The Prisoner

The captive raised her face; it was a soft and mild

As sculptured marble saint; or slumbering unweaned child;

It was so soft and mild, it was so sweet and fair, 

Pain could not trace a line, or grief a shadow there!

The captive raised her hand and pressed it to her brow; 

"I have been struck," she said, "and I am suffering now;

Yet these are little worth, your bolts and iron strong; 

And, were they forged in steel, they could not hold me long."

-Emily Brontë, 

"The Prisoner," 1845

To experience the different facets of life

I grew up in a very religious community...where wearing nail polish was deemed wrong, using sleeveless shirts was provocative and listening to non-Christian music was worldly.

I lived in this kind of environment from age 12-23. I truly believed that by following God, reading the Bible every day and following the rules imposed by this community, I would live a full and glorious life.

Yet, deep down, I often felt suppressed and unfulfilled. The religious leaders would isolate me from my family members, become weirdly jealous when I attended other youth meetings and were just very controlling. 

Again, at a young age, I thought I was doing the right thing...leaving everything behind to follow Jesus. 

But as I became older, travelled more and met more people, I realized that this religious community was not normal. It was abusive. If I did not attend, say a Friday meeting, they would call and check on me. They did not respect my boundaries. They started asking for money. I didn't feel loved or supported. I felt used. 

So I left. 

I changed my phone number and stopped going to all meetings. 

I erased all my contacts from social media and quit cold turkey. 

To this day, I have not returned or contacted any members. 

It has been by far one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It took me every ounce of courage to leave. But it was worth it. 

I sincerely believe that Jesus does not want us to live a life of spiritual abuse. He gave us all freedom. Freedom to live life and choose our life paths. 

And I started to carve my own path, with its ups and downs, but I experienced freedom. 

I moved to Costa Rica and started from scratch. It was not easy but so liberating to finally live a life that I wanted.

I was able to attend Summer programmes in Cambridge and the School of Oriental and African studies in the UK. I am currently doing a Masters on International Education in the University of Bath. 

I went to Senegal and helped out on a project started by a Costa Rican and it was so interesting to experience another culture. 

I met a loving partner that supports me in all my dreams. He takes cares of me and loves me for who I am. We have a dream of traveling and working in different places while producing art and literature. 

I was able to experience the different facets that life has to offer...the good and the bad. I've experienced heartbreak, disappointment, joy, love but most of all freedom. 

Let no one take away your freedom...

For life is too short to live a life that others want you to live. 

Xian

Xian was handsdown my favorite stop in our honeymoon. 

During our first date, Michael asked me if I could go anywhere in the world...where it would be? I answered: The Silk Road. And he said "we shall go one day." In my mind, I thought he was a little crazy since it was our first date. Also in my mind, the Silk Road encompasses: Xian, Uzbekistan, Kyrgystan, Turkey, parts of Iran and lastly Italy. Travelling to those places would be the ultimate adventure since my inner nerd loves the history and art of the Silk Road. 

To be honest, Beijing was quite hectic and stressful since it was such a big city and the people were a tad bit unfriendly. If it wasn't for my friend whom I met in Bath, we would be lost. Xian was much friendlier, the people spoke more English and it was such a culinary adventure! 

The first day, we ventured down to Muslim Street! It has always been a dream of mine to taste all the delicacies and see the encounter between the East and West of China. We had so much fun tasting all the street food: oysters, flat bread with meat fillings, lamb burgers, steamed dumplings...you name it! Everything seemed so exquisite and exotic...Western China is quite impressive (I have previously travelled to China but only knew the Cantonese side).

The second day, we went to see the Terracota warriors. I have seen them in history books and heard about them but to actually see them was kind of surreal. I recommend booking a tour since the museum is 1 hour away from the city, and it so much easier to have a guide. We also met one of the farmers that discovered the Terracota Warriors. It was interesting to learn that the warriors had a hierarchy and were placed a certain way for auspicious purposes. We also went to the Ban Po people museum where we learned about the ancient settlers who had similar cultural practices as the Mosuo people (walking marriages, round houses) in the south. 

The third day, we went to the Giant Wild Goose Pagoda. I really recommend this place since it has a nice garden to walk around and different ancient artefacts to look at. The Pagoda itself is not accesible to the public since it is so old. There is a giant bronze bell that you can play for good luck (for the price of 5 yuan ~ $0.70). It was an overally fun place to tour around. At night, we attended a Tang dynasty show which was really cool since it showcased the costumes, music and traditionsof said dynasty.

Overall, I would rate Xian 10/10 in terms of food, hospitality and adventure factor. I woudl definitely go again just for the food!

Pictures for your enjoyment:

 

The Southern Skies

 (Inspired by my travels to Fiji in the Summers of 2008, 2009, 2010)

 

Oh to walk at night, 

Gazing at the Southern skies, 

Gilded with stars, as bright as

Jewels, dancing in their glory

To the music of the spheres. 

With Melody by my side, 

We were singing as we walked  

From Nasese to Suva, 

Dreaming bright dreams of Abba.

To all the naysayers

I have always lived my life in my own terms.

Despite the naysayers, the religious people, and even my own family, I have always had my mind on my own. 

"Africa is too dangerous."

I travelled to Madagascar, South Africa and Senegal in my twenties. Travelling to those countries opened my eyes and helped me learn so much from the world. 

"Why did you leave church?"

I left an spiritual abusive church and a system of thought that was soul crushing and mind boggling in so many ways. It has been by far one of the most difficult things I have gone through.

"You can't do it on your own," they said. "Why are you leaving everything behind?" 

I moved to Canada alone at 18 and moved to Costa Rica on my own at 27. Got a bachelors degree in Canada and I am working at a job in Costa Rica that fulfills my purpose on earth. 

"Why don't you have a boyfriend? It must be so dull."

I took Summer courses in Cambridge University and University of London and had the chance to meet interesting people around the world. I embraced my freedom in my late 20s and pursued my interests fiercely.

"He is too old, he might be married."

And I married a University professor (he is not that old btw...mid 30s) who teaches sculpture at Costa Rica's largest university and makes me breakfast everyday. 

"Why don't you get married in a hotel? It will be much easier."

And I got married in a forest, in a volcano in a Vera Wang dress, with my closest friends, a string quartet and Salvadoran artesanal ice-cream at my wedding. Just like I wanted it to be. 

"When will you have babies?"

Just stop. Seriously. Stop. We have been married for only 8 months and we are in the middle of a pandemic. I am getting my Masters degree in Education and babies are still not part of the equation. 

In my 31 years of existence, one thing that I have learned is that no one else will live your life. Naysayers are often people who are not courageous enough to live out their own lives. They are often sad people who judge your life to make themselves to feel better. 

Life is too short to allow such people to push you back. 

People should just let other people be. 

Our Honeymoon in China (Part 1 - Beijing)

When I first met Michael, one of his first questions was where I would like to travel. I replied that I would love to go to the Silk Road one day. His response to that was that he would come to with me. I was like "yeah, right...first date and he already wants to travel with me." Little did I know that we would eventually get married and travel to the Silk Road for our honeymoon.

Fast forward 1 year and a half from our first date, we get married in this beautiful forest wedding. After spending a few days in the lake with out-of-town friends, we embark into a 25 hour journey to Beijing. My very good friend from my masters programme in Bath was kind enough to let us stay with her. So I was excited to see her and explore China with my new husband.

Prior to the trip, I was anxious about travelling to China without my parents. I can only speak broken Mandarin and the idea of peeing in squat toilets did not excite me. But here I was, newlywed and seeking adventure with my sculptor husband.

Once we arrived to Beijing, we grabbed a cab to go to Susan's place. I printed out the directions in Chinese since I can barely communicate in Mandarin (my family speaks Cantonese). We were without Internet, no google maps, no way to communicate with Susan. Nothing. We arrive at the compound (Yao Min lives in the same compound by the way), and we knock on the door but no one answers. We tried to call Susan and she explains to the taxi driver how to get to the right house. Anyways, long story short, we arrive and we go for Hot Pot during the evening.

Our days in Beijing were filled with excitment, fun and much frustration. We ventured into the Great Wall and the Ming Tombs the second day we got there. The Great Wall during Winter looked very pretty. The air was crisp, there were not many people and the winter scenery looked and sounded poetic. Michael and I climbed the stairs and got up to the third tower before we started our descent. Now, the descent was interesting. Instead of going down through the chairlifts we toboganned our way down. It was so much fun.

Other points of interests that we visited were the Forbidden City, the National Art Museum and the Art District. The thing about Beijing is that it takes HOURS to get from one place to another. A subway journey to Tiannamen from our place took literally 2 hours. The overall atmosphere was serious and rigid. People in the subway were quiet and serious. I was also not used to the idea of being under surveillance all the time. There were cameras in the streets, public transportations, museums...everywhere. It made me feel a bit paranoid since they have face detection technology. 

After we had enough of Beijing, we decided that our next stop would be Xian. We've heard all kinds of fascinating things about the city. However, figuring how to get to Xian was a major point of frustration. We first booked a high speed train, but the reservations got cancelled last minute because they did not register our passport information (thanks to the Internet restriction!). We got to the train station and tried to buy the tickets, but since my Mandarin is almost non-existence, we ended up buying a 14-hour journey in 4th class. So we had no other option but to go back to Susan's place and book air tickets to Xian. Thankfully, everything worked out and we left during the evening.

To be honest, I experienced much frustration for not being able to speak Mandarin. Everyone assumed that I spoke the language since I look ethnically Chinese. I even tried to lie that I was Korean one time to avoid the trouble of explaining why I don't speak Chinese but they didn't believe me. Chinese people are really good at detecting what kind of Asian you are!

I will be posting Part 2 (Xian) soon.

Pictures for your enjoyment:

The Day of Gladness of our Hearts

My wedding day was a dream come true.

It was the day where we shared our love and joy for each other.

It was a celebration that gathered all my dearests family members and friends together.

My heart is full. 

Courage

What is courage?

Courage means leaving a cult-like system of beliefs that trapped you into being a religious automaton and choosing the life you love.

Courage means moving away from the comforts of home in pursuit of a life that is meaningful and beautiful.

Courage means cutting ties with toxic people and choosing to forge healthy friendships instead.

Courage means saying no.

Courage means digressing from the cultural norm of marrying someone from your same culture. Courage is to marry someone you love.

To love is a courageous act.

Courage is to travel to a foreign country by yourself. It's liberating.

Courage means speaking up.

Courage means finding your path and following it. 

The depths of love

It's been a while since I posted on my blog. Life, a Masters degree, planning a wedding and starting a new job has kept me busy.

Love has been a recurring theme in my life, and I am strong believer that finding love in life is a birthright. My dating experiences in the past have not been very pleasant but I was wise enough to get out of those situations fast. Looking back, those experiences were fleeting and insignificant. And the pain that I had to undergo made me to start losing hope in romantic love.

Since my last relationship, I stayed three years single...happily travelling around the globe with a non-chalant attitude towards love and dating. I worked, studied, made friends and chased my own kind of happiness. Asian parents were naturally worried as I remained single during my late 20s while my cousins and counterparts were getting married and having kids by the bunch.

Then came The Sculptor.

It started with a "hey, let's grab a beer" to hiking mountains in Heredia while talking about artistic movements and Philosophy, late afternoon coffees and watching The Avengers (hated Infinity Wars btw). It then grew into having The Sculptor taking care of me while I was sick, cooking together and watching Netflix on rainy days. The sense of familiarity and warmth made me feel safe to love and experience love again. The feeling of familiarity soon blossomed into a feeling of home. We belonged.

Love is like coming home.  

And this brings me into deeper thought about love. When I was younger, I used to be caught up by the thrill of the chase, looks, the infatuation stage, etc. But now I've come to understand that love is spoken through actions. Just a few days ago, I was very sick and had to go to the hospital. My partner rushed into the emergency ward after work to pick me up. He then cooked me dinner and made me tea. We cuddled in our Pjs, watched La Casa de Papel and laughed at our stupid jokes.

We are getting married in December and I feel so lucky to have found a life partner.

Sketches

1981. A young Chinese man travels from The People's Republic of China to El Salvador 

"Five years of dreaming and waiting. Five more minutes until landing. I have 7 dollars in my pocket, a big brother waiting for me at the airport and a handful of dreams to fulfill. Dreams. I want to be rich."

He sighs and smiles, the sides of his eyes wrinkles as he sees the green tropical landscape from the skies.

Landing.

Picture this: Comalapa airport in the early 1980s during the brink of the Civil War. A young Chinese man going through customs with bell bottom jeans, aviator glasses and a simple shirt. He sees his brother waiting for him on the other side. They embrace and talk. Someone from the same hometown is with his brother. Same dialect, same custom. He was my mother's brother. Little did he know that this connection would change his life.

Growing up, my father used to tell me his first impressions and stories about when he immigrated to El Salvador. How he met my mother. How he tried to save money for his first business. How he struggled to learn Spanish. Yet, in spite of so many difficulties, he always hoped for the best.

I am trying to piece every story and every anecdote together.

Education

Forty years ago, my father tried to cross the Shizi Ocean in Southern China with the hope of escaping to Hong Kong. “It was late at night, my brother and I borrowed an old boat and tried to row our way down to Hong Kong. The next thing we saw were the Communist policemen pointing their guns at us and taking us to jail,” he recalls as he lights a cigarette. “But that did not stop us. We had to get out of that oppressive system.” As a child of the Cultural Revolution, my father withstood countless trials living under the Communist regime. He witnessed how the Communist government took over his family’s business – a Soy Sauce factory which previous generations had worked really hard to build and keep running, and the burning of precious family relics. He was constantly bullied in school because of his supposedly ‘Capitalist’ family background. “No one played with me, except little Wai. Oh, Little Wai was so good…but he never had the guts to get out of that system. He still lives on the farm.” 

The death of Mao Zedong marked a new era for my family which had an impact on my own personal history. Deng Xiaoping came into power and his economic reforms allowed people more freedom to travel. My father had a brother who started a business in El Salvador. In 1981, with only seven US dollars in his pocket and a one-way ticket, he flew over to El Salvador, a small country in Central America; a country that was ransacked by a civil war at that time. Nevertheless, he worked hard ---making Chop Suey and Chao Mein in his brother’s small restaurant with the sounds of bombs and guns in the background. He and my uncle faithfully sent money over to China to keep their starving relatives alive. 

In the late 1980s, I was born into this humble Chinese family during the height of the Salvadorean Civil War. Even though my family did not have much at the time, they invested what they had into my education. My father enrolled me into the British School, one of the best schools in the country. He said that Education would open many doors in the future. Thanks to the British School I began to grasp and understand the world with a more holistic and critical perspective. The IB programme opened my eyes to the literature and rich experiences of other cultures. 

After graduating, I was accepted into the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada. While there, I joined a NGO which gave me opportunities to travel to the far ends of the world. For three Summers, I would go to the Fiji Islands to help lead and direct an after school tutoring club. From this experience, I learned that Education is a transformational and a powerful tool which helps build communities. It was so enriching to cultivate positive and inspiring relationships with my students. Many of them have become teachers to this day. 

After completing my undergrad, I spent three months in the township of Khayelitsha in Cape Town, South Africa volunteering as an English teacher and team leader in an after-school programme. I witnessed how the AIDS stricken township lacked schools and after-school facilities to take care of their young people. Parents had to travel and work long hours, leaving their young behind vulnerable to strangers and dangerous situations. 

The place that I made the definite decision to dedicate my life to education and empowering youth for a better future was when I travelled to Antananarivo, Madagascar in 2012. My heart wrenched when I saw the extreme poverty in the city. That 3-month trip was eye-opening as I soon learned that most of my students lived under $2 USD a day. Many of them did not have enough money for medical expenses or food. 

Although, I am currently working as an IB Theory of Knowledge and a Language Arts teacher in a private school serving the wealthier community in Escazú, my heart still lies with the people from the poorer communities. This was confirmed last year when I travelled to Senegal to volunteer with Marabout children who have been abandoned by their families. One day, as I saw the Marabout children begging for food on the streets, I remembered my father’s words: “Education can give you the tools for change. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Conversations

While having hotpot, our traditional go-to celebratory meal.

"I would've never imagined that I would be marrying someone that I really, really like."
*Smiles*
"I am crazy about you."

I am engaged. And I feel incredibly happy and at peace.

Khachaturian Violin Concerto

Rules to live by

• Stay away from toxic friendships, toxic family members and toxic people in general. If they are not contributing to your life (in terms of growth, joy, love), it is better not have them in your life at all or keep at arms distance when necessary.
• Stay away from toxic religious groups. Run to the other direction. I speak from experience. Whatever I did was never enough for them. They were a manipulative, deceiving and loveless group. When I was sick, they refused to take me to the hospital. When I was away, they tried to take my money. When I left them, they talked shit behind my back (harming my reputation). Never again.
• Do what you are good at and serve the community.
• Travel. And travel more.
• Learn new things.
• Set goals and achieve them in due diligence.
• Be yourself and be happy. 

The stars will be laughing

“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent. You-You alone will have stars as no one else has them... In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Update

I've been MIA from this blog due to multiple reasons. I started a new job as a Middle School/High School teacher at a bigger International School in Costa Rica, and things have been crazy busy!

Anyways, here is the latest scoop:

• My grade 7 students are learning how to debate in a trial. It's interesting how debating open new venues of learning. Students are supporting their arguments using quotes from the book. 
• I've been asked to be an Extended Essay supervisor by two of my students. It feels like my life is coming into full circle.
• I am going to Africa on December 26th for 3 weeks. I will be supporting the ministry in Senegal for abandoned Muslim women and girls. 

Summer in Cambridge

1 Corinthians 13:12

"For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known."

There is a sense of timelessness and wonder everytime I read this passage in 
1 Corinthians 13. 

This verse constantly reminds me of the innate self-knowledge and value that God is waiting for us to explore and manifest in our lives.

This year, I became known as Ms. Chang. 

I came to know and appreciate sides of me that were unknown to me before.

-Sides of compassion, love and truth brought out by challenging circumstances.
-Experiencing the deep joy of bringing knowledge, building skills sets and showing my students different ways to view the world.
-The rewarding aspect of seeing my students' growth, success and happiness.
-The gift of building community inside and outside the classroom.
-And so much more...

And although at times I felt discouraged at the murk of the routine and challenges, this year has been ultimately empowering and healing. The positive outweighs the negative.

The Great God Bird

In the delta sun, down in Arkansas,
It's the great god bird with its altar call,
And the sewing machine, the industrial god,
On the great bayou where they saw it fall.

It's the great god bird, down in Arkansas,
And the hunters beware, or the fishers fall,
And paradise might close from it's safe flight flawed,
It's the great god bird through it all.

And the watchers beware, lest they see it fall,
And paradise might laugh when at last it falls,
And the sewing machine, the industrial god,
It's the great god bird with it's altar call.

Yes, it's the great god bird with its altar call,
Yes, it's the great god bird through it all!

Sinestesia

A ver como te lo digo,
Es como ver el mundo por los oídos,
Saborear lo que se esta cocinando con los ojos,
Palpar las texturas de las sinfonías de Stravinsky,
Oir la melodía de cada cuadro en exhibición,
Y oler las salidas y puestas del sol.

Es una curiosa condición,
Pero al ver las cosas diferente que a los demás
Resulta ser una gran bendición.