The depths of love

It's been a while since I posted on my blog. Life, a Masters degree, planning a wedding and starting a new job has kept me busy.

Love has been a recurring theme in my life, and I am strong believer that finding love in life is a birthright. My dating experiences in the past have not been very pleasant but I was wise enough to get out of those situations fast. Looking back, those experiences were fleeting and insignificant. And the pain that I had to undergo made me to start losing hope in romantic love.

Since my last relationship, I stayed three years single...happily travelling around the globe with a non-chalant attitude towards love and dating. I worked, studied, made friends and chased my own kind of happiness. Asian parents were naturally worried as I remained single during my late 20s while my cousins and counterparts were getting married and having kids by the bunch.

Then came The Sculptor.

It started with a "hey, let's grab a beer" to hiking mountains in Heredia while talking about artistic movements and Philosophy, late afternoon coffees and watching The Avengers (hated Infinity Wars btw). It then grew into having The Sculptor taking care of me while I was sick, cooking together and watching Netflix on rainy days. The sense of familiarity and warmth made me feel safe to love and experience love again. The feeling of familiarity soon blossomed into a feeling of home. We belonged.

Love is like coming home.  

And this brings me into deeper thought about love. When I was younger, I used to be caught up by the thrill of the chase, looks, the infatuation stage, etc. But now I've come to understand that love is spoken through actions. Just a few days ago, I was very sick and had to go to the hospital. My partner rushed into the emergency ward after work to pick me up. He then cooked me dinner and made me tea. We cuddled in our Pjs, watched La Casa de Papel and laughed at our stupid jokes.

We are getting married in December and I feel so lucky to have found a life partner.

Sketches

1981. A young Chinese man travels from The People's Republic of China to El Salvador 

"Five years of dreaming and waiting. Five more minutes until landing. I have 7 dollars in my pocket, a big brother waiting for me at the airport and a handful of dreams to fulfill. Dreams. I want to be rich."

He sighs and smiles, the sides of his eyes wrinkles as he sees the green tropical landscape from the skies.

Landing.

Picture this: Comalapa airport in the early 1980s during the brink of the Civil War. A young Chinese man going through customs with bell bottom jeans, aviator glasses and a simple shirt. He sees his brother waiting for him on the other side. They embrace and talk. Someone from the same hometown is with his brother. Same dialect, same custom. He was my mother's brother. Little did he know that this connection would change his life.

Growing up, my father used to tell me his first impressions and stories about when he immigrated to El Salvador. How he met my mother. How he tried to save money for his first business. How he struggled to learn Spanish. Yet, in spite of so many difficulties, he always hoped for the best.

I am trying to piece every story and every anecdote together.

Education

Forty years ago, my father tried to cross the Shizi Ocean in Southern China with the hope of escaping to Hong Kong. “It was late at night, my brother and I borrowed an old boat and tried to row our way down to Hong Kong. The next thing we saw were the Communist policemen pointing their guns at us and taking us to jail,” he recalls as he lights a cigarette. “But that did not stop us. We had to get out of that oppressive system.” As a child of the Cultural Revolution, my father withstood countless trials living under the Communist regime. He witnessed how the Communist government took over his family’s business – a Soy Sauce factory which previous generations had worked really hard to build and keep running, and the burning of precious family relics. He was constantly bullied in school because of his supposedly ‘Capitalist’ family background. “No one played with me, except little Wai. Oh, Little Wai was so good…but he never had the guts to get out of that system. He still lives on the farm.” 

The death of Mao Zedong marked a new era for my family which had an impact on my own personal history. Deng Xiaoping came into power and his economic reforms allowed people more freedom to travel. My father had a brother who started a business in El Salvador. In 1981, with only seven US dollars in his pocket and a one-way ticket, he flew over to El Salvador, a small country in Central America; a country that was ransacked by a civil war at that time. Nevertheless, he worked hard ---making Chop Suey and Chao Mein in his brother’s small restaurant with the sounds of bombs and guns in the background. He and my uncle faithfully sent money over to China to keep their starving relatives alive. 

In the late 1980s, I was born into this humble Chinese family during the height of the Salvadorean Civil War. Even though my family did not have much at the time, they invested what they had into my education. My father enrolled me into the British School, one of the best schools in the country. He said that Education would open many doors in the future. Thanks to the British School I began to grasp and understand the world with a more holistic and critical perspective. The IB programme opened my eyes to the literature and rich experiences of other cultures. 

After graduating, I was accepted into the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada. While there, I joined a NGO which gave me opportunities to travel to the far ends of the world. For three Summers, I would go to the Fiji Islands to help lead and direct an after school tutoring club. From this experience, I learned that Education is a transformational and a powerful tool which helps build communities. It was so enriching to cultivate positive and inspiring relationships with my students. Many of them have become teachers to this day. 

After completing my undergrad, I spent three months in the township of Khayelitsha in Cape Town, South Africa volunteering as an English teacher and team leader in an after-school programme. I witnessed how the AIDS stricken township lacked schools and after-school facilities to take care of their young people. Parents had to travel and work long hours, leaving their young behind vulnerable to strangers and dangerous situations. 

The place that I made the definite decision to dedicate my life to education and empowering youth for a better future was when I travelled to Antananarivo, Madagascar in 2012. My heart wrenched when I saw the extreme poverty in the city. That 3-month trip was eye-opening as I soon learned that most of my students lived under $2 USD a day. Many of them did not have enough money for medical expenses or food. 

Although, I am currently working as an IB Theory of Knowledge and a Language Arts teacher in a private school serving the wealthier community in Escazú, my heart still lies with the people from the poorer communities. This was confirmed last year when I travelled to Senegal to volunteer with Marabout children who have been abandoned by their families. One day, as I saw the Marabout children begging for food on the streets, I remembered my father’s words: “Education can give you the tools for change. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Conversations

While having hotpot, our traditional go-to celebratory meal.

"I would've never imagined that I would be marrying someone that I really, really like."
*Smiles*
"I am crazy about you."

I am engaged. And I feel incredibly happy and at peace.

Khachaturian Violin Concerto

Rules to live by

• Stay away from toxic friendships, toxic family members and toxic people in general. If they are not contributing to your life (in terms of growth, joy, love), it is better not have them in your life at all or keep at arms distance when necessary.
• Stay away from toxic religious groups. Run to the other direction. I speak from experience. Whatever I did was never enough for them. They were a manipulative, deceiving and loveless group. When I was sick, they refused to take me to the hospital. When I was away, they tried to take my money. When I left them, they talked shit behind my back (harming my reputation). Never again.
• Do what you are good at and serve the community.
• Travel. And travel more.
• Learn new things.
• Set goals and achieve them in due diligence.
• Be yourself and be happy. 

The stars will be laughing

“All men have stars, but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems... But all these stars are silent. You-You alone will have stars as no one else has them... In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh”

― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Update

I've been MIA from this blog due to multiple reasons. I started a new job as a Middle School/High School teacher at a bigger International School in Costa Rica, and things have been crazy busy!

Anyways, here is the latest scoop:

• My grade 7 students are learning how to debate in a trial. It's interesting how debating open new venues of learning. Students are supporting their arguments using quotes from the book. 
• I've been asked to be an Extended Essay supervisor by two of my students. It feels like my life is coming into full circle.
• I am going to Africa on December 26th for 3 weeks. I will be supporting the ministry in Senegal for abandoned Muslim women and girls. 

Summer in Cambridge

1 Corinthians 13:12

"For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known."

There is a sense of timelessness and wonder everytime I read this passage in 
1 Corinthians 13. 

This verse constantly reminds me of the innate self-knowledge and value that God is waiting for us to explore and manifest in our lives.

This year, I became known as Ms. Chang. 

I came to know and appreciate sides of me that were unknown to me before.

-Sides of compassion, love and truth brought out by challenging circumstances.
-Experiencing the deep joy of bringing knowledge, building skills sets and showing my students different ways to view the world.
-The rewarding aspect of seeing my students' growth, success and happiness.
-The gift of building community inside and outside the classroom.
-And so much more...

And although at times I felt discouraged at the murk of the routine and challenges, this year has been ultimately empowering and healing. The positive outweighs the negative.

The Great God Bird

In the delta sun, down in Arkansas,
It's the great god bird with its altar call,
And the sewing machine, the industrial god,
On the great bayou where they saw it fall.

It's the great god bird, down in Arkansas,
And the hunters beware, or the fishers fall,
And paradise might close from it's safe flight flawed,
It's the great god bird through it all.

And the watchers beware, lest they see it fall,
And paradise might laugh when at last it falls,
And the sewing machine, the industrial god,
It's the great god bird with it's altar call.

Yes, it's the great god bird with its altar call,
Yes, it's the great god bird through it all!

Sinestesia

A ver como te lo digo,
Es como ver el mundo por los oídos,
Saborear lo que se esta cocinando con los ojos,
Palpar las texturas de las sinfonías de Stravinsky,
Oir la melodía de cada cuadro en exhibición,
Y oler las salidas y puestas del sol.

Es una curiosa condición,
Pero al ver las cosas diferente que a los demás
Resulta ser una gran bendición.

Maracuyá

Las noches en Costa Rica
Empiezan a saber a maracuyá.
Fruta fresca,
Dulce delicia,
Sabor a paz y lluvia fuerte.
Quien diría,
Como me sorprenderías
Costa Rica. 

Legalism and other thoughts

The Legalist way is not the way to life.

The Legalist way is not a way of life.

So my late 20s has been a time of considerable reflection in my life and faith. A lot has happened ever since I've been around Christian institutions and seeing the realities of our times. A lot of questions have been raised when I see what is happening around and the dubious behaviour of individuals in these institutions.

-Maybe it was the time when the leader of the church asked me for money when I got sick from Africa. And asking me to delete that email afterwards so that the congregation would not find out.

-Maybe it was the Salvadorean Pastor who appeared in the newspapers headlines after being caught in a motel having an affair with one of the churchgoers.

-And many more 'hypocrisy revealing acts' that I have witnessed throughout my life.

Yes, yes. I get it. It's human nature. We are all prone to sin. Yes, Yes. No one is perfect. Yadda...yadda...

But what truly irks me is that these individuals or institutions shame other individuals with their legalistic preaching and self-righteous ways. Thou shalt not wear nail polish or make up. But they have all the right to talk behind people's back and backstab them. Thou shalt not commit adultery or have sex before marriage, yet they are the ones committing those sins behind closed doors and begging forgiveness and compassion when their actions are brought into light.

These individuals preach legality, encourage legality and live by legality. Yet there is no ethos. No actions to back up their words. There is little to no love for those who have sinned and are wounded by life's blows. 

And this leads to this thought: Legality does not bring life or love to anyone. Legality only brings scorn, shame, fear and separation. It only brings people to constantly measure themselves and others for nothing but some empty approval.

An approval that means nothing. Absolutely nothing.

No wonder did Jesus warn us about the Saducees and Pharisees in the Gospels. No wonder his ministry was so focused in revealing their hypocrisy and their hearts...because there are so many of them nowadays. 

Anyways, enough of my ramblings. It is late and there is much to do in the morrow...

Year End Reflections

I asked my students to write year-end reflections today. Looking back, this school year has been filled of mixed moments - moments of genuine joy when I see students learn about themselves and moments of frustration when I struggled with some of the student's indifferent attitude. This year's experience has significantly shaped me as an educator and as a person. I am determined to become an educator that will empower students with useful skills for life and create meaningful experiences and connections for them.

Below are some blog entries from my students:

1. It’s the end of the school year, something amazingly surprising. It almost seems like it was yesterday when we were picking lockers and meeting all the teachers, when we were all following each other because we didn’t know what class or hall was each and were very lost. I still remember that day, and when I look back at everything that happened this year I get shocked and can’t believe that this year is already going to close. And although I don’t have a very interesting social or drama life, for me, this year still contained many experiences and memories that I will remember. Some of these experiences I know shaped me and will determine my future, and others that are more personal will remain as precious memories but still affected the person that I am today.

I think that the experiences that I said will shape me and my future all start with Ms. Chang. Since the beginning of the year she has been an amazing teacher and my thoughts on her definitely never changed. The MUN that she organized for the class made me discover my passion for human rights and debating and later made me enter the real MUN, and so far I’m completely loving it and getting unimaginable success when I thought I wasn’t going to do good. I think being in MUN is the greatest academic achievement and experience of this year that will definitely define eight grade for me, so in the future whenever I think of eight grade or the year of 2016-2017, I’m going to think of my first time being in MUN. Honestly, I don’t think that MUN is going to be a temporal thing in my life, especially with all the success and fun that I’m getting out of it, recently I’ve been thinking of becoming a delegate or ambassador but I still haven’t decided that for sure because I have other dreams and aspirations. My biggest achievement of this year also had to do with MUN, so far I have only gone to three conferences and I have already won two awards, a verbal mention and a best delegate, which was honestly one of the happiest moments of my life that I thought I was never going to have.

I feel like I’ve been talking about MUN for a long time now so now I’m going to move on, but to resume this, thank you Ms. Chang for being a great teacher, my favorite, and doing all of the projects that made me learn something amazing about myself, I will sure miss you, you taught me a lot of great things that I’ll need and use in the future. The final thing that I’m going to be talking about is three things that I learned this year, it was quite a lot of things but I’ll pick three of the main ones. This year I learned a lot about acceptance and self-identity, about friendship and that you always need to look at the bright side, have hope and always give your best. This was a school year that I will definitely remember. 

2. My reflection this year is to live your life like you want to live it. You should never regret anything in life. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. Something that I will remember forever is the happy and sad moments that I have been going through with my friends and classmates. Something that we did this year that I will remember for the rest of my life is when we went to the amusement park with all middle school and high school. In general, in life I have accomplish so many things that I am proud of, but this is the main one: I work so hard to pass eight grade with good grades.

Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. The most challenging part of this year for me was the debates we did with Ms. Chang, because I am a very shy person and I’m a nervous person when it comes to talking in front of a crowd. If I could change one thing that happened this year, would be my language. Something that was hard for me at the start of the year but is easy now is my writing, now I can express myself easier in my writing. In an area that I feel I made my biggest improvements was in English because Ms. Chang help me to better my English. A person at our school that has made the biggest impact in my life were my friends and Ms. Chang because they help me to better myself in a good way. Something that the teacher could have done to make this year better was to go to more field trips. My advice that I could give students next year is to work harder. Don’t allow someone to make you feel like you’re not good enough. 
3. 

Ms Chang's Top Teaching Moments

The school year is finally coming to an end. And as much as I love my students and teaching, there were certainly moments of crazy frustration. But nevertheless, this has been one of my most rewarding years teaching Language Arts and Social Studies. Here are my top teaching moments in Costa Rica so far:

Entrepreneurship Project:
Ever since the inception of the project, students got so excited and competitive. I didn't fully realize the extent of the impact of this project until I read some of my students' blog entry. This proves that education is effective when meaningful experiences and connections are made. This unit helped me realize the importance of creating meaningful experiences that would 'awaken' students' strengths and talents. Below is an excerpt of a students' blog entry.

"Since I was a kid, I’ve always had talents within me that I’m starting to realize now. For example, I never knew that I could handle a business the way that I did in the entrepreneurship project. I never thought that I could finance projects and get two times the profit. I never knew that I could be a leader and enjoy making new projects and ideas. I guess I’m innovative, creative, open minded, hardworking, tough, and most importantly, I set goals to myself. Aside from these talents, I know that I need to develop new talents so that I can become an engineer or a business man. I can develop new talents that I will learn during my years of study and dedication. I think that these two careers are the ones for me, I like building and creating stuff, I like managing my own businesses, I like numbers, and many other things."  
 
An Inspector Calls:
There is nothing more rewarding for a Language Arts teacher walking into a room full of teenagers begging to read. Literally Begging. "Ms Chang, can we PLEASEEE read today." There is something magical about connecting literature to the mundane and to real-life drama, and seeing students taking pleasure in it. 

A Passion for Debate and Public Speaking:
I introduced my students to Model United Nations and the Classic Debate earlier on during the school year. Students spent weeks doing research and learning how to structure arguements and counter arguments. Some students went on to participate Model United Nations in other schools. My proudest moment was when I learned that one of my students won Top Delegate in one of the Model United Nations at one of the best schools. And one of my other proudest moment was when students asked me to practice their debating skills in my classroom during lunch time. Seeing them voluntarily discuss about Women's rights, Domestic Violence, Religion during their free time made me literally cry internal tears of joy.

All in all, I have really come to see education as a way to empower and to equip students for the future. They need to be challenged to grow, nurture skills for real-life situations and to step out of their comfort zone.

Milk and Honey

I have been lately obsessed with Rupi Kaur's Milk and Honey -honest, minimalistic poetry that takes you to so many places of the heart. 

Those teaching moments

That moment when your students gather in a circle, under a tree to practice their MUN debate voluntarily while you are doing duty. "Roll Call". "Moderated caucus". "China you have the floor." "5 seconds." There is nothing more rewarding than to see their growth, enthusiasm and skills flourish so beautifully. Nothing more rewarding than to see them happy and growing.

Bucket List

The places I want to go:

• Islamic China
• Tibetan China
• Yunnan (China)
• Vietnam
• Thailand
• Malaysia
• India
• Pakistan
• Nepal
• Myanmar
• Eastern Europe (the Baltic countries)
• Greece
• Croatia
• Scotland (the Highlands)
• Argentina
• Chile
• Mexico (again)
• Morocco
• Canary Islands
• Portugal
• Spain (Andalucia region)
• France (Provence)

Life lately

It's crazy to think that it's been almost one year since I moved to Costa Rica! Here are some pictures chronicling my life lately:

I love the climate in Costa Rica!

Officially part of the IB team! I will be teaching TOK for the IB Programme.

One of my close friends got married recently. I am thankful that I got to be one of her bridesmaids