[I'm going to be a nerd, and post my lifespan paper on identity in my blog.]
Erik Erikson’s fifth stage of psychosocial development consists of identity versus role confusion (Berger, 2010). The adolescent in this stage is constantly seeking his or her identity. The complexities of finding one’s own identity as a person become the primary crisis of adolescence (Erikson, 1968). In this paper, I will attempt to discuss and explore the development of my identity as an adolescent using Erikson’s psychosocial development theory and James Marcia’s theory of identity achievement.
According to Erikson, the ultimate goal that resolves this crisis is identity achievement (Berger, 2010). Identity is achieved when adolescents reconsider the goals and values set by their parents and culture, while accepting some and rejecting others. “With their new autonomy, they maintain continuity with their past in order to move toward their future” (Berger, 2010).
Inspired by Erik Erikson, James Marcia described three specific ways in which young people cope with this crisis as they strive for identity achievement:
role confusion,
foreclosure and
moratorium. Role Confusion is the opposite of identity achievement. It is characterized by a lack of commitment to any goals or values, with apathy and indifference regarding every possible role (Berger, 2010). Role confusion is sometimes called identity diffusion. Some adolescents seem diffuse, unfocused, apathetic and about their future.
To some degree, I experienced role confusion during my last year in High School. I suffered a mild case of “senioritis.” During my last term as a senior, I struggled to get out of bed to go to school. The overwhelming stress of final exams, projects, oral presentations and maintaining my circle of friends triggered a reaction in me. I became more withdrawn. I refused to go to parties, and preferred to read on a Friday night. According to my mom, I became lazier. I was unwilling to help in my family business when they needed me. I wanted my space. My response to demands and stress was indifference.
Foreclosure occurs when, in order to halt the confusion, young people short-circuit their search by accepting traditional values without examining them (Berger, 2010). Or they might adopt an oppositional, negative identity.
I experienced an onset of identity crisis as a Chinese in a Spanish speaking country. Should I embrace my parent’s culture or conform to the majority of my peers? There were no clear-cut traditional values for me. I had to juggle around my role and identity in order to find myself. Subsequently, I adopted multiple identities. For example, when I was home, I lived up to my parent’s expectations: helping out in the business, being respectful and working hard in my homework. When I was school, I tried to fit into my peer group by hanging out in parties, drinking and adopting their style. At church, I tried my best to act like a Christian. I dressed modestly, and behaved decently before the church leaders and members. However, I faced many struggles in my heart. I felt that I was not being true to myself. I was putting on different masks to fit into different social roles. I conformed to the traditional roles and expectations. As a result, I felt fragmented, which led me to a period of moratorium in my late teens.
Moratorium is a kind of time-out. Moratorium is considered a more mature response than foreclosure (Berger, 2010). Societies provide many moratoria that allow adolescents to postpone final identity achievement when they leave high school.
After graduating from High School, I decided to take a break from my studies. From a normal person’s perspective, it seems that I have achieved a lot. I graduated with honours, achieved top marks in the national exams and made a lot of friends. But I felt that there was something lacking in my life. My spiritual life was at it low point. I felt empty inside. Therefore, I decided to embark into a three-month trip to Vancouver. I worked as a volunteer in a Summer day camp, and enrolled in my church’s training program. I took classes on Church History, Systematic Theology, and Mental Health. During those three months, I was able to build meaningful relationships with my church members. I did not feel pressured to fit into social roles. I could freely be myself, and be accepted for who I was. I also developed a stronger relationship with God. I felt that I have finally found myself. Because of my positive experiences during my moratorium, I decided to stay in Vancouver to pursue further education.
Thinking about the formation of my identity as a teenager, I believe that my religious identity was the most distinct among the four arenas of identity achievement. I became a Christian when I was 12. I chose a religion that was different from my parents’. My dad is Buddhist, and my mother is a Catholic. As a result, I was very different from my family and peers. My religion gave me values to stand on. Even though I faced a period of confusion and rebellion, I still held those values close to my life.
I had many circles of friends at school. But my closest friends were my Christian friends. They had a very big impact in my life. My best friend was a missionary kid. He introduced me to Christian culture –Christian music, youth groups and missionary trips. His parents invited me over their house to their gatherings, and to short-term mission trips. These experiences helped me to develop a passion for missions, and to pursue a meaningful life devoted to God and His commission. Thus, when I was in University, I joined many missionary trips. I went to Fiji in 2008, 2009 and 2010. I recently came back from a 2-month mission trip in South Africa.
Looking back, the development of my identity as a teenager was an emotional and confusing journey. At times, I felt so depressed and fragmented that I was about to give up. It was not easy to keep up to society’s expectations when I knew that I was so different inside. However, I learned that the most important part of this stage in life was to accept myself for who I was. It was during my moratorium in my late teens, that I finally found and embraced my identity. I treasure the fact that I am unique: I am a Chinese born in a Spanish country, a passionate Christian, and a human being with talents and dreams.
Reference
Berger, Kathleen Stassen. (2010). Invitation to the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers.
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