Adventurous

I've always been the adventurous kind of person.

The kind of person that sees life as an experience, rather than an end itself. The kind of person that receives a phone call from a friend, hops into the next bus and visits an indigenous village the same night. The kind of person that is curious for life and is open to see the world in different ways.

My best life experiences come from traveling.

I still want to see and experience so many things in life. I want to see what human trafficking is like in South East Asia and do something about it. I want to visit the Garifunas in Honduras and see how their culture and identity has evolved throughout the years. I want to study about the exile of the Jews in Spain and how they have adapted to other cultures while still preserving their customs. I want to reach to new depths of understanding of the human condition and gain a richer perspective in life.

It's been my lifelong fascination to travel and experience other cultures.

Oceans

Here is a video from the most recent concert I played (violin) last month with the Christian Symphony of El Salvador.

In other news, I got into the Youth Philharmonic Orchestra of El Salvador. I will be playing Haydyn's 100th Symphony, Beethoven's 5th and Bach's Air next month along with visiting Musicians from Spain.

God is good.

A Conversation

*In Class, while teaching the meaning of the word 'Apostate'*

Me: "So, my parents are not Christian but I am thankful that they let me choose my faith."

A student at the back: "What made you choose Christianity, Ms?" 

Me: "I once prayed to Buddha and he didn't answer my prayer." 

Another student: "Qué resentida, Ms." 

Student at the front: "You keep surprising me." 

A Letter

#foreversisters #eternalbond

An Encouragement

Some years ago, a brother wrote me this message that keeps encouraging me to write in my blog to this very day. 

(Circa November 2011)

Brother:
Hi Karen,

Hope you are well.

Just thought I'd let you know that in our writing session last Sunday, we read your poem/testimony and it touched many of the UK brothers and sisters, it inspired and helped them to write their own poem and personal letter to God as many felt the same way you did in your words. May He keep using you to encourage, glorify and lift up his name in many different way.

My Response:
lol where did you find it? which poem?

Brother:
It was from your blog - looking at yourself from the Lord's view. We've been doing writing and poem sessions for the last two weeks. A sister's poem was really good! Pure and straight from the heart - you can tell from what she wrote related to your poem the most.

All of me wants all of You

[The train of thoughts of the woman that touched the fringe of Jesus' robe]
Matthew 9:20-22

All of me wants all of You,
All of me craves and yearns
for You.

I have been unhappy for so long,
Broken, sick and beat by life's
blows-
Hammered, simmered and shattered
By my shame and sorrows.

I have been bleeding for so long.
Heal me, for I need Your gentle touch,
Your warmth and relentless love.

All of me yearns for You.

Seep, seep deeply into my every marrow and bone,
Fill me with Your eternal gladness and joy...
And make me whole.

[She touches Jesus' robe. Jesus turns around and says,  
“Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.”]

Conversations

Three childhood friends sit by the beach side and talk about relationships and life.

"You know, I am glad that things did not work out with my ex, because now I met this wonderful guy."
"Things always happen for a reason."
"He didn't treat me well, and I knew that he was not the one in the beginning. But I got carried away with my feelings. Thinking back, I was not in love with him. Rather, I was in love with the idea of being in a relationship."
"I think we all had a fair share of bad experiences..."
"And we need those bad experiences to know what we want and what we do not want out of a relationship."
"It's always a learning process..."

Hindsight

"Thinking back, the number one reason that has driven me to make pivotal decisions is my zest for life...my will to live and make sense of all things. Once I realized that I was trapped in a system of false beliefs and conducts, dead-end relationships...I bravely took a leap of faith and got out of those situations fast. And I have no regrets in doing so. I've learned to trust my gut instinct. I believe that there are greater things in life, and that all these things reflect the invisible and the eternal that God has prepared for us. I won't settle for anything less.

There are still so many things I want to do in life -travel more, learn more, make more meaningful connections, laugh more, cry more, contribute more and love more. And for that, I need to constantly get out of my comfort zone and challenge myself. I believe God created in me an insatiable spirit for adventure and newness in life. And to be caged in a state of ennui and the mundane is torture.

The secret of happiness is freedom,
The secret of freedom is courage."

Sarah Chang plays Sibelius Violin Concerto

#violingoals #rolemodel #beauty #talent #grace

This Sunday

This Sunday marks 1 year since I came back home. A LOT has happened this year, but I am thankful for all the experiences.

Here is a picture summary of a typical Sunday for me in El Salvador: Church during the mornings, working in the afternoon, Orchestra Practice and then hanging out with my cousins.

Sundays are my favourite days.

Top Moments of my Life

If my life was a movie, here would be the top moments that has significantly marked me:

Going through High School with my Besties- much laughter and deep conversations

My first mission trip in El Salvador that ignited a passion to go to all nations!

Graduating with these goofs. Good times.

Visiting my best friend in Winona. Learned all about Dorothy Day and Morality during that trip

Field School in Oaxaca, Mexico! Learned lots about Oaxacan Culture and teaching ESL

Seeing my good friend during a music tour in Virginia

Conversations with El Maestro about life, humanity and education. Super enriching.

Visiting the Johnsons at Winston Salem. Learned all about Moravian culture,  sugar cakes and Duck Dynasty!

Joining the Nahuat Collective. I discovered that I have a deep connection towards indigenous culture.

I pray that I may continue to encounter amazing people in my life. I live for those moments

Mysterium Tremendum

"According to Rudolph Otto, the reason is mysterium tremendum, that sense of tremendous mystery that surrounds our every thought of God, our every prayer to him. Beyond faith, trust, love, peace and joy, we sense an element of bewildering strength - a strength so great that it would be humanly impossible for us to create, invent or manufacture such experience. For one reason it may come sweeping like a gentle but relentless tide, saturating the mind and heart in a self-forgetting spirit of profound worship.

At other times, the force of mysterium tremendum may erupt like a volcano, surging from the depths of the soul in spasms and convulsions. It may lead to intoxicated frenzy such as that experienced by the sixteenth-century mystic Philip Neri, who would press his hands with all his might against the walls to forestall spiritual inebriation, levitation, or ecstasy. At still other times, the force of mysterium tremendum may become the hushed trembling and speechless humility of C.S Lewis, who was "surprised by joy." Whatever the nature of the experience, we stand in the presence of mystery inexpressible, above all creatures and beyond all telling.

It is the decisive inbreak of God into our personal history, the transforming moment when tenderness is no longer congruent with our perception of reality; the felt intimacy of a bygone faith is inappropriate to the present parameters of spiritual experience; "Abba," "beloved Father," "brother Jesus," and "gentle Spirit" have become dry words, vacant images that resonate no more in the inner sanctum of our heart. Those words and images have served their purpose as anthropomorphic pointers to the reality of Too-Much-Love that lies beyond, and tenderness is redefined as mercy.

When that moment of truth arrives we no longer have any resources to resist the imperious summons of mystery, no credentials of independence to flash. The moment of truth has arrived."


-----Brennan Manning
The Wisdom of Tenderness: What Happens when God's Fierce Mercy Transforms our Lives

Mission trip to Pachuchup

You are Enough

A lot of things has happened during my 20s that has taught me to become a stronger person.

There will be people who will treat you indifferently or take advantage of you or make you feel less, but one thing I've learned is that you do not have to take any of that crap. The best thing is to walk away from those toxic relationships and not look back.  

Remember: Toxic relationships drain your energy. Positive relationships energize you.

Stand up for yourself.
You are enough.
You do not have to jump hoops to gain people's approval
You deserve love and belonging like any other human being.

This is something I always teach my students - to value themselves and have self-respect. And I always try to defend those who are bullied/marginalized in class. It brings me so much healing when I love and teach my students this way. 

Conversations

"Enamorate...enamorate muchas veces, Karen. Vale la pena amar y perder.
Pero no te cases joven...los chicos de tu edad son unos mensos.
Aprende mejor a vivir tu vida. Aprende a amarte a ti misma."

---El Maestro durante unas de nuestras conversaciones en Huatulco, Oaxaca
Diciembre 2013.

Routine

It's been 9 months since I moved back home.

A lot has happened during these 9 months. I got my first full-time job as a teacher, I met someone and there has been spurts of growth in my professional and personal life. 

But at times, I miss traveling and the thrill of adventure. Back in Canada, my life was unpredictable  and somewhat nomadic. I would spend 3 months studying, 2 months traveling, 2 months home, etc etc. I loved the experience of adapting, learning and the sense of newness that traveling and moving brought me. Being home offers me stability, but at times, it feels boring. Stagnant almost.

I long to travel again.

Conversations

"Ms Chang, I want to quit the Symphony after my first day."
"Why?"
"I was humiliated and I played alongside the younger kids. I felt bad."
"Let me tell you my story: I stopped playing the violin for three years when I first joined the Symphony. I was rusty and inexperienced compared to others. Like you I felt bad, but I didn't give up. I practiced and even went on tour to Washington DC. Growth starts outside of your comfort zone."
"Mhmmm."
"Do you like challenges?"
"No."
"Do you want to become a mediocre violinist?"
"No."
"Then, don't give up."
"Thanks, Ms Chang. I will take up the challenge."

The One who governs Dreams

"The One who governs dreams, and gives
Us everything we need, and lives
On ev’ry inch of ground we tread,
Will be with you. You will be led;
And lest you feel alone, he spoke
These words, ‘My soul will not revoke
The promise I have made. Go now."

------John Piper in Esther

Dear M

Dear M,


I saw your father today. He came to the restaurant and ordered food. I barely recognized him...he looked much different since I last saw him in 2007, when he came to pick you up from German classes. His hair was grey, and he sighed for you.

I felt his pain.

We talked about you - about your wonderful way of living life, your smile, your accomplishments at such a young age. Even though we met briefly in life, you taught me so much with your joie de vivre attitude. The day I found out you passed away in a car accident, I cried on the bus.

I cried some more today after talking to your father. He reminded me so much of you.

The world misses you. God was gracious in creating a person like you.

Radically Transformed [and Amazed]

It's been a while since I last wrote in my blog. A lot of things have changed over the course of these past months.

My life has been deeply transformed by God's grace. He continues to [radically] amaze me with His love and blessing towards me. He has given me a full time job as a Secondary Teacher at a Christian School, a wonderful earthly beloved and beautiful friends. My understanding towards life and humanity has deepened as I experience an abundance of love from others.

Everyday, I hear God whisper to me: [[[You are so well-loved.]]]

No longer do I dwell in a legalistic Christian mind-set -on judging others or seeing the world as a place of right/wrong. Or wasting my energy complaining or worrying about my future. But rather, I have learned to embrace life and humanity as it is. I've learned to love freely and dearly towards those around me, specially my students. I feel more free, joyful and nourished by imitating and giving God's love towards others.