Conversations

"Guys your age are mensos. They are only interested in pursuing one thing. Don't be afraid of leaving bad relationships. You will fall in love many times in your lifetime. The most important thing is that you figure out who you are and what you want."

----El Maestro, Huatulco 2013

This conversation has stuck with me and has taught one of the most valuable life lesson than any textbook I've read in school - never be afraid of leaving bad relationships.

The best educators are the ones who teach you about real-life. I am grateful for encountering such gems in my life.

Free Bird :)

My best friend's mom showed me this song on our way to San Miguel during one of their missionary trips. It has stuck with me ever since.

Never give up your freedom.

"And this bird you cannot change."

Danse Sacrée et Danse Profane

I'm obsessed. 

Humanness

"For those who feel their lives are a grave disappointment to God, it requires enormous trust and reckless, raging confidence to accept that the love of Christ knows no shadow of alteration or change. When Jesus said, 'Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy burdened,' He assumed we would grow weary, discouraged and disheartened along the way. These words are a touching testimony to the genuine humanness of Jesus. He had no romantic notion of the cost of discipleship. He knew that following Him was as unsentimental as duty, as demanding as love. He knew that physical pain, the loss of loved ones, failure, loneliness, rejection, abandonment, and betrayal would sap our spirits; that the day would come when faith would no longer offer any drive, reassurance, or comfort; that prayer would lack any sense of reality or progress; that we would echo the cry of Teresa of Avila: 'Lord, if this is the way you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!'"

----Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

This year has been probably the hardest year of my life so far. Before, I used to wonder why would people abandon God or quit Christianity altogether after going through a rough time. But you don't truly get it until it hits you. Until God has stripped everything precious and dear to you - your dreams, hopes, close family ties and leave you nothing but (physical) heartbreak and disappointment.

This is when your faith is tested. 

This is when shit gets real.

Alchemy

Our lives are fluid. Our experiences in the physical world is constantly shaping our worldview. Lately, my worldview is evolving into a more holistic view rather than binary one. And rather than getting into the "right" side of things -being right/wrong, good/bad, success/failure, etc...I have come to accept everything as a whole.

Suffering and pain is part of the process of becoming, and rather than avoiding them all together by numbing or distracting, I've learned to fully embrace those feelings and 'feel' all my emotions, no matter how painful or hard they are. I'm no longer resisting against unfortunate events, but I am actively seeking redirection. Everything works for my good.

Whenever my close friend and I tell each other about our problems, we remind ourselves to listen to our bodies and honour our emotions. What are our emotions telling us? How is our intuition guiding us to do? What are other's perspective about the issue? What can we do to solve the problem?

And this brings us to this point -we are called to become Alchemists. We can choose to transform darkness into light, negative experiences into positive lessons, past brokeness into wholeness through self-compassion and so much more. This magical ability to transform brings healing to ourselves and others.

So here I am, trying to explore and love the darker and broken sides of me and bringing them into light.

I am in the process of becoming an Alchemist.

An ode to God's Tenderness

The Earth is filled with God's kindness!
Breaths of life ignite nature's joyous morning rapture.
The dews of dawn -drops of silver over glades of green,
Glide down to nourish the dry thirsty ground.
Soft, soft bright light that meets the darkened soul of the night,
Buoyantly drives darkness to shyly retreat
Behind the curtains of purple, orange and gold.
And like a silent song, like a loud dream,
The earth and sky bespeaks of God's tenderness
Like a Mother soothing her newborn babe,
Like a Father gently wrapping His arms
During His childs's hour of sorrow, brokeness and loss.

Saturn Return

Life has a funny way of kicking my shins once in a while and remind me not to take myself seriously when things fall apart (Chinua Achebe, anyone?). I am currently experiencing a Saturn Return, which means that Saturn has returned to the same place in the sky that has itself occupied at the moment of my birth. Before you accuse me of being supersticious and believing in all that mumbo jumbo Astrology, I cannot find a more logical explanation behind of what is happening currently in my life.

The Universe is showing me some tough love.

Belief systems that I have previously held are put into question during this period of my life. I can see why so many Christians leave Church or abandon their faith in their late 20s or early 30s. Poignant idealism cannot solve life's major problems. And at this point, I have experienced a number of disappointments by Christians, specially by money/power-mongering "Christian" leaders. I am taking some time to re-evaluate and reflect my whole faith/life experience. In other words, I am coming out as a non-religious Christian (oxymoron much?), which means that I am retaining my faith but I am more skeptical on man-made religious structures and norms.

Career: There may be a possibility that I will transition from a teaching career into a publishing career. Don't get me wrong, I like teaching but I love writing and editing.

Family Relations: I've come to accept that nobody is perfect and there will always be a degree of dysfuntionality in each family. Generally, people do not hurt out of maliciousness but are motivated by other personal reasons. All I can do is acknowledge the pain, forgive, set boundaries and move on. Why dwell in the pain? Why be nice to the person who mistreated you? Shessh, seriously you don't deserve that crap. Just move on.

Love Life: To love yourself remains imperative for a healthy love life and sane existence.

Beware of Narcissists: Ha. Ha. I have well learned my lesson. Don't fall in love with one, and if you do...run to the hills!

I am done with being "perfect": Let's face it, we are inherently flawed and broken as human beings. I am done with striving for perfection (as opposed to the more religious and younger version of myself). I just want to be authentic and happy.

This Saturn Return has urged me to re-examine certain beliefs and goals in life. I often lay awake during dark hours trying to answer the question: Am I living out my purpose on earth? AM I? AM I? (Okay, don't stress about it).

Our late 20s is a tough season for most of us. And I totally understand why some people go into drug addictions or weight gain. Or why Britney Spears shaved her head in 2007. No judgment zone. You are allowed to go a little bit crazy...just remember to bounce back.

"Sometimes it's best to let things fall apart so better things can fall together." ---Marilyn Monroe