears. All the saints will dwell in love and harmony with God. The verses in Psalm 133 resonate within me as I write these words.

3. The hope of the better things to come. The failures and the temporal nature of this world convinces me that there must be far better things to come. What we live is merely a shadow of eternity.

"...for the former things have passed away" (Revelation 21:4).

"Behold I am making all things new" (Revelation 21:5).

Rejoice! For eternity is at hand. Let us all enjoy our journey Home.

De la Vida del Cielo

Alma región luciente,
prado de bienandanza, que ni al hielo
ni con el rayo ardiente
fallece, fértil suelo,
producidor eterno de consuelo;
de púrpura y de nieve
florida, la cabeza coronado,
a dulces pastos mueve,
sin honda ni cayado,
el buen Pastor en ti su hato amado;
él va y en pos dichosas
le siguen sus ovejas, do las pace
con inmortales rosas,
con flor que siempre nace
y cuanto más se goza más renace;
y dentro a la montaña
del alto bien las guía; ya en la vena
del gozo fiel las baña
y les da mesa llena,
pastor y pasto él solo, y suerte buena.


---Fray Luis de León

Be anxious for nothing

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

This verse helped me a lot today.

I'm glad everything is now solved. I can move on happily in life.

God is so good to me :D

Te recuerdo como eras

Te recuerdo como eras en el último otoño.
Eras la boina gris y el corazón en calma.
En tus ojos peleaban las llamas del crepúsculo.
Y las hojas caían en el agua de tu alma.

Apegada a mis brazos como una enredadera,
las hojas recoían tu voz lenta y en calma.
Hoguera de estupor en que mi sed ardía.
Dulce jacinto azul torcido sobre mi alma.

Siento viajar tus ojos y es distante el otoño:
boina gris, voz de pájaro y corazón de casa
hacia donde emigraban mis profundos anhelos
y caían mis besos alegres como brasas.

Cielo desde un navio. Campo desde los cerros.
Tu recuerdo es de luz, de humo, de estanque en calma!
Más allá de tus ojos ardían los crepúsculos.
Hojas secas de otoño giraban en tu alma.

---Pablo Neruda

In Awestruck Wonder

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand.

[Psalm 139:17:18)

If I could count Your thoughts,
It would take me an eternity to number them...

I was meditating the other day,
about how would I spend my days in eternity.
In the Millennium,
I want to travel to all parts of the world with the Lord.
I want to have long, deep conversations with Him...
Meet His gaze, and feel His heart beat.
I want to compose songs together
under the stars,
and sing our love to one another.

I long for Him.
This is such a crazy yearning.

We are like those who dream

When the LORD brought back the captivity of Zion,
We were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter,
And our tongue with singing.
Then they said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”
The LORD has done great things for us,
And we are glad.

(Psalm 126:1-3)

Identity

[I'm going to be a nerd, and post my lifespan paper on identity in my blog.]

Erik Erikson’s fifth stage of psychosocial development consists of identity versus role confusion (Berger, 2010). The adolescent in this stage is constantly seeking his or her identity. The complexities of finding one’s own identity as a person become the primary crisis of adolescence (Erikson, 1968). In this paper, I will attempt to discuss and explore the development of my identity as an adolescent using Erikson’s psychosocial development theory and James Marcia’s theory of identity achievement.

According to Erikson, the ultimate goal that resolves this crisis is identity achievement (Berger, 2010). Identity is achieved when adolescents reconsider the goals and values set by their parents and culture, while accepting some and rejecting others. “With their new autonomy, they maintain continuity with their past in order to move toward their future” (Berger, 2010).

Inspired by Erik Erikson, James Marcia described three specific ways in which young people cope with this crisis as they strive for identity achievement: role confusion, foreclosure and moratorium.

Role Confusion is the opposite of identity achievement. It is characterized by a lack of commitment to any goals or values, with apathy and indifference regarding every possible role (Berger, 2010). Role confusion is sometimes called identity diffusion. Some adolescents seem diffuse, unfocused, apathetic and about their future.

To some degree, I experienced role confusion during my last year in High School. I suffered a mild case of “senioritis.” During my last term as a senior, I struggled to get out of bed to go to school. The overwhelming stress of final exams, projects, oral presentations and maintaining my circle of friends triggered a reaction in me. I became more withdrawn. I refused to go to parties, and preferred to read on a Friday night. According to my mom, I became lazier. I was unwilling to help in my family business when they needed me. I wanted my space. My response to demands and stress was indifference.

Foreclosure occurs when, in order to halt the confusion, young people short-circuit their search by accepting traditional values without examining them (Berger, 2010). Or they might adopt an oppositional, negative identity.

I experienced an onset of identity crisis as a Chinese in a Spanish speaking country. Should I embrace my parent’s culture or conform to the majority of my peers? There were no clear-cut traditional values for me. I had to juggle around my role and identity in order to find myself. Subsequently, I adopted multiple identities. For example, when I was home, I lived up to my parent’s expectations: helping out in the business, being respectful and working hard in my homework. When I was school, I tried to fit into my peer group by hanging out in parties, drinking and adopting their style. At church, I tried my best to act like a Christian. I dressed modestly, and behaved decently before the church leaders and members. However, I faced many struggles in my heart. I felt that I was not being true to myself. I was putting on different masks to fit into different social roles. I conformed to the traditional roles and expectations. As a result, I felt fragmented, which led me to a period of moratorium in my late teens.

Moratorium is a kind of time-out. Moratorium is considered a more mature response than foreclosure (Berger, 2010). Societies provide many moratoria that allow adolescents to postpone final identity achievement when they leave high school.

After graduating from High School, I decided to take a break from my studies. From a normal person’s perspective, it seems that I have achieved a lot. I graduated with honours, achieved top marks in the national exams and made a lot of friends. But I felt that there was something lacking in my life. My spiritual life was at it low point. I felt empty inside. Therefore, I decided to embark into a three-month trip to Vancouver. I worked as a volunteer in a Summer day camp, and enrolled in my church’s training program. I took classes on Church History, Systematic Theology, and Mental Health. During those three months, I was able to build meaningful relationships with my church members. I did not feel pressured to fit into social roles. I could freely be myself, and be accepted for who I was. I also developed a stronger relationship with God. I felt that I have finally found myself. Because of my positive experiences during my moratorium, I decided to stay in Vancouver to pursue further education.

Thinking about the formation of my identity as a teenager, I believe that my religious identity was the most distinct among the four arenas of identity achievement. I became a Christian when I was 12. I chose a religion that was different from my parents’. My dad is Buddhist, and my mother is a Catholic. As a result, I was very different from my family and peers. My religion gave me values to stand on. Even though I faced a period of confusion and rebellion, I still held those values close to my life.

I had many circles of friends at school. But my closest friends were my Christian friends. They had a very big impact in my life. My best friend was a missionary kid. He introduced me to Christian culture –Christian music, youth groups and missionary trips. His parents invited me over their house to their gatherings, and to short-term mission trips. These experiences helped me to develop a passion for missions, and to pursue a meaningful life devoted to God and His commission. Thus, when I was in University, I joined many missionary trips. I went to Fiji in 2008, 2009 and 2010. I recently came back from a 2-month mission trip in South Africa.

Looking back, the development of my identity as a teenager was an emotional and confusing journey. At times, I felt so depressed and fragmented that I was about to give up. It was not easy to keep up to society’s expectations when I knew that I was so different inside. However, I learned that the most important part of this stage in life was to accept myself for who I was. It was during my moratorium in my late teens, that I finally found and embraced my identity. I treasure the fact that I am unique: I am a Chinese born in a Spanish country, a passionate Christian, and a human being with talents and dreams.

Reference

Berger, Kathleen Stassen. (2010). Invitation to the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers.


Kandom video:

Never let go

When I found Him whom my soul loveth:
I held Him, and would not let Him go.
(Song of Solomon 3:4)

If I ever decide to have a tattoo, I would have this verse imprinted in my arm.

Never let me go, Lord.