“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you."
(Exodus 20:12)
My lovely parents are my greatest blessing in life. Their hard-work, honesty and kindness have inspired me to become a better person. They have endured a lot in the past, but they are now very happy and successful people.
I know that I will not have them forever. So I try my best to enjoy every moment with them, and show my love and appreciation for them. I don't want to regret that I did not spend enough time with them.
Young adulthood is so interesting. Life challenges makes you go back to your parents for advice with a humble heart. Result: maturity and wisdom.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Meditations on a Monday morning
[While taking a walk under the Eucalyptus trees reading the Book of Revelations, beautiful thoughts fill my mind.]
Our lives come to full fruition when we seek to glorify God and stop doing things for our personal gain or to please men.
It has been the desire of God since eternity to eternity for men to glorify Him. He will not rest until He gains our hearts. To love Him is to glorify Him.
At the early age of 24, I realized that I cannot depend my happiness on men. Men live under the fallen state, and are bound to disappoint me. I should lean my understanding and heart towards God, and work hard for His dream which is also my dream and happiness.
I cannot put my expectations on men. To expect others to change for my happiness would be unfair for them. I can only accept them for who they are and love them. This shall be done under the motivation of glorifying His name.
What will I render the Lord when I see Him? Will I be able to say: "You have given me much, and I have given you also much in return. I cast my crown before You". Or will I be ashamed and say: "I'm sorry, Lord. I did not trust in Your promise and ran away. My life was a waste because of my lack of faith".
We are accountable before God and not before men. Keep that in mind and you will live your life differently.
Selah
Our lives come to full fruition when we seek to glorify God and stop doing things for our personal gain or to please men.
It has been the desire of God since eternity to eternity for men to glorify Him. He will not rest until He gains our hearts. To love Him is to glorify Him.
At the early age of 24, I realized that I cannot depend my happiness on men. Men live under the fallen state, and are bound to disappoint me. I should lean my understanding and heart towards God, and work hard for His dream which is also my dream and happiness.
I cannot put my expectations on men. To expect others to change for my happiness would be unfair for them. I can only accept them for who they are and love them. This shall be done under the motivation of glorifying His name.
What will I render the Lord when I see Him? Will I be able to say: "You have given me much, and I have given you also much in return. I cast my crown before You". Or will I be ashamed and say: "I'm sorry, Lord. I did not trust in Your promise and ran away. My life was a waste because of my lack of faith".
We are accountable before God and not before men. Keep that in mind and you will live your life differently.
Selah
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Conversations
Two gypsies sit with their guitars after playing Flamenco on a beautiful Thursday afternoon.
"Are you a sensitive person?"
"Yes."
"Don't confuse sensitivity with vulnerability. Being sensitive does not mean that you are weak."
"..."
"You should seriously let go of all the phantoms of the past. There are just shadows. They don't exist, yet they are hindering you from experiencing life and happiness."
"I've been trying."
"Do you want to be healed?"
"Yes."
"Letting go and taking responsability for your life is part of maturity. I went through a similar experience than you. But guess what? Yes, you were hurt. But you only get hurt when you allow them to hurt you. But shake it off, woman. You deserve to live! You are a woman of God. You are beautiful, intelligent and caring. It's God's will for you to live a good life, full of abundance and happiness. Whatever harms you, does not come from God."
*Smiles*
"You have power over your thoughts and emotions. The Lord already overcame everything for us. But you have to live it out. You have to display that faith through your actions and decisions in life. Think of the children you will be helping. They need you. They need to see Christ in you. You can't preach and not be able to prove it with your life and actions. God needs to use you because there are very few people like you. You are a sensible person, so make sensible decisions"
He flings his arms up in the air and starts to dance. "Live, woman. You deserve to be happy!"
That night I finally let go of all the phantoms of the past. I made the decision that I will no longer allow them to harm me. No more.
Next morning, my back pain disappeared. I felt a great relief.
I was healed.
"Are you a sensitive person?"
"Yes."
"Don't confuse sensitivity with vulnerability. Being sensitive does not mean that you are weak."
"..."
"You should seriously let go of all the phantoms of the past. There are just shadows. They don't exist, yet they are hindering you from experiencing life and happiness."
"I've been trying."
"Do you want to be healed?"
"Yes."
"Letting go and taking responsability for your life is part of maturity. I went through a similar experience than you. But guess what? Yes, you were hurt. But you only get hurt when you allow them to hurt you. But shake it off, woman. You deserve to live! You are a woman of God. You are beautiful, intelligent and caring. It's God's will for you to live a good life, full of abundance and happiness. Whatever harms you, does not come from God."
*Smiles*
"You have power over your thoughts and emotions. The Lord already overcame everything for us. But you have to live it out. You have to display that faith through your actions and decisions in life. Think of the children you will be helping. They need you. They need to see Christ in you. You can't preach and not be able to prove it with your life and actions. God needs to use you because there are very few people like you. You are a sensible person, so make sensible decisions"
He flings his arms up in the air and starts to dance. "Live, woman. You deserve to be happy!"
That night I finally let go of all the phantoms of the past. I made the decision that I will no longer allow them to harm me. No more.
Next morning, my back pain disappeared. I felt a great relief.
I was healed.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
My Father's Teachings
"Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck." (Proverbs 1:9)
Being home means spending lots of time with my parents. What I appreciate about my parents is that they are very kind and down-to-earth. I love them and admire them so much.
My dad has given me much useful advice on life. I thought that it would be a good idea to share it in my blog. Even though he only studied until 4th grade, his wisdom, hard-work and determination has made him a very successful man. Much of his teachings come from his life experince. However, I find that much of his principles are influenced by Confusius and Lao-Tze. Real wisdom derives from distinguishing what is right and wrong, and choosing to do what is right. Therefore, keep your moral compass strong.
Here are some of his advices that he has been teaching me since I was a small child. They didn't make much sense until I've reached early adulthood. I wished I heeded his advice earlier on, but it's never too late.
"Don't think too much. Life is pretty simple. Be a good person and you will experience good things."
"Don't be lazy or you will be despised by people."
"People don't like it when others are better than them. It's part of their nature. Therefore, be humble and sincere."
"Don't brag or boast about your possessions or accomplishments. People will envy you and hate you for that."
"Never owe anything to anyone. Pay your debts on time."
"Always think about the other person's needs first. Always yield and be kind."
"Never take advantage of people. People are not dumb. If you take advantage, you will lose their trust."
"Family should always be priority. Money comes and goes, but family always stay."
"Angry people do not accomplish much in life. Learn to tame your anger. To lose your temper is to lose respect."
"You don't have to be really smart or beautiful to be successful. Most successful people are successful because they are hard-working, honest and determined."
"Keep all your promises or you will lose credibility."
"Work hard and help people out. Respect is earned...not a given."
"Be honest and never lie or cheat. If someone entrusted a task to you, do it well. To be lazy is cheating."
"Treat people well and they will treat you well back. If not, kill them with kindness. Good will always be stronger than evil."
"Make sure you live a balanced life. Eat well, rest well, work hard. Arrange your time well and you will live well."
"Be happy and enjoy life."
Education in school may give you skills that will later help you in your professional life. But education in the family leaves a legacy behind. Your parents play an integral part in shaping your principles, values and world view. Sadly, parents nowadays are too busy to educate their children and leave this job to educators. But keep in mind that teachers will never be able to replace their role as a parent.
The lack of effort in parenting shows in children's behaviour. Children nowadays lack discipline and are more self-centered than previous generations. If we are not willing to assume responsability and sacrifice our time, it may affect a whole generation.
I have always believed that children are our best investment. Parents should put more effort in educating and spending more time with their children.
Being home means spending lots of time with my parents. What I appreciate about my parents is that they are very kind and down-to-earth. I love them and admire them so much.
My dad has given me much useful advice on life. I thought that it would be a good idea to share it in my blog. Even though he only studied until 4th grade, his wisdom, hard-work and determination has made him a very successful man. Much of his teachings come from his life experince. However, I find that much of his principles are influenced by Confusius and Lao-Tze. Real wisdom derives from distinguishing what is right and wrong, and choosing to do what is right. Therefore, keep your moral compass strong.
Here are some of his advices that he has been teaching me since I was a small child. They didn't make much sense until I've reached early adulthood. I wished I heeded his advice earlier on, but it's never too late.
"Don't think too much. Life is pretty simple. Be a good person and you will experience good things."
"Don't be lazy or you will be despised by people."
"People don't like it when others are better than them. It's part of their nature. Therefore, be humble and sincere."
"Don't brag or boast about your possessions or accomplishments. People will envy you and hate you for that."
"Never owe anything to anyone. Pay your debts on time."
"Always think about the other person's needs first. Always yield and be kind."
"Never take advantage of people. People are not dumb. If you take advantage, you will lose their trust."
"Family should always be priority. Money comes and goes, but family always stay."
"Angry people do not accomplish much in life. Learn to tame your anger. To lose your temper is to lose respect."
"You don't have to be really smart or beautiful to be successful. Most successful people are successful because they are hard-working, honest and determined."
"Keep all your promises or you will lose credibility."
"Work hard and help people out. Respect is earned...not a given."
"Be honest and never lie or cheat. If someone entrusted a task to you, do it well. To be lazy is cheating."
"Treat people well and they will treat you well back. If not, kill them with kindness. Good will always be stronger than evil."
"Make sure you live a balanced life. Eat well, rest well, work hard. Arrange your time well and you will live well."
"Be happy and enjoy life."
Education in school may give you skills that will later help you in your professional life. But education in the family leaves a legacy behind. Your parents play an integral part in shaping your principles, values and world view. Sadly, parents nowadays are too busy to educate their children and leave this job to educators. But keep in mind that teachers will never be able to replace their role as a parent.
The lack of effort in parenting shows in children's behaviour. Children nowadays lack discipline and are more self-centered than previous generations. If we are not willing to assume responsability and sacrifice our time, it may affect a whole generation.
I have always believed that children are our best investment. Parents should put more effort in educating and spending more time with their children.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Sketches
[Mapping out Vancouver]
2010AD
I remember taking the Number 19 during my college days. The bus is notorious for its rude drivers, pickpockets and incessant chatter. The bus receives its passengers in the most automated manner: Exhale, kneel down, beep beep beep, back up and off again. Yet the thing would breathe life sometimes; the trolley pole would set off sparks, bounce like an elastic band, impelling a rather disgruntled driver to take out his weathered thick gloves leaving a bus full of impatient passengers behind.
The bus meanders down Kingsway, past Rona Home Centre, past Famous Foods, past Fraser Street until it finally merges with Broadway...a major artery that cuts across the city of Vancouver. Stepping down, I would find myself in the intersection between East and West. To my right is Our Town -a homey-pseudo-hipsterish coffee place that serves decent Americano. To my left is Thai Son, a tolerable Pho place which would burn down years from now on an unforgettable night of fire frenzy - five trucks lined up gushing water through the roof while curious residents gather around to watch the building ablaze.
I have always considered this city as a unified fragmented universe. Somewhat like a Ten Thousand Village Store inside a city of glass. To the South, between 50th and Main, you have little India -the colourful saris, exotic mannequins and goods evoke a foreign air around the area. Walk East a few blocks (well, 15 blocks to be exact), you find yourself in Victoria Drive -a mini China town with Mandarin-speaking walk in clinics, herbal stores, cha chaan teng and scrumptious Asian bakeries. Chong Lee is around the corner with discount vegetables and fruits on Wednesday nights. Travel north and you will hit Kingsway again.
As you travel along Kingsway and merge into Main Street, you will see that the urban landscape morphs into a greyer area. Driving past the Pacific Centre Mall, past Keefer St, past East Pender and into East Hastings, you will find people pushing their carts with empty bottles and their belongings, asking for cigarettes or spare change. This area, better known as Downtown East Side, is noted for its high incident of drug use, violence and crime.
Turn left and you will eventually reach Downtown Vancouver. High-end stores along Robson present a stark contrast to the grim alleys surrounding East hastings paved with shattered glass and needles. Women cladded on Lululemon power walk on Saturday mornings while busily texting on one hand and holding a Grande Caramel Macchiato on the other. The smell of molten caramel and rocky mountain apples waft through the air. Street musicians play classical pieces with their hungry dogs staring apathetically at passer-bys.
The number 19 eventually discharge into Stanley Park -a lush forest of pines, chubby squirrels and totem poles. I never quite understood how a city could be so diverse and unique at the same time. Yet the city stands quite confined in its own realm, unaffected by the outside world, still and sterile. There was hardly any change during the years I was there, except for the construction of the Canada line and the burning down of Taco del Mar in West Broadway. Even though I know Vancouver's topography like the palm of my hand, and have mentally mapped out all its sights, sounds, scents and vibes into random compartments of my brain, I never understood the residents of the city. People are nice and very polite, but quite shy. Conversations waver around superfluous small talk -the weather, the Canucks, coffee, shopping deals and so on. People tend to be a little bit self-conscious and overly cautious not to offend or step into somebody's toes. Yet I never fathomed why the city erupted into rampant destruction and mayhem after losing the Stanley Cup. It was only a Hockey Game, after all.
2010AD
I remember taking the Number 19 during my college days. The bus is notorious for its rude drivers, pickpockets and incessant chatter. The bus receives its passengers in the most automated manner: Exhale, kneel down, beep beep beep, back up and off again. Yet the thing would breathe life sometimes; the trolley pole would set off sparks, bounce like an elastic band, impelling a rather disgruntled driver to take out his weathered thick gloves leaving a bus full of impatient passengers behind.
The bus meanders down Kingsway, past Rona Home Centre, past Famous Foods, past Fraser Street until it finally merges with Broadway...a major artery that cuts across the city of Vancouver. Stepping down, I would find myself in the intersection between East and West. To my right is Our Town -a homey-pseudo-hipsterish coffee place that serves decent Americano. To my left is Thai Son, a tolerable Pho place which would burn down years from now on an unforgettable night of fire frenzy - five trucks lined up gushing water through the roof while curious residents gather around to watch the building ablaze.
I have always considered this city as a unified fragmented universe. Somewhat like a Ten Thousand Village Store inside a city of glass. To the South, between 50th and Main, you have little India -the colourful saris, exotic mannequins and goods evoke a foreign air around the area. Walk East a few blocks (well, 15 blocks to be exact), you find yourself in Victoria Drive -a mini China town with Mandarin-speaking walk in clinics, herbal stores, cha chaan teng and scrumptious Asian bakeries. Chong Lee is around the corner with discount vegetables and fruits on Wednesday nights. Travel north and you will hit Kingsway again.
As you travel along Kingsway and merge into Main Street, you will see that the urban landscape morphs into a greyer area. Driving past the Pacific Centre Mall, past Keefer St, past East Pender and into East Hastings, you will find people pushing their carts with empty bottles and their belongings, asking for cigarettes or spare change. This area, better known as Downtown East Side, is noted for its high incident of drug use, violence and crime.
Turn left and you will eventually reach Downtown Vancouver. High-end stores along Robson present a stark contrast to the grim alleys surrounding East hastings paved with shattered glass and needles. Women cladded on Lululemon power walk on Saturday mornings while busily texting on one hand and holding a Grande Caramel Macchiato on the other. The smell of molten caramel and rocky mountain apples waft through the air. Street musicians play classical pieces with their hungry dogs staring apathetically at passer-bys.
The number 19 eventually discharge into Stanley Park -a lush forest of pines, chubby squirrels and totem poles. I never quite understood how a city could be so diverse and unique at the same time. Yet the city stands quite confined in its own realm, unaffected by the outside world, still and sterile. There was hardly any change during the years I was there, except for the construction of the Canada line and the burning down of Taco del Mar in West Broadway. Even though I know Vancouver's topography like the palm of my hand, and have mentally mapped out all its sights, sounds, scents and vibes into random compartments of my brain, I never understood the residents of the city. People are nice and very polite, but quite shy. Conversations waver around superfluous small talk -the weather, the Canucks, coffee, shopping deals and so on. People tend to be a little bit self-conscious and overly cautious not to offend or step into somebody's toes. Yet I never fathomed why the city erupted into rampant destruction and mayhem after losing the Stanley Cup. It was only a Hockey Game, after all.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Home
Coming back home was probably the best thing that happened to me this year. Initially, I wasn't very happy with the decision. But the Lord knew the need in my heart.
These 5 months back in El Salvador has been filled with love, laughter and bliss. My heart is filled with gratitude and reverence when I see all my family and friends healthy and happy. I will remember this year as one of the happiest years in my life.
As I said to one of my close friends...10 years from now, I will look back and remember that I was a happy and beautiful young woman blessed beyond measure.
This bible verse pops into my mind when I think about all the good times:
Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil.
(Psalm 90:15)
These 5 months back in El Salvador has been filled with love, laughter and bliss. My heart is filled with gratitude and reverence when I see all my family and friends healthy and happy. I will remember this year as one of the happiest years in my life.
As I said to one of my close friends...10 years from now, I will look back and remember that I was a happy and beautiful young woman blessed beyond measure.
This bible verse pops into my mind when I think about all the good times:
Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us, And the years we have seen evil.
(Psalm 90:15)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Hope
Life has taught me:
There are always new beginnings.
You can change your dreams and aspirations.
You can love again.
God is with you always.
There are always new beginnings.
You can change your dreams and aspirations.
You can love again.
God is with you always.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Two songs under the stars
Tonight, I sat on the roof with my guitar and started to randomly sing some "praise tunes". The Lord inspired me with these two beautiful songs.
The songs are dedicated to the children in Madagascar. I still remember when I taught them songs about the Father last year in French. The joy is still in my heart. I miss them and love them so much.
"In Your Love"
This song was inspired by my days in South Africa. We used to go on a circle and sing our hearts to God. The melody of this song is influenced by Xhosa native tunes.
In Your love,
I can rest.
Cast away,
All my fears.
Spread my arms,
Embrace You.
Cry to You...
Close to You...
Close to You
(We sing the Song of Songs)
Love You
(We open up our hearts and praise)
Thank You
(We give You honour and praise)
"Jesus, great is Your faithfulness"
This song was inspired by Psalms 36. I drew the words from this Psalm since I experienced The Lord's faithfulness this year. In my weakness, I tasted His grace. In my wandering, He sought after me. The melody is rather "praise-tune-esque" à la Keith Green. But uplifting and inspiring nonetheless. If you are lucky enough you will see me sing it in public one day haha.
Jesus, You are worthy
Great is Your faithfulness.
As high as the mountains,
As deep as the soundless sea.
Oh Lord...Oh Lord...
Great is Your faithfulness.
The songs are dedicated to the children in Madagascar. I still remember when I taught them songs about the Father last year in French. The joy is still in my heart. I miss them and love them so much.
"In Your Love"
This song was inspired by my days in South Africa. We used to go on a circle and sing our hearts to God. The melody of this song is influenced by Xhosa native tunes.
In Your love,
I can rest.
Cast away,
All my fears.
Spread my arms,
Embrace You.
Cry to You...
Close to You...
Close to You
(We sing the Song of Songs)
Love You
(We open up our hearts and praise)
Thank You
(We give You honour and praise)
"Jesus, great is Your faithfulness"
This song was inspired by Psalms 36. I drew the words from this Psalm since I experienced The Lord's faithfulness this year. In my weakness, I tasted His grace. In my wandering, He sought after me. The melody is rather "praise-tune-esque" à la Keith Green. But uplifting and inspiring nonetheless. If you are lucky enough you will see me sing it in public one day haha.
Jesus, You are worthy
Great is Your faithfulness.
As high as the mountains,
As deep as the soundless sea.
Oh Lord...Oh Lord...
Great is Your faithfulness.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Sketches
"After years of solitude and profound sadness, I have come to appreciate the little things that make life beautiful. It's as if I've been walking on a desert alone with God for years, and suddenly come across a beautiful country where honey and milk abound in great measure. The mirage of forced superficial relationships were replaced with genuine friendships and kindness. I find myself dancing and singing to delicious music, where I use my hands and feet to express all those unearthed and suppressed feelings I've stored during those lonely years in the desert. I find belonging and healing in those home cooked meals, deep conversations and long afternoons spent in the company of loving family and friends. Their love and appreciation has helped me restore my humanity, as I've come to deeply realize that every human being on this planet is worthy to be loved and accepted for who they are.
At the end of every day, my heart is filled to the brim with gratitude towards God for bringing me back to life. It's good to become your old self again, and have the strength to wake up every morning with a smile, praising God for feeling alive again...
I cannot imagine life without the life part."
At the end of every day, my heart is filled to the brim with gratitude towards God for bringing me back to life. It's good to become your old self again, and have the strength to wake up every morning with a smile, praising God for feeling alive again...
I cannot imagine life without the life part."
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Conversations
[Suchitoto Trip with a dear friend]
"Yeah, I didn't like it there."
"You seemed so withdrawn every time you came back. I was wondering what was going on but was afraid to ask."
"Coming back has made me feel alive again. It's like I'm back to my old normal self."
"I'm glad you are happy. Your friendship is so precious to me. I wish you wouldn't have to go back."
"Yeah, I didn't like it there."
"You seemed so withdrawn every time you came back. I was wondering what was going on but was afraid to ask."
"Coming back has made me feel alive again. It's like I'm back to my old normal self."
"I'm glad you are happy. Your friendship is so precious to me. I wish you wouldn't have to go back."
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Heaven must feel like home
It feels quite unreal to be in a familiar place and feel so at home again.
The blissful sound of rain, an old friend calling you up for a home cooked meal, laughter and endless laughter...I wished this life would have no end.
My body, spirit and mind has experienced much healing from the love, acceptance and support from my close friends and family. I am infinitely grateful for their lives. God knows how much I needed this.
As I was driving home tonight, I imagined heaven to be a place where you can call home. A place where you can joke around with Peter the Apostle, wade your feet on the river of life and skate around the streets of gold. With countless stories to share and countless memories to be made, we would need eternity to enjoy ourselves...
The blissful sound of rain, an old friend calling you up for a home cooked meal, laughter and endless laughter...I wished this life would have no end.
My body, spirit and mind has experienced much healing from the love, acceptance and support from my close friends and family. I am infinitely grateful for their lives. God knows how much I needed this.
As I was driving home tonight, I imagined heaven to be a place where you can call home. A place where you can joke around with Peter the Apostle, wade your feet on the river of life and skate around the streets of gold. With countless stories to share and countless memories to be made, we would need eternity to enjoy ourselves...
Monday, July 15, 2013
Meditations on a Monday midnight
Before time began, You have already written my life story in Your heart.
Why should I worry when I know that You have the best stored for me?
All challenges and blessings work for my good...
You have crossed the paths of many people into my life so that I could have a deeper understanding of Your love and purpose.
I praise You for You are the mastermind of my life story. The author and finisher of my faith.
To count my blessings would be like to count the stars of the sky. They far outnumber my troubles and problems.
Great is my God. Great is my Father in Heaven.
Why should I worry when I know that You have the best stored for me?
All challenges and blessings work for my good...
You have crossed the paths of many people into my life so that I could have a deeper understanding of Your love and purpose.
I praise You for You are the mastermind of my life story. The author and finisher of my faith.
To count my blessings would be like to count the stars of the sky. They far outnumber my troubles and problems.
Great is my God. Great is my Father in Heaven.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Conversations
(Two philosophers sit outside the Library. One is holding a guitar while the other one is listening intently. Circa 2007AD)
"I don't want to live in passive existence."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want life to come by without me exerting actual control over it. I want to go out there and live life. I am tired of being passive all the time."
"..."
"My parents don't know about this. But I'm sick of being sheltered."
[6 years later, this conversation is still on my mind...inspiring me to live life fully.]
"I don't want to live in passive existence."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want life to come by without me exerting actual control over it. I want to go out there and live life. I am tired of being passive all the time."
"..."
"My parents don't know about this. But I'm sick of being sheltered."
[6 years later, this conversation is still on my mind...inspiring me to live life fully.]
Friday, June 21, 2013
Flamenco
Yesterday I had my first Flamenco Guitar lesson. It was a liberating experience.
I've always wanted to learn percussion guitar. Ever since I watched Rodrigo and Gabriela live in Bonnaroo, I knew that it was the kind of style I want to adopt in my music. I am leaning more towards the indie/folk/flamenco style.
After the lesson, the owner and my guitar teacher played a few songs for me. My mind was blown away by the intensity of expression and passion in the songs. I realized that I have never sang with much emotion before. Flamenco is truly the music of the soul. I'm obsessed.
Music makes me feel alive. Whenever I am creating music with my hands or voice, I feel as if I am in sync with the universe.
I am learning this song on Monday. So excited!
I've always wanted to learn percussion guitar. Ever since I watched Rodrigo and Gabriela live in Bonnaroo, I knew that it was the kind of style I want to adopt in my music. I am leaning more towards the indie/folk/flamenco style.
After the lesson, the owner and my guitar teacher played a few songs for me. My mind was blown away by the intensity of expression and passion in the songs. I realized that I have never sang with much emotion before. Flamenco is truly the music of the soul. I'm obsessed.
Music makes me feel alive. Whenever I am creating music with my hands or voice, I feel as if I am in sync with the universe.
I am learning this song on Monday. So excited!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Karla
I don't remember the exact moment I met Karla, but I knew that we would be lifelong friends.
We met at a youth group. There was something that I loved about youth group culture: the interesting messages, the genuine fellowship and fun games. But above all, the most encouraging factor was to see young people who loved God and served Him passionately. We eventually stopped going, but our friendship blossomed and remained.
Karla would come over my house and we would make Italian food. I would go over her house and we would cook Salvadoran food. Afterwards, we would read Proverbs, meditate and share from our hearts. She introduced me to different personality theories and how to read people. We would also discuss literature and practice French. Our friendship was golden.
Of course we had our fair share of romantic interests and heart-breaks. We even had nicknames for the guys we went out with: "the Jewish", "the Jehovah Witness", "the Guitarist", "the Non-stop Talker", "the Combo", etc. We had a varied taste back then, but none of them worked out. I was there for her when she broke up with her boyfriend. She was there when I broke up with my best friend. We would read Psalms and pray whenever we went through major ordeals in our lives.
Our friendship evolved over the years. Even though I went to Canada to study, I would always meet up with her whenever I visited home. She is one of the few people that I really care about in my life.
This year I had the honour to embark on a journey with her to celebrate her 30th birthday and 7 years of our friendship. And as she said, once we hit the 7-year mark, this friendship is bound to last for a lifetime.
We met at a youth group. There was something that I loved about youth group culture: the interesting messages, the genuine fellowship and fun games. But above all, the most encouraging factor was to see young people who loved God and served Him passionately. We eventually stopped going, but our friendship blossomed and remained.
Karla would come over my house and we would make Italian food. I would go over her house and we would cook Salvadoran food. Afterwards, we would read Proverbs, meditate and share from our hearts. She introduced me to different personality theories and how to read people. We would also discuss literature and practice French. Our friendship was golden.
Of course we had our fair share of romantic interests and heart-breaks. We even had nicknames for the guys we went out with: "the Jewish", "the Jehovah Witness", "the Guitarist", "the Non-stop Talker", "the Combo", etc. We had a varied taste back then, but none of them worked out. I was there for her when she broke up with her boyfriend. She was there when I broke up with my best friend. We would read Psalms and pray whenever we went through major ordeals in our lives.
Our friendship evolved over the years. Even though I went to Canada to study, I would always meet up with her whenever I visited home. She is one of the few people that I really care about in my life.
This year I had the honour to embark on a journey with her to celebrate her 30th birthday and 7 years of our friendship. And as she said, once we hit the 7-year mark, this friendship is bound to last for a lifetime.
Monday, April 22, 2013
A note
[To the J family]
My life changed after the first day I met you. There was something about your genuine smile, your kindness and positive outlook in life that made a great impact in me.
Whenever I hit low...I remember you and I smile. People like you reminds me what is the meaning of true Christianity. Your compassion, candid warmth and understanding has inspired me to become a better person.
Thank you for always being there for me.
My life changed after the first day I met you. There was something about your genuine smile, your kindness and positive outlook in life that made a great impact in me.
Whenever I hit low...I remember you and I smile. People like you reminds me what is the meaning of true Christianity. Your compassion, candid warmth and understanding has inspired me to become a better person.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Sketches
I am producing batches of poetry during these bouts of melancholy.
[Inspired by Song of Solomon...."I was asleep, but my heart was awake."]
Logré verla...
Reposada sobre la roca
Serena y estrellada
Como la luna que no duerme,
Con una hermosura que no muere.
Logré soñarla...
Cantando a la luz del alba
Anhelando ver la faz de su Amado,
Llorando por el tiempo perdido,
[Inspired by Song of Solomon...."I was asleep, but my heart was awake."]
Logré verla...
Reposada sobre la roca
Serena y estrellada
Como la luna que no duerme,
Con una hermosura que no muere.
Logré soñarla...
Cantando a la luz del alba
Anhelando ver la faz de su Amado,
Llorando por el tiempo perdido,
Añorando para vivir de nuevo a Su lado.
Despierta Sulamita, y ven.
Logré alcanzarla...
Con mís reproches de celos,
Corrí hasta conquistarla,
y la consolé entre mis brazos.
"Alientate Sulamita, y vive."
"Alientate Sulamita, y vive."
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Sketches
(Inspired by Pablo Neruda)
Te recuerdo como eras,
Ojos verdes con sabor a miel,
Piel de sueños y
tu habla hermosa.
Alma pura que destila
Una sinceridad que no duele,
Un amor que no apena,
Un recuerdo que no muere.
Fuistes, eres y serás
Una memoria que no desfallece.
Me das un sinfín de alegría y nostagia
En dias de amarga locura como estos.
Te recuerdo como eras,
Ojos verdes con sabor a miel,
Piel de sueños y
tu habla hermosa.
Alma pura que destila
Una sinceridad que no duele,
Un amor que no apena,
Un recuerdo que no muere.
Fuistes, eres y serás
Una memoria que no desfallece.
Me das un sinfín de alegría y nostagia
En dias de amarga locura como estos.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Words from the Beloved
I woke up at 2:00am this morning,
and heard a soft voice echo through the chambers of my heart...
"I love you in spite of your weakness.
I will love you forever.
May you live in the truth always."
and heard a soft voice echo through the chambers of my heart...
"I love you in spite of your weakness.
I will love you forever.
May you live in the truth always."
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Sketches
Si es cuestion de confesar,
parece que la vida es un sinfín de ilusiones,
arraigada en la luz de la realidad.
¿Y qué si alcanzo mis sueños
Pero no Tu corazón?
Si pudiera salir de mi propia prisión,
Esta amarga oscuridad, este miedo de
Fracasar.
¿Cúal es el miedo de despegar,
Cuando tienes plumas para volar
Y sueños que realizar?
Aun si volare al extremo del alba,
Tu mano no me dejará.
Aun si descendiere a las profundidades del Sheol,
No me desampararás.
Selah.
Quiero contemplar Tu hermosura y
apreciar lo que nadie había descubierto antes de Tí,
Te quiero conocer y deleitarme en Tu felicidad.
Quiero entender lo que Tu tienes preparado para mi vida y eternidad,
Quiero triunfar contigo a mi lado.
parece que la vida es un sinfín de ilusiones,
arraigada en la luz de la realidad.
¿Y qué si alcanzo mis sueños
Pero no Tu corazón?
Si pudiera salir de mi propia prisión,
Esta amarga oscuridad, este miedo de
Fracasar.
¿Cúal es el miedo de despegar,
Cuando tienes plumas para volar
Y sueños que realizar?
Aun si volare al extremo del alba,
Tu mano no me dejará.
Aun si descendiere a las profundidades del Sheol,
No me desampararás.
Selah.
Quiero contemplar Tu hermosura y
apreciar lo que nadie había descubierto antes de Tí,
Te quiero conocer y deleitarme en Tu felicidad.
Quiero entender lo que Tu tienes preparado para mi vida y eternidad,
Quiero triunfar contigo a mi lado.
Monday, February 25, 2013
[i carry your heart with me]
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Conversations
While running errands with the brother
"We all move on in life."
"Yeah."
"So do you still think about them?"
"I have honestly moved on. My mind has deliberately forgotten about all those events. The pain is gone."
"What's that verse again?"
"Ciertamente olvidando lo queda atrás, extendiéndome a lo que está delante..." (Filipenses 3:13)
We chuckle and smile.
We often quote this verse in unison during our conversations.
I love my brother.
"We all move on in life."
"Yeah."
"So do you still think about them?"
"I have honestly moved on. My mind has deliberately forgotten about all those events. The pain is gone."
"What's that verse again?"
"Ciertamente olvidando lo queda atrás, extendiéndome a lo que está delante..." (Filipenses 3:13)
We chuckle and smile.
We often quote this verse in unison during our conversations.
I love my brother.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monólogo
Nunca entendí porque pasan ciertas cosas.
Solo sé que Dios está en control.
Dios se encargará de mi vida. Debo de confiar en Él y Él hará.
No tengo miedo de fracasar. Siempre puedo levantarme y tratar de nuevo.
No me preocupo. No me voy a dar por vencida.
Nosotros debemos de tener fe y obedecer Su voluntad.
Él quiere que seamos felices. Hay que poner nuestro esfuerzo en buscar nuestra felicidad.
Estoy muy agradecida de tener una familia que me apoya.
Solo sé que Dios está en control.
Dios se encargará de mi vida. Debo de confiar en Él y Él hará.
No tengo miedo de fracasar. Siempre puedo levantarme y tratar de nuevo.
No me preocupo. No me voy a dar por vencida.
Nosotros debemos de tener fe y obedecer Su voluntad.
Él quiere que seamos felices. Hay que poner nuestro esfuerzo en buscar nuestra felicidad.
Estoy muy agradecida de tener una familia que me apoya.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Meditations on a Thursday Evening
Life is too short to worry about what other people think about you.
Eternity is too long to live with regret.
Life is a fraction of eternity, yet it is the most decisive time period of our human destiny.
So what really matters in life?
I was thinking deeply upon human motives and actions. Motives can be driven by fear or passion. Sometimes we dare not to do or say things because we are afraid of what other people think about us. But does it really matter? So what if someone thinks lowly of you? What's so great about criticism?
And the people who are courageous to live out the truth and their dreams are the people who have transformed our world.
Think of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Joan d'Arc - they defied their fears and their critics.
Truth and love will always triumph.
Live to what is true. Be honest to yourself.
Think, think deeply.
Eternity is too long to live with regret.
Life is a fraction of eternity, yet it is the most decisive time period of our human destiny.
So what really matters in life?
I was thinking deeply upon human motives and actions. Motives can be driven by fear or passion. Sometimes we dare not to do or say things because we are afraid of what other people think about us. But does it really matter? So what if someone thinks lowly of you? What's so great about criticism?
And the people who are courageous to live out the truth and their dreams are the people who have transformed our world.
Think of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Joan d'Arc - they defied their fears and their critics.
Truth and love will always triumph.
Live to what is true. Be honest to yourself.
Think, think deeply.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Un pensamiento
La vida Cristiana es alegre, sana, abundante y llena de gozo. No debería de ser pesado o llena de carga.
Si tu no estás feliz, examina tu camino. Encomienda tu camino a Dios y Él hará.
Dios quiere gracia y no legalismo. Una relación y no religión.
Tu fe es reflejado en tu vida.
Piensalo.
Si tu no estás feliz, examina tu camino. Encomienda tu camino a Dios y Él hará.
Dios quiere gracia y no legalismo. Una relación y no religión.
Tu fe es reflejado en tu vida.
Piensalo.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Conversations
[With a friend, at our usual coffee place]
"Why do we always want to be somewhere else that is not here?"
"We think that the grass is greener on the other side."
"I read from Horace that no one is quite happy with the life he has chosen or stumbled upon."
"But if you really think about it, life is okay here in Canada. You're safe. You have food, water and shelter. You should be happy."
"That's true."
"I realized that you can control your thoughts. Whenever you think you would be happier elsewhere, try to rephrase your thoughts. Think more positively."
Monday, January 14, 2013
Becoming
I was thinking about my life goals today. After coming back my trip to El Salvador and Honduras, I have been thinking a lot about the future. How do I envision myself in 3-5 years time?
-Responsible Educator
-Passionate Thinker
-Preacher
-Creative Writer
There are a lot of things going on. I got sick on Friday night...I haven't been so ill for such a long time. I guess all the work/study/travelling does wear one off! But I give thanks that God gave me precious brothers and sisters to take care of me. I feel better today, but I still need more rest.
Thank you for your prayers!
-Responsible Educator
-Passionate Thinker
-Preacher
-Creative Writer
There are a lot of things going on. I got sick on Friday night...I haven't been so ill for such a long time. I guess all the work/study/travelling does wear one off! But I give thanks that God gave me precious brothers and sisters to take care of me. I feel better today, but I still need more rest.
Thank you for your prayers!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Para una verdadera amiga
Son personas como tú que hacen mi vida más feliz. Gracias por valorarme por quien soy. Gracias por estar tan pendiente de mi bienestar y felicidad. Eres un sol. Mi compañia en mis momentos de soledad. Mi alegría en esta ciudad tan fría.
Gracias, amiga por ser tan especial. Tu bondad me ha inspirado a ser una mejor persona. Contigo he logrado olvidarme del pasado y ser más fuerte.
Gracias por existir.
Gracias, amiga por ser tan especial. Tu bondad me ha inspirado a ser una mejor persona. Contigo he logrado olvidarme del pasado y ser más fuerte.
Gracias por existir.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
New
I have come to a point in life that I have fully come to realize what it is to
Be alive.
To breathe in and breathe out, and be completely content with life.
The past year has taught me lessons that I have never learnt before. Trials tend to push you to the brighter side of life.
I give thanks for all things.
Though my past may be plagued by negativity and sorrow, I promised myself to forget the past and march on. There are greater things ahead.
I promised myself to live and believe in the truth only.
And there is a moral dimension in believing in what is true. It brings joy to the soul, light to the mind and goodness to the heart.
For the new year I want to be closer to God and build more meaningful relationships with those around me. I plan to exercise more, eat healthier and take good care of myself. I want to learn more things, do more, give more and take more risks.
Basically, I want to live life to the fullest.
Be alive.
To breathe in and breathe out, and be completely content with life.
The past year has taught me lessons that I have never learnt before. Trials tend to push you to the brighter side of life.
I give thanks for all things.
Though my past may be plagued by negativity and sorrow, I promised myself to forget the past and march on. There are greater things ahead.
I promised myself to live and believe in the truth only.
And there is a moral dimension in believing in what is true. It brings joy to the soul, light to the mind and goodness to the heart.
For the new year I want to be closer to God and build more meaningful relationships with those around me. I plan to exercise more, eat healthier and take good care of myself. I want to learn more things, do more, give more and take more risks.
Basically, I want to live life to the fullest.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
The Honduras that I never met
She held my hand and would not let go.
She led me downstairs to the main hall. We were sleeping over that night. The little girl, barely 3 years old, gave me a tour around the orphanage.
Situated in the lofty mountains of Reynel Funez, the orphanage serves as a home to 26 children aged 3 to 20. Many of these children were neglected and abandoned by their parents from a very young age. My heart was moved by compassion as I listened to their heart-breaking stories during our short visit.
"I lived in the cemetery. My parents would often bind me up and beat me up with chains."
She lifted up her shirt and showed us her scars.
Honduras is known for being the most violent country in the world. The country has been governed by corruption and political instability during this past decade. These problems, together with people's indifference has instilled an attitude of apathy towards these social problems.
There were scenes during my stay that stirred many feelings within me:
The teenage girl walking under the rain begging for money in the streets.
The drunkard scavenging for food in the dumpster near the place we were staying.
The silent pain and longing for love from the gaze of a child in the orphanage.
There were moments of frustration as I saw this happening. I have seen poverty in El Salvador but to see such degree of poverty happening to our Honduran neighbours was quite overwhelming. And to see that the lack of education and opportunities trapped these youths into the poverty cycle was quite sad...to say the least.
I talked to Isaac and Olga, the home parents, during my last day in Honduras. I expressed my interest in opening a school in Central America with the purpose of preaching the gospel, and empowering students for change with quality education and good values. They said that there is a great need in Honduras. The educational system has been downgraded by the lack of resources and poor administration from the government. Teachers and students have been affected. Because teachers are not paid, there are no classes. And with no classes, there is no education.
Situated in the lofty mountains of Reynel Funez, the orphanage serves as a home to 26 children aged 3 to 20. Many of these children were neglected and abandoned by their parents from a very young age. My heart was moved by compassion as I listened to their heart-breaking stories during our short visit.
"I lived in the cemetery. My parents would often bind me up and beat me up with chains."
She lifted up her shirt and showed us her scars.
Honduras is known for being the most violent country in the world. The country has been governed by corruption and political instability during this past decade. These problems, together with people's indifference has instilled an attitude of apathy towards these social problems.
There were scenes during my stay that stirred many feelings within me:
The teenage girl walking under the rain begging for money in the streets.
The drunkard scavenging for food in the dumpster near the place we were staying.
The silent pain and longing for love from the gaze of a child in the orphanage.
There were moments of frustration as I saw this happening. I have seen poverty in El Salvador but to see such degree of poverty happening to our Honduran neighbours was quite overwhelming. And to see that the lack of education and opportunities trapped these youths into the poverty cycle was quite sad...to say the least.
I talked to Isaac and Olga, the home parents, during my last day in Honduras. I expressed my interest in opening a school in Central America with the purpose of preaching the gospel, and empowering students for change with quality education and good values. They said that there is a great need in Honduras. The educational system has been downgraded by the lack of resources and poor administration from the government. Teachers and students have been affected. Because teachers are not paid, there are no classes. And with no classes, there is no education.
But I believe that there is hope. With God everything is possible. It was very encouraging to see that there are still good-hearted individuals like Isaac and Olga who are willing to sacrifice their life to offer a home to these girls. Their job is not easy, but they do everything out of love. They have inspired me to answer my calling. And if God has called me for His will, He will be responsible to the end.
We love because He first loved us (1John 4:19).
Saturday, December 22, 2012
A kind of beauty I have never seen before
Yesterday I went to the Ancient Mayan Ruins (Ruinas de San Andres) with my best friend to celebrate Baktun.
The celebration marked the end of the Mayan Calendar and welcomed the dawning of a new era. It was amazing to see people coming together to celebrate a culture that has been suppressed by the government for almost a century. And it is interesting to see how the Indigenous identity has been revitalized by activists and passionate individuals in the recent years. One of my cousins is working with bilingual schools that teach Spanish and Nahuatl to small indigenous communities.
This event made me appreciate a kind of beauty that I have never seen before. I've been much exposed to consumer culture all my life. And according to consumer culture, the definition of beauty and wealth is prescribed by the material things you own. However, I find that this construction of meaning rather artificial and fake. And I have also observed that Salvadoran culture in particular, tend to imitate the American hegemonic culture.
I have come to appreciate the natural beauty that surrounds us. I have come to appreciate the spirit of giving and family that unites us as a country. I have come to appreciate that we do not need much to make us happy. It is possible to be perfectly content with the little things we have.
Sometimes we have to lay aside our ethnocentric views to appreciate a kind of beauty that we may have never seen before.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Home and Family Revelations
According to the Mayan Calendar, it's the end of the world but I'm extremely happy.
By extremely happy, I mean waking up in the morning and smiling to myself because I can enjoy the warm weather and the sweet company of my family.
Being home has made me deeply reflect on the things that God has given me. I cannot help but give thanks all the time.
Both of my parents are alive and healthy. They are able to support me in my studies. I have an extended family and friends who love me and appreciate me (and vice versa). I have enough food, water and a cozy bed to rest at night.
It's the end of the world but I have never felt so content in my life. Hehehe.
Just a few days ago I visited my grand-aunt (my grandmother's sister) and my cousin at their home. She showed me my great-grandmother's picture and told me stories about her.
The rest of the children were raised by my great-grand aunt (my great-grandfather's sister) who was a school principal. She opened a school during the Second World War! My dream is deeply related to my family.
Another interesting thing that I found out about my family is that we have Spanish and Jewish ancestry. According to some records, my ancestors were Jewish people who lived in Southern Spain (near Andalucia).
Therefore, I have a quite mixed heritage. And I am entitled to carry a Spanish last name (since Jewish people pass on their last names through their mothers).
It's so interesting to find out things about your family that you never knew before. Who knew that I have Jewish ancestors? Who knew that my great-grand aunt was a school principal? I am so proud of my family heritage. And I think that I will embrace my Spanish side more and more.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Meditations on a Tuesday Afternoon
For years I was deceived and blind.
Yet beneath my timid exterior, rested a strong and beautiful spirit.
I was asleep in the dark but Your truth shone through.
I wandered, and You found me.
I hungered, and You fed me.
I was dirty, and You bathed me.
I was tired, and You gave me rest.
I was homeless, and You made a home in me.
You have been good to me, O Lord.
Let not my spirit depart from Thee.
Yet beneath my timid exterior, rested a strong and beautiful spirit.
I was asleep in the dark but Your truth shone through.
I wandered, and You found me.
I hungered, and You fed me.
I was dirty, and You bathed me.
I was tired, and You gave me rest.
I was homeless, and You made a home in me.
You have been good to me, O Lord.
Let not my spirit depart from Thee.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Sketches
[On a mountain, we gaze at the Beloved City]
"We have come a long way, my Lord."
"You are finally home, My dear."
"The journey was rough, but beautiful nonetheless."
"You have been faithful."
"I wouldn't have made it without You."
"It was worth the pain."
"No pain, no gain."
[He takes me by the hand and we enter the Pearly Gates
The saints and angels gladly rejoice at our entrance.]
"We have come a long way, my Lord."
"You are finally home, My dear."
"The journey was rough, but beautiful nonetheless."
"You have been faithful."
"I wouldn't have made it without You."
"It was worth the pain."
"No pain, no gain."
[He takes me by the hand and we enter the Pearly Gates
The saints and angels gladly rejoice at our entrance.]
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
A New Name
Will Thou give me a new name?
For my old self hath passed away.
Thou hast broken me, destroyed me and renewed me.
Thou hast loved me, healed me and lifteth me.
I am a new creation -transformed by beholding Thy truth and beauty.
I am the most lovely bride; a reflection of Thy love and glory.
Bright Star - thou shinest hope to all lands.
[Revelations 2:17]
For my old self hath passed away.
Thou hast broken me, destroyed me and renewed me.
Thou hast loved me, healed me and lifteth me.
I am a new creation -transformed by beholding Thy truth and beauty.
I am the most lovely bride; a reflection of Thy love and glory.
Bright Star - thou shinest hope to all lands.
[Revelations 2:17]
The Midwest
Along the way I met up with one of my best friends from Primary. We had lunch at Mickey's, one of the famous diners at St Paul.
We had a major catching-up session. He told me that he was doing his PhD in Princeton. He shared with me his passion for Near Eastern studies, his fascination towards the transantlantic correspondence between Latin America and the Middle East, the influences of Positivism and how it shaped Latin American society in the 18th-19th century, the latest political crisis in El Salvador. I was happy for him. I told him about my plans of opening a school in Latin America with the hopes of innovating the education and future of poor children. He gave me good and practical advice. I realized that we have changed, but we were still the same...nerdy, kind and funny old selves.
We rented a car and drove south to a small town called Winona, where my other best friend resides.
The ride was an adventure. I haven't driven for months, so I was out of practice. It was raining, cold and dark. At some point we thought that there was a flat tyre. But at the end we made it. My friend received us with a hug, a smile and a plate of turkey accompanied with side dishes of Thanksgivings goodness.
We shared, conversed, laughed and had an amazing time over the course of three days. This break was much needed. I realized that I haven't felt at home for the longest time. Even though the blistering cold of the Midwest was hard to endure, the warmth of that unconditional love and friendship that sustained us throughout the crazy years in High School was still there.
Among the many topics that we covered during our conversations, these are the main ones that left me in deep thought:
Social Consciousness and Responsibility: We grew up in a society that valued position and appearance a lot. Our classroom was a microcosm and a reflection of the class-based Salvadoran society. We talked about the past injustices and exclusions made by teachers and certain classmates. And many of those interactions contributed to our insecurities. To be honest, I felt that we were never accepted because we were perceived as a the nerdy kids. You had to act and dress in a certain way to be part of the popular crowd.
This brought us to the point of social consciousness and responsibility. All our actions and words bear consequences. And a lot of the people in school (I don't know if they were aware or not), did things that hurt others and brought consequences to their development. For example: humiliating a child in front of the class for a petty thing, excluding a classmate, and so on. Of course, nobody is perfect, but we must be conscious that our actions do bring consequences.
Educators and leaders should be responsible to create safe spaces for growth -free of bullying, back biting and gossip. Turning a blind eye or neglecting a problem is just as bad as hurting others. The pattern is hard to break, but the only way to do so is to set a good example to others by being kind, respectful and fair to everyone. If there is a problem, we should deal with it right away.
Autonomy: We have come to a stage in our lives that we are making decisions that will affect our future paths. We are no longer under the loving guidance of our parents, nor are we specifically bound with responsibilities such as family/children. It's a confusing age to begin with...and I am still trying to decipher my identity.
I have had a series of epiphanies this year that made me realize the power of human autonomy (thanks to Hebrews 11, reading CS Lewis and John Piper). Will power and desire can bring tremendous changes when used for good. A lot of people do not realize their value and the impact that they can bring to their communities. Therefore, their existence rests in passivity. Many times they are bound up with negativity, society's expectations and past troubles. I was one of those people, but thank God that my eyes were opened through faith. That's why it's so important to live in the truth. The truth will set you free.
You are the author of your own life-story. God gives you the choices and opportunities, but you are the one who makes decisions.
Acceptance: There is a great need in the human psyche for love, acceptance, respect and appreciation. Problem behaviours arise when these elements are lacking. For example, some children skip school because they are not accepted by their peers. Couples may have problems in their marriage because there is a lack of appreciation. Communities disintegrate when there is a lack of love.
Of course, we have to accept that we are not perfect. Human beings are flawed in so many ways. That's why we need God's love to heal our brokenness. When we are satiated in His love, we can bring love and acceptance to our community. Love brings the best out of us.
It's interesting to see that the three of us grew up with the same kind of values and ideals but we have taken different paths. One friend is doing his PhD and pursuing Academia and Law as a career. The other one is living a life of voluntary poverty and hospitality. He volunteers at a homeless shelter for the Catholic Workers and is planning to open an organic farm the next year with some friends. And I am kind of in the middle. I am a pursuing a teaching career with the hopes that one day I will open a school in Latin America.
The three of us are thinkers, idealists, writers and kind-hearted people. I am glad that God crossed our paths in the past.
This trip has made me reflect deeply in how I should live my life. I have matured. I have grown. And there are greater things to come. This is just the beginning.
Photos for your enjoyment:
I had the wonderful opportunity to meet John Piper. His book 'Desiring God' changed my perspective in life. To pursue God is to pursue true joy. As Christians, it is our duty to delight in Him first.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Monday Evening Meditation
Have you ever wondered why were you born in this age? Why are you in this particular place? Why are you surrounded by these people?
What is life? It is like vapour. Two seconds and we evaporate to eternity.
Your days are numbered. You only live a set amount of years.
What are you going to do with your life?
Do you realize that you are the author of your life-story?
You are destined for great things.
But remember, you are who you choose to be.
[Meditation inspired by Psalm 90 and James 4:14]
What is life? It is like vapour. Two seconds and we evaporate to eternity.
Your days are numbered. You only live a set amount of years.
What are you going to do with your life?
Do you realize that you are the author of your life-story?
You are destined for great things.
But remember, you are who you choose to be.
[Meditation inspired by Psalm 90 and James 4:14]
Friday, November 9, 2012
Meditations on a Friday Morning
[Conversing with God in the Garden, our Secret Place]
"I've been thinking a lot about You and the people of this generation lately.
People of this generation demand true friendship and love when they lack these qualities themselves. They are restless, often distracted. And they forget of what is essential in life.
Some chase after the wind. They spend their life pursuing temporal pleasures and hoarding on money. At the end they are starving for love and meaning.
Why would people seek their own treasures when You are the source of all treasures?
[I paused. And grieved.]
And some people misunderstand You. They blame You for their troubles and sufferings. They don't really know You, and yet they slander against You. Some treat You as a gene thinking that their wishes will come true when they pray to You. So many people take You for granted.
And they often forget that You are a Person with feelings.
(How will they feel if someone treated them that way?)
Oh Lord, how do You bear with humanity? You have been so patient with us.
How many people truly understand Your heart?
Remember that I am Your friend. I want to be close to You.
Keep me till the end."
"I've been thinking a lot about You and the people of this generation lately.
People of this generation demand true friendship and love when they lack these qualities themselves. They are restless, often distracted. And they forget of what is essential in life.
Some chase after the wind. They spend their life pursuing temporal pleasures and hoarding on money. At the end they are starving for love and meaning.
Why would people seek their own treasures when You are the source of all treasures?
[I paused. And grieved.]
And some people misunderstand You. They blame You for their troubles and sufferings. They don't really know You, and yet they slander against You. Some treat You as a gene thinking that their wishes will come true when they pray to You. So many people take You for granted.
And they often forget that You are a Person with feelings.
(How will they feel if someone treated them that way?)
Oh Lord, how do You bear with humanity? You have been so patient with us.
How many people truly understand Your heart?
Remember that I am Your friend. I want to be close to You.
Keep me till the end."
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
My true friend
[A little Haiku for a true friend]
Years have passed,
and I have not yet found a friend
Like you.
Such friend
who sought me in trials,
and rejoiced with me.
Such friend
who taught me the value of beauty,
deep thought, truth and honesty.
The only way
That I can relive such friendship and love
Is to become a friend like you.
Years have passed,
and I have not yet found a friend
Like you.
Such friend
who sought me in trials,
and rejoiced with me.
Such friend
who taught me the value of beauty,
deep thought, truth and honesty.
The only way
That I can relive such friendship and love
Is to become a friend like you.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tibi Ipsi Dic Vere
To thine self be true
There is a great joy of being yourself.
To be free from wanting to be someone else, to be free from other people's expectations, to be free from wanting to fit in, to feel completely comfortable in your own skin, to be accepted for just the way you are is a great blessing.
This world is constantly trying to steal our identity, and bombarding us with false precepts of the things we should attain: money, materialistic things, fame and power. But these things have no real permanence. Will these things make you happy? It will pass away one day. It's a real pity to see people pursuing after these things. But it happens. It's their choice.
This year I made remarkable discoveries about myself:
-I am a very loving, affectionate and generous person.
-I am honest and genuine. I am terrible at lying and pretending to be someone I am not.
-I have a very intimate relationship with God and that is what keeps me strong in life.
-The only way that I can find myself is through faith in God and His promises.
-I cannot spend long periods of time by myself. I need friends...inside and outside church. I love to socialize and I learn the most from conversations.
-I am a good and loyal friend. I try to give my best to others.
-I don't live for myself. I live for God.
-I am more Latina than Asian. And that's totally fine because I come from a mixed heritage. I am multicultural and open-minded.
-It's okay to be emotional because that's how God created me and I am a woman. The most healthy way to channel my emotions is through writing.
-I love reading and playing music. Because I am an introvert I need some time alone to recharge by doing the things I love.
To be honest, I haven't felt so happy and comfortable for the longest time. Maybe ever since I was 14? Something happened when I was 15 that made me negative and depressed all the time. But thank God that He healed me. Thus, I can finally be myself again. I think it is partly because I am finally able to forgive others and forgive myself, and partly because I have a strong support system.
God created you. And He loves you the way you are. He wants you to embrace your true identity and be happy the way you are. Accept yourself, forgive yourself and be true to yourself.
There is a great joy of being yourself.
To be free from wanting to be someone else, to be free from other people's expectations, to be free from wanting to fit in, to feel completely comfortable in your own skin, to be accepted for just the way you are is a great blessing.
This world is constantly trying to steal our identity, and bombarding us with false precepts of the things we should attain: money, materialistic things, fame and power. But these things have no real permanence. Will these things make you happy? It will pass away one day. It's a real pity to see people pursuing after these things. But it happens. It's their choice.
This year I made remarkable discoveries about myself:
-I am a very loving, affectionate and generous person.
-I am honest and genuine. I am terrible at lying and pretending to be someone I am not.
-I have a very intimate relationship with God and that is what keeps me strong in life.
-The only way that I can find myself is through faith in God and His promises.
-I cannot spend long periods of time by myself. I need friends...inside and outside church. I love to socialize and I learn the most from conversations.
-I am a good and loyal friend. I try to give my best to others.
-I don't live for myself. I live for God.
-I am more Latina than Asian. And that's totally fine because I come from a mixed heritage. I am multicultural and open-minded.
-It's okay to be emotional because that's how God created me and I am a woman. The most healthy way to channel my emotions is through writing.
-I love reading and playing music. Because I am an introvert I need some time alone to recharge by doing the things I love.
To be honest, I haven't felt so happy and comfortable for the longest time. Maybe ever since I was 14? Something happened when I was 15 that made me negative and depressed all the time. But thank God that He healed me. Thus, I can finally be myself again. I think it is partly because I am finally able to forgive others and forgive myself, and partly because I have a strong support system.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Anita
"I heard that you opened a school in India."
She smiled and invited me to sit with her. The sound of chatter and laughter travelled around the room as the sisters were having dinner before their cell-group. It was a typical chilly Wednesday evening.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Anita."
I have met many Christians before, but to meet such a rare and beautiful soul was uncommon. We instantly made a connection. She volunteers as a houseparent and as a professional development coordinator for teachers in a school in Jangareddigudem, Andhra Pradesh. Basically, she helps run the school and takes care of 17 children at the children's home.
She told me that this was her dream ever since she was a teenager. There were two paths that she could take: 1) to live a conventional life in Vancouver (settle down with a good job and drive a Toyota Yaris) or 2) Go to a third world country and do great things for the Lord. She chose the latter. She shared how the Lord slowly redirected her to accomplish her dream in the recent years. While she was working as a teacher in an International School in Dalian, China, she met a group of Christians that introduced her to an organization in India. The organization already bought a plot of land for further development. After a year, she raised enough funds to build a school. She later quit her job as a teacher in order to devote her life to God and these children.
"What an amazing courage and faith," I thought to myself as she recounted her experiences and how she lived under $50 a month. She mainly used this money to buy extra vegetables and fruits to keep herself healthy. It has definitely not been a smooth journey for her. She told me about the cultural and language barriers, the loneliness, the tests of faith...
She also told me about the reverse culture shock she has been experiencing after coming back to Vancouver for a short visit. One of her relatives invited her to an expensive dinner. As she was eating Abalone and Shark Fin, she thought about the children, and how much help they could receive from the money she was spending that night. Tears started to well up in her eyes. From her face, I could see that she had an immense and genuine love towards God and these children.
The conversation left me in deep thought. It made me think about my value system. When I went home that night, I quickly rummaged through my music box and looked at my jewelry. I own too many necklaces. I looked at my closet. I have many beautiful clothes. I looked at my fridge. There is a lot of food. There is nothing wrong of dressing well or eating well, but to hoard God's blessings and not share it with others made me feel uneasy. The little I can give can be a great blessing to a child in India. The money that I spend for a dress can sustain a child's food and education for one month.
Jesus only owned 2 garments on earth. Yet He freely and generously gave His love to the people around Him. At least enough to feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish.
Anita's story also made me think that one day I will leave my comforts permanently. I have been to many missionary trips before, and I've suffered countless of flea bites, sickness and whatnot. But that was only temporal, because I knew that at the end of the day, I still had my ticket to fly back to Canada. It also made me seriously think: Am I ready for this? Am I ready leave my comfortable life to serve Him full-time? Am I willing to commit my whole life for His work?
I know the answer already. God's love demands our all. He already gave His life for us, shouldn't we also give our life for Him too?
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for me will find it (Matthew 16:25).
She smiled and invited me to sit with her. The sound of chatter and laughter travelled around the room as the sisters were having dinner before their cell-group. It was a typical chilly Wednesday evening.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Anita."
I have met many Christians before, but to meet such a rare and beautiful soul was uncommon. We instantly made a connection. She volunteers as a houseparent and as a professional development coordinator for teachers in a school in Jangareddigudem, Andhra Pradesh. Basically, she helps run the school and takes care of 17 children at the children's home.
She told me that this was her dream ever since she was a teenager. There were two paths that she could take: 1) to live a conventional life in Vancouver (settle down with a good job and drive a Toyota Yaris) or 2) Go to a third world country and do great things for the Lord. She chose the latter. She shared how the Lord slowly redirected her to accomplish her dream in the recent years. While she was working as a teacher in an International School in Dalian, China, she met a group of Christians that introduced her to an organization in India. The organization already bought a plot of land for further development. After a year, she raised enough funds to build a school. She later quit her job as a teacher in order to devote her life to God and these children.
"What an amazing courage and faith," I thought to myself as she recounted her experiences and how she lived under $50 a month. She mainly used this money to buy extra vegetables and fruits to keep herself healthy. It has definitely not been a smooth journey for her. She told me about the cultural and language barriers, the loneliness, the tests of faith...
She also told me about the reverse culture shock she has been experiencing after coming back to Vancouver for a short visit. One of her relatives invited her to an expensive dinner. As she was eating Abalone and Shark Fin, she thought about the children, and how much help they could receive from the money she was spending that night. Tears started to well up in her eyes. From her face, I could see that she had an immense and genuine love towards God and these children.
The conversation left me in deep thought. It made me think about my value system. When I went home that night, I quickly rummaged through my music box and looked at my jewelry. I own too many necklaces. I looked at my closet. I have many beautiful clothes. I looked at my fridge. There is a lot of food. There is nothing wrong of dressing well or eating well, but to hoard God's blessings and not share it with others made me feel uneasy. The little I can give can be a great blessing to a child in India. The money that I spend for a dress can sustain a child's food and education for one month.
Jesus only owned 2 garments on earth. Yet He freely and generously gave His love to the people around Him. At least enough to feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish.
Anita's story also made me think that one day I will leave my comforts permanently. I have been to many missionary trips before, and I've suffered countless of flea bites, sickness and whatnot. But that was only temporal, because I knew that at the end of the day, I still had my ticket to fly back to Canada. It also made me seriously think: Am I ready for this? Am I ready leave my comfortable life to serve Him full-time? Am I willing to commit my whole life for His work?
I know the answer already. God's love demands our all. He already gave His life for us, shouldn't we also give our life for Him too?
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for me will find it (Matthew 16:25).
Monday, October 8, 2012
Quote
The loneliest people are the kindest,
The saddest people smile the brightest,
The most damaged people are the wisest.
All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer
the way they do.
The saddest people smile the brightest,
The most damaged people are the wisest.
All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer
the way they do.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Let me be to Thee as the circling bird,
Let me be to Thee as the circling bird,
Or bat with tender and air-crisping wings
That shapes in half-light his departing rings,
From both of whom a changeless note is heard.
I have found my music in a common word,
Trying each pleasurable throat that sings
And every praised sequence of sweet strings,
And know infallibly which I preferred.
The authentic cadence was discovered late
Which ends those only strains that I approve,
And other science all gone out of date
And minor sweetness scarce made mention of:
I have found the dominant of my range and state -
Love, O my God, to call Thee Love and Love.
Gerard Manley Hopkins
Kandom note: I miss those days when my friends and I recited poems to each other, played tetris and talked about the meaning of life at the back of the school pool.
Or bat with tender and air-crisping wings
That shapes in half-light his departing rings,
From both of whom a changeless note is heard.
I have found my music in a common word,
Trying each pleasurable throat that sings
And every praised sequence of sweet strings,
And know infallibly which I preferred.
The authentic cadence was discovered late
Which ends those only strains that I approve,
And other science all gone out of date
And minor sweetness scarce made mention of:
I have found the dominant of my range and state -
Love, O my God, to call Thee Love and Love.
Gerard Manley Hopkins
Kandom note: I miss those days when my friends and I recited poems to each other, played tetris and talked about the meaning of life at the back of the school pool.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
A letter to Madagascar
I just received an email from a sister in Madagascar. I quickly wrote back with what was in my heart.
Bonjour ma chere souer!
Je pense toujour de votre belle couer et des enfants. Tu me manques trop! Je rêve beaucoup les jours en Madagascar. Ton amour pour les enfant change ma vie. Les enfants change ma vie.
After I came back from Madagascar, I've been inspired by the children to be close to God. You have no idea how much this trip has affected my pursuit, vision and love towards God and the people around me. I wake up early to draw near to God first thing in the morning. I try to be more generous and forgiving (inspired by you, ma belle soeur) towards brothers and sisters and everyone around me. I try to be more lively, genuine and sincere to those around me. And I try to make more jokes to make people happy. But most of all, my faith has grown and I have a greater burden to love this family. I believe that God will use me greatly.
I am learning to sing from a choral director. I am planning to put together a children's choir if I ever go back to Madagascar. And I am learning Mandarin. A friend lent me her French textbook to brush up my French. So many things has happened! I came back so changed! No more depression or anxiety. I am more joyful and generous. Finally, I've found my true self (thanks to you and the trip!)...and I am so happy to be so close to God and brothers and sisters.
I often talk to T and M when I see them in Church. We had good fellowship in Madagascar. Whenever we come together, we talk about you and the things in Madagascar (Tsaramasu, tsara be...among other things lol). You are in my prayers and thoughts.
Send my kind regards to the brothers and sisters and the lovely children. Your smiles still dazzle in my mind now and then.
Karen
Friday, September 21, 2012
Better is one day in Your Courts than a Thousand Elswhere
[Flashback Madagascar]
We went to a picnic at the King's palace on our last Wednesday in Madagascar. The children arrived early, anticipating much fun and excitement with the team and one another. I enjoyed every single moment of the trip. The kids sang all the way from the school to the palace. They sang songs in Malagasy, French and English (including the songs I taught them). We then played, had lunch, toured around the palace, took pictures and played again.
The girls kept holding my hand while showing me around the palace and telling me "I miss you." I replied in Malagasy "za kou" (me too).
That day will surely remain unforgettable.
We went to a picnic at the King's palace on our last Wednesday in Madagascar. The children arrived early, anticipating much fun and excitement with the team and one another. I enjoyed every single moment of the trip. The kids sang all the way from the school to the palace. They sang songs in Malagasy, French and English (including the songs I taught them). We then played, had lunch, toured around the palace, took pictures and played again.
The girls kept holding my hand while showing me around the palace and telling me "I miss you." I replied in Malagasy "za kou" (me too).
That day will surely remain unforgettable.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sketches
(Matthew 25:5-13)
"Quick! He cometh!"
"Where's the oil?"
"Wake up!"
"Hurry up, adorn yourselves."
"Look, He is opening the door."
Light enters and penetrates every dark corner of the room. The Bridegroom joyfully comes to receive His bride.
He shuts the door. Some are left behind.
There is no time to lose.
"Quick! He cometh!"
"Where's the oil?"
"Wake up!"
"Hurry up, adorn yourselves."
"Look, He is opening the door."
Light enters and penetrates every dark corner of the room. The Bridegroom joyfully comes to receive His bride.
He shuts the door. Some are left behind.
There is no time to lose.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Living with Intention
I am posting this assignment which contains pieces of me.
Who am I?
I am introspective, compassionate and kind. Growing up amidst so much poverty in a third world country, I am socially conscious of the needs of others, especially children. When I was a child, I would often pass by street children and wonder why there was so much discrepancy in our lives. Why is there so much suffering in this world? How can we make a difference in their lives?
Unlike my parents who believe that success is measured by the money you make, I believe that success is measured by the difference you can make in people’s lives. Success is measured by love and faithfulness. I have strong religious values that motivate me to love those around me through actions. I am also very compassionate. Growing up as a Chinese in a Spanish country, I often found myself isolated and different from others. I have a soft spot towards outcasts and destitute people.
I am probably the most multicultural person you will ever meet. I am a Chinese with mixed Ancestry born in a Spanish speaking country (El Salvador). I am fluent in Spanish, English and Cantonese. I also speak some French (intermediate), German (beginner, reading level), Malagasy (beginner), and Mandarin (beginner). I have travelled to 16 countries, volunteered as a teacher in Fiji (for 3 Summers), South Africa (2 months) and Madagascar (2 months). I served as a President of a volunteering club at UBC called the Love Your Neighbour club, providing local and global volunteering opportunities to University students. I consider myself as a third culture kid, and I would be probably confounded if you asked me where is home.
I am poetic, talented, musical and passionate. Music and writing is what keep me alive at times. I love to write in my blog, serve as an editor for my church’s newsletter and a non-profit-organization website. I play the violin (advanced), guitar (intermediate), harp (intermediate) and I am currently receiving voice lessons from a worship educator and choral director. I am planning to learn how to conduct children choirs.
Where am I going?
In the short run, I am planning to find a job in the disabilities field (as an SEA or Career Preparation Instructor) so that I can gain valuable experience serving the community, teaching, interacting with children and adults. I am also planning to gain experience as a community developer so that I can apply those skills when I go work in third world countries. In the long run, I am planning to open a school in Spanish country or Africa. I want to help the poor to receive proper education and care so that they can achieve their dreams. I cannot remain apathetic when there is so many needs in this world. After my trip to Madagascar, I am determined to achieve this dream since I witnessed that education and love can make a big difference in a person’s life.
What challenges do I face?
I am painfully shy. But I am working hard to overcome this weakness since I know that I will be working with people most of the time. I don’t like to talk but I am forcing myself to talk more. I also have issues with self-confidence because I have high expectations on myself. I also tend to be too hard on myself when I fail to meet my expectations. But I am trying to lower my expectations so that I can keep my feet grounded on reality.
How will I get where I am going?
At this point, I need to work really hard to finish my CCSD programme. I am also working hard to acquire more skills that will be useful in the future to help people with disabilities. I am also working on improving my self-confidence by being more positive and pro-active in helping myself and others happy.
Who am I?
I am introspective, compassionate and kind. Growing up amidst so much poverty in a third world country, I am socially conscious of the needs of others, especially children. When I was a child, I would often pass by street children and wonder why there was so much discrepancy in our lives. Why is there so much suffering in this world? How can we make a difference in their lives?
Unlike my parents who believe that success is measured by the money you make, I believe that success is measured by the difference you can make in people’s lives. Success is measured by love and faithfulness. I have strong religious values that motivate me to love those around me through actions. I am also very compassionate. Growing up as a Chinese in a Spanish country, I often found myself isolated and different from others. I have a soft spot towards outcasts and destitute people.
I am probably the most multicultural person you will ever meet. I am a Chinese with mixed Ancestry born in a Spanish speaking country (El Salvador). I am fluent in Spanish, English and Cantonese. I also speak some French (intermediate), German (beginner, reading level), Malagasy (beginner), and Mandarin (beginner). I have travelled to 16 countries, volunteered as a teacher in Fiji (for 3 Summers), South Africa (2 months) and Madagascar (2 months). I served as a President of a volunteering club at UBC called the Love Your Neighbour club, providing local and global volunteering opportunities to University students. I consider myself as a third culture kid, and I would be probably confounded if you asked me where is home.
I am poetic, talented, musical and passionate. Music and writing is what keep me alive at times. I love to write in my blog, serve as an editor for my church’s newsletter and a non-profit-organization website. I play the violin (advanced), guitar (intermediate), harp (intermediate) and I am currently receiving voice lessons from a worship educator and choral director. I am planning to learn how to conduct children choirs.
Where am I going?
In the short run, I am planning to find a job in the disabilities field (as an SEA or Career Preparation Instructor) so that I can gain valuable experience serving the community, teaching, interacting with children and adults. I am also planning to gain experience as a community developer so that I can apply those skills when I go work in third world countries. In the long run, I am planning to open a school in Spanish country or Africa. I want to help the poor to receive proper education and care so that they can achieve their dreams. I cannot remain apathetic when there is so many needs in this world. After my trip to Madagascar, I am determined to achieve this dream since I witnessed that education and love can make a big difference in a person’s life.
What challenges do I face?
I am painfully shy. But I am working hard to overcome this weakness since I know that I will be working with people most of the time. I don’t like to talk but I am forcing myself to talk more. I also have issues with self-confidence because I have high expectations on myself. I also tend to be too hard on myself when I fail to meet my expectations. But I am trying to lower my expectations so that I can keep my feet grounded on reality.
How will I get where I am going?
At this point, I need to work really hard to finish my CCSD programme. I am also working hard to acquire more skills that will be useful in the future to help people with disabilities. I am also working on improving my self-confidence by being more positive and pro-active in helping myself and others happy.
Monday, September 3, 2012
A message from Madagascar
Today, I opened my inbox and received a message from a local coworker from Madagascar.
Hi Karen,
How are you? Are you ok? Last Tuesday during the children's meeting we sang the song you taught us (Une Femme Oublie t-elle son nourisson). When I asked the children what's your feeling when you sing this song, the children said:
"We think of Karen."
And then I said why and they said:
"Because we miss her, and this is still her writing on the white board."
I really hope that I can go next year again to Madagascar, and stay there for 3 months. The children have captured my heart.
Hi Karen,
How are you? Are you ok? Last Tuesday during the children's meeting we sang the song you taught us (Une Femme Oublie t-elle son nourisson). When I asked the children what's your feeling when you sing this song, the children said:
"We think of Karen."
And then I said why and they said:
"Because we miss her, and this is still her writing on the white board."
I really hope that I can go next year again to Madagascar, and stay there for 3 months. The children have captured my heart.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Obedience not Sacrifice
I went for a long stroll with a dear friend last Sunday.
We walked around Vancouver under the hot Summer blaze -Cambie bridge, False Creek to Olympic Village. We talked about our dreams, hopes and vision in life.
It was one of the most meaningful conversations I've ever had.
"Tell me about your dreams," he asked.
I told him about my dream of serving in the Music Ministry one day. I told him that I wanted to take singing lessons, and learn how to direct a choir because I saw the needs in Africa. I saw how music united people together. I told him about how I wanted to open a school for the poor, so that they could receive proper education, food, care and be raised in the presence of God.
He listened attentively and smiled.
As we were walking on Cambie bridge, he also told me about his dream of going to Africa and serving the poor there. But he still had to finish some things before going.
As we were walking down the bridge to False Creek he turned to me and said:
"The Lord wants our obedience and not sacrifice."
The comment caught me by surprise. I was telling him about my experience with the Lord -how He humbled my pride during my trip to Madagascar and how humility has changed my life.
I smiled and contemplated in silence as we walked down the stairs.
"Obedience not sacrifice," the words resonated through my mind.
We sat by the bench at Olympic village. He told me that as Christians, we have to pay a big price when we walk out the truth. Not many are willing to forsake the traditions of men and their pride to follow the truth. But the Lord treasures those who are willing to suffer for His name sake and the truth.
As our 2-hour conversation was coming to an end, I made a final request.
"Should we pray?"
"That Island attracts me so much."
"Should we go there?"
"Yes."
We walked to a small island near the shore. The ocean breeze blew on my face as we lifted our hands to pray.
"Lord, may you grant Karen's wish to open a school for you. You greatly bless her in her music ministry. Use her greatly."
I was completely engulfed in the presence of God. I have never felt His presence so strong before.
I rejoiced in the beauty of His holiness.
We prayed for this movement. We prayed for Africa. We prayed for the music ministry. We prayed for clarity of vision. We prayed for faithfulness and obedience.
"Lord, may you keep Karen until the end."
We walked around Vancouver under the hot Summer blaze -Cambie bridge, False Creek to Olympic Village. We talked about our dreams, hopes and vision in life.
It was one of the most meaningful conversations I've ever had.
"Tell me about your dreams," he asked.
I told him about my dream of serving in the Music Ministry one day. I told him that I wanted to take singing lessons, and learn how to direct a choir because I saw the needs in Africa. I saw how music united people together. I told him about how I wanted to open a school for the poor, so that they could receive proper education, food, care and be raised in the presence of God.
He listened attentively and smiled.
As we were walking on Cambie bridge, he also told me about his dream of going to Africa and serving the poor there. But he still had to finish some things before going.
As we were walking down the bridge to False Creek he turned to me and said:
"The Lord wants our obedience and not sacrifice."
The comment caught me by surprise. I was telling him about my experience with the Lord -how He humbled my pride during my trip to Madagascar and how humility has changed my life.
I smiled and contemplated in silence as we walked down the stairs.
"Obedience not sacrifice," the words resonated through my mind.
We sat by the bench at Olympic village. He told me that as Christians, we have to pay a big price when we walk out the truth. Not many are willing to forsake the traditions of men and their pride to follow the truth. But the Lord treasures those who are willing to suffer for His name sake and the truth.
As our 2-hour conversation was coming to an end, I made a final request.
"Should we pray?"
"That Island attracts me so much."
"Should we go there?"
"Yes."
We walked to a small island near the shore. The ocean breeze blew on my face as we lifted our hands to pray.
"Lord, may you grant Karen's wish to open a school for you. You greatly bless her in her music ministry. Use her greatly."
I was completely engulfed in the presence of God. I have never felt His presence so strong before.
I rejoiced in the beauty of His holiness.
We prayed for this movement. We prayed for Africa. We prayed for the music ministry. We prayed for clarity of vision. We prayed for faithfulness and obedience.
"Lord, may you keep Karen until the end."
Friday, August 24, 2012
Missing Madagascar
Hi Folks,
I am back in Vancouver. The flight from Antananarivo to Vancouver was the longest one I have ever taken in my life. Thank God that we are back safe and sound.
My first week here has been abundant. Seeing the growth of brothers and sisters over the Summer has encouraged me a lot. The trainings are more intense, and I sense that brothers and sisters are more ready. I believe that the Lord will use Vancouver greatly to bless the world.
My mind is still flooded with memories of Madagascar. When I think of the coworkers and the children, I am motivated to work harder, share more, pray more and follow the Lord more closely.
(Pictures taken during the last fellowship. We were playing Ultimate Ninja)
I am back in Vancouver. The flight from Antananarivo to Vancouver was the longest one I have ever taken in my life. Thank God that we are back safe and sound.
My first week here has been abundant. Seeing the growth of brothers and sisters over the Summer has encouraged me a lot. The trainings are more intense, and I sense that brothers and sisters are more ready. I believe that the Lord will use Vancouver greatly to bless the world.
My mind is still flooded with memories of Madagascar. When I think of the coworkers and the children, I am motivated to work harder, share more, pray more and follow the Lord more closely.
(Pictures taken during the last fellowship. We were playing Ultimate Ninja)
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Appreciation
[At Johannesburg
Airport]
I
was tired. I sat by the window, and watched my last African sunset. My thoughts
kept stirring within me as I contemplated the last rays sinking down upon the
untamed African plane.
I
started to reflect upon my missionary trip to Madagascar. The image of the
coworkers saying goodbye to me at the airport was still intact in my mind. I
recalled their faces, their smiles and their laughter. As I was thinking of
them, I opened an envelope that contained all the bookmarks and letters they
wrote to me. I read them one by one, and tears started to roll down my cheeks, to
the bench and down below.
“I’m
blessed to have a sister like you. Lovely, simple and full of love. When I see
you learn Malagasy, I feel that you have a great love. You came to share the
love of Jesus, you devoted your love to the brothers and sisters and the
children. Karen! I appreciate you so much. I think if no love, nothing can do.
Even you are tired, but you still give. I hope that you still come back. May
you remember all the happy moment with the brothers and sisters, the children,
the jokes…”Za mahahelo anao (I miss you).”
Your
name should be:
Karen “fitiavana” = Karen love
Karen “fitiavana” = Karen love
And
in big bold letters: LOVE NEVER FAILS.”
“I
don’t know what to say. I don’t know where to start. So precious to know you
and I thank God that we can be in this family. God will reward you all that you
have done for Him (Church, brothers and sisters, your sincere heart and your
coming in Madagascar). Really miss you. I wish that when you are in Canada you
can always smile and laugh just like here. Thanks for all the food that you
cooked. Thanks of helping us to paint, to lead the meeting. I have many things
to share but it’s better to stop because I want to cry…
So
enjoy to worship with you and hear your sharing. May the Lord use you greatly
so that you can open a school just like in Tana. Keep on pursuing the Lord and
He will use you greatly.”
“My
dear sister Karen,
Thanks
to God our Abba, to let us know each other here. I like to be with you, to talk
with you and I love you so much. Without the Lord, we can’t feel the warmth of
this family. I hope that we can still meet each other on the earth. I so
appreciate your heart towards the Lord and your love and care to me. And even
we live separately, but we still strive together for the Lord’s will! Keep in
touch.”
“Our
dearest sister Karen,
I’m
so happy to know you and serve the Lord together. You are my encouragement. You
are young and you have a very good heart for God. Your fervent heart attracts
me so much. Your prayers are simple but work a lot in my heart. You are very
helpful. I appreciate you so much (unforgettable!) Hope you can come again!
Strive for Him!”
At
this point, I was weeping. I have never received such touching letters and
bookmarks in my life. The words came straight from their hearts. I kept reading
the letters over and over again. I felt that the Lord was expressing His deep
appreciation and love towards me through them.
I
am so thankful that the Lord has given me such precious brothers and sisters to
restore my first love towards Him and the Church. For the longest time, I could
finally love like I have never been hurt before. Love without any fears or
boundaries. I experienced brotherly love in its purest form.
Love
is indeed the greatest of all. Love heals the deepest wounds. Love never fails.
And
it’s in one of the poorest parts of the earth, that I have found richness in
faith, love and joy. Madagascar has made me rediscover the importance of a
smile, a sincere faith towards God, the beauty of living a holy life and the
rich love that reigns over God’s family. And that is why I
consider Madagascar one of the most beautiful places I have ever lived
Friday, August 17, 2012
Epilogue
I came to Madagascar with 8 T-shirts, 4 pants, a heavy heart and a health condition that threatened my body and soul . Upon first arriving, I had the courage of a 3 year-old girl in her first day of school. What will I face? Who will I meet? But my fears were deeper than that. I knew that during this trip, I had to face the Lord and myself -my weaknesses and flaws. I knew that the Lord would rebuild what was once destroyed by my lack of faith and pride.
The first few weeks were rough. I had so many doubts in my mind. Is what I am following right? I feel that I am not good enough for this trip. I had so many negative feelings.
My spiritual breakthrough was a cumulative experience. The Lord was working on my heart with the things I was seeing and experiencing in Madagascar.
I observed the young boy, who despite his difficult life without his parents, was thankful and gracious towards the Lord and those around him. I observed the glow and smile of the little girl, whose sincere faith towards the Lord has made her grow over the past few months. I observed the shy sister, who despite her silence served the Lord and His family with gladness. I observed the brothers, whose sense of humour taught me that I should probably not take myself so seriously.
I observed and meditated on these things.
The brothers' genuine friendship and affection reminded me of the things I once enjoyed in the past. I was once close to a sister. I could share, laugh and trust in her freely. I really missed having that. And it made me realize that during these 5 years in Vancouver, I have not been able to form close friendships in Church. I figured out that it's not the people around me who are cold and aloof. I realized that I haven't given people a chance to know me and be part of my life. I blocked them off all for the sake of self-preservation and protection.
Result? A lack of sense belonging at church. Going to church started to feel like a chore. It did not feel like a family to me. In fact, it felt like a place that I went to fulfil my obligations as a Christian.
And then, I reached my breaking point. One night, I listened to my favourite Sufjan Steven song. It reminded me of the person who I have dearly loved in my life. It reminded me of the time where I loved brothers and sisters at church with all my heart. It reminded me of the days in which I loved to draw near to God out of my good pleasure. Some may claim that nostalgia does more harm than good, but when I recall those moments, I think of my first love. I use it as a point of reference.
I realized that my Christian life has lost its flavour, and that this life of pride and selfishness has taken a toll on me.
I guess that my sense of pride comes from seeking affirmation and approval from others. Yet, I did not seek affirmation from the Lord or from myself. This concept had a detrimental effect on my self-esteem and my relationship with others. Before coming to this trip, I was trapped in the pit of depression and self-pity.
I then asked myself:
Is this the life I want to live?
Is what I am doing good for me?
And then I came to my senses:
Karen, what are you doing to yourself? Why have you let yourself down like this?
As I was asking these questions late at night, the Bible verses came into my mind:
"Faith is the conviction of the things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
Faith. I should truly believe in what the Lord thinks of me. I should set the truth before me. It should be the pillar of my daily life. The essence of my existence. What I am living for?
I am living for Christ.
I learned that I cannot claim my life for my life is hidden in Christ. Why would I seek my value in the vanity of this world if I gave my heart to Christ 11 years ago? In order to regain what was once lost, I need to seek the meaning of my life in Him first. And during the process, I find myself forsaking my pride, the world, feelings of unworthiness...all the things that dragged my spirit, mind and body down.
I was sanctified.
It's been 2 months since I first arrived to Antananarivo, and I'm leaving behind my clothes, 7 pounds (thanks to exercise and a healthy diet), my pride and feelings. It's been 5 years since I've been so joyful and free before men and God.
At the end of this trip, I promised the Lord and myself to stand firm in what I believe in, and that I should seek the Lord with all my heart no matter what. I promised myself not to mind what others think of me because people's views will change. But what the Lord thinks of me will never change. I promised myself to seek the truth and believe in the truth only. I promised myself that I should live my life based on two principles:
1. Love the Lord with all my heart, mind, body and might.
2. Love brothers and sisters with all my heart, mind, body and might.
I know that the things I will face in Vancouver will definitely not be easy. But I have regained what is most vital for my life -I have gained my first love towards the Lord and the Church. And that alone will sustain me.
The first few weeks were rough. I had so many doubts in my mind. Is what I am following right? I feel that I am not good enough for this trip. I had so many negative feelings.
My spiritual breakthrough was a cumulative experience. The Lord was working on my heart with the things I was seeing and experiencing in Madagascar.
I observed the young boy, who despite his difficult life without his parents, was thankful and gracious towards the Lord and those around him. I observed the glow and smile of the little girl, whose sincere faith towards the Lord has made her grow over the past few months. I observed the shy sister, who despite her silence served the Lord and His family with gladness. I observed the brothers, whose sense of humour taught me that I should probably not take myself so seriously.
I observed and meditated on these things.
The brothers' genuine friendship and affection reminded me of the things I once enjoyed in the past. I was once close to a sister. I could share, laugh and trust in her freely. I really missed having that. And it made me realize that during these 5 years in Vancouver, I have not been able to form close friendships in Church. I figured out that it's not the people around me who are cold and aloof. I realized that I haven't given people a chance to know me and be part of my life. I blocked them off all for the sake of self-preservation and protection.
Result? A lack of sense belonging at church. Going to church started to feel like a chore. It did not feel like a family to me. In fact, it felt like a place that I went to fulfil my obligations as a Christian.
And then, I reached my breaking point. One night, I listened to my favourite Sufjan Steven song. It reminded me of the person who I have dearly loved in my life. It reminded me of the time where I loved brothers and sisters at church with all my heart. It reminded me of the days in which I loved to draw near to God out of my good pleasure. Some may claim that nostalgia does more harm than good, but when I recall those moments, I think of my first love. I use it as a point of reference.
I realized that my Christian life has lost its flavour, and that this life of pride and selfishness has taken a toll on me.
I guess that my sense of pride comes from seeking affirmation and approval from others. Yet, I did not seek affirmation from the Lord or from myself. This concept had a detrimental effect on my self-esteem and my relationship with others. Before coming to this trip, I was trapped in the pit of depression and self-pity.
I then asked myself:
Is this the life I want to live?
Is what I am doing good for me?
And then I came to my senses:
Karen, what are you doing to yourself? Why have you let yourself down like this?
As I was asking these questions late at night, the Bible verses came into my mind:
"Faith is the conviction of the things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
Faith. I should truly believe in what the Lord thinks of me. I should set the truth before me. It should be the pillar of my daily life. The essence of my existence. What I am living for?
I am living for Christ.
I learned that I cannot claim my life for my life is hidden in Christ. Why would I seek my value in the vanity of this world if I gave my heart to Christ 11 years ago? In order to regain what was once lost, I need to seek the meaning of my life in Him first. And during the process, I find myself forsaking my pride, the world, feelings of unworthiness...all the things that dragged my spirit, mind and body down.
I was sanctified.
It's been 2 months since I first arrived to Antananarivo, and I'm leaving behind my clothes, 7 pounds (thanks to exercise and a healthy diet), my pride and feelings. It's been 5 years since I've been so joyful and free before men and God.
At the end of this trip, I promised the Lord and myself to stand firm in what I believe in, and that I should seek the Lord with all my heart no matter what. I promised myself not to mind what others think of me because people's views will change. But what the Lord thinks of me will never change. I promised myself to seek the truth and believe in the truth only. I promised myself that I should live my life based on two principles:
1. Love the Lord with all my heart, mind, body and might.
2. Love brothers and sisters with all my heart, mind, body and might.
I know that the things I will face in Vancouver will definitely not be easy. But I have regained what is most vital for my life -I have gained my first love towards the Lord and the Church. And that alone will sustain me.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Baptism
"We fought for your souls and we've won!' he said to all of us with great commotion.
For two years, the coworkers toiled and laboured for the souls of these children. We opened the school in 2010, and thanks to the charity work (free education and food) we have been able to bring many children and their family to Christ. Today I had the honour and pleasure to witness the baptism of the first group of children.
The day was filled with great excitment, music and the love.
For two years, the coworkers toiled and laboured for the souls of these children. We opened the school in 2010, and thanks to the charity work (free education and food) we have been able to bring many children and their family to Christ. Today I had the honour and pleasure to witness the baptism of the first group of children.
The day was filled with great excitment, music and the love.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Happy Birthday, Melody!
Happy birthday to my dearest sister, Melody!
Sending you lots of love from Africa.
Sending you lots of love from Africa.