A note

[To the J family]

My life changed after the first day I met you. There was something about your genuine smile, your kindness and positive outlook in life that made a great impact in me.

Whenever I hit low...I remember you and I smile. People like you reminds me what is the meaning of true Christianity. Your compassion, candid warmth and understanding has inspired me to become a better person.

Thank you for always being there for me.

Thoughts to ponder

Never underestimate the power of prayer.

Sketches

I am producing batches of poetry during these bouts of melancholy.

[Inspired by Song of Solomon...."I was asleep, but my heart was awake."]

Logré verla...
Reposada sobre la roca
Serena y estrellada
Como la luna que no duerme,
Con una hermosura que no muere.

Logré soñarla...
Cantando a la luz del alba
Anhelando ver la faz de su Amado,
Llorando por el tiempo perdido,

Añorando para vivir de nuevo a Su lado. 

Despierta Sulamita, y ven. 

Logré alcanzarla...

Con mís reproches de celos, 

Corrí hasta conquistarla, 

y la consolé entre mis brazos.
"Alientate Sulamita, y vive."

Sketches

(Inspired by Pablo Neruda)

Te recuerdo como eras,
Ojos verdes con sabor a miel,
Piel de sueños y
tu habla hermosa.

Alma pura que destila
Una sinceridad que no duele,
Un amor que no apena,
Un recuerdo que no muere.

Fuistes, eres y serás
Una memoria que no desfallece.
Me das un sinfín de alegría y nostagia
En dias de amarga locura como estos.

Words from the Beloved

I woke up at 2:00am this morning,
and heard a soft voice echo through the chambers of my heart...

"I love you in spite of your weakness.
I will love you forever.
May you live in the truth always."

Sketches

Si es cuestion de confesar,
parece que la vida es un sinfín de ilusiones,
arraigada en la luz de la realidad.

¿Y qué si alcanzo mis sueños
Pero no Tu corazón?

Si pudiera salir de mi propia prisión,
Esta amarga oscuridad, este miedo de
Fracasar.
¿Cúal es el miedo de despegar,
Cuando tienes plumas para volar
Y sueños que realizar?

Aun si volare al extremo del alba,
Tu mano no me dejará.
Aun si descendiere a las profundidades del Sheol,
No me desampararás.

Selah.

Quiero contemplar Tu hermosura y
apreciar lo que nadie había descubierto antes de Tí,
Te quiero conocer y deleitarme en Tu felicidad.
Quiero entender lo que Tu tienes preparado para mi vida y eternidad,
Quiero triunfar contigo a mi lado.

[i carry your heart with me]

BY E. E. CUMMINGS

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Conversations

While running errands with the brother

"We all move on in life."
"Yeah."
"So do you still think about them?"
"I have honestly moved on. My mind has deliberately forgotten about all those events. The pain is gone."
"What's that verse again?"
"Ciertamente olvidando lo queda atrás, extendiéndome a lo que está delante..." (Filipenses 3:13)
We chuckle and smile. 

We often quote this verse in unison during our conversations.

I love my brother.

Monólogo

Nunca entendí porque pasan ciertas cosas.

Solo sé que Dios está en control.

Dios se encargará de mi vida. Debo de confiar en Él y Él hará.

No tengo miedo de fracasar. Siempre puedo levantarme y tratar de nuevo.

No me preocupo. No me voy a dar por vencida.

Nosotros debemos de tener fe y obedecer Su voluntad.

Él quiere que seamos felices. Hay que poner nuestro esfuerzo en buscar nuestra felicidad.

Estoy muy agradecida de tener una familia que me apoya.

Home

Meditations on a Thursday Evening

Life is too short to worry about what other people think about you.

Eternity is too long to live with regret.

Life is a fraction of eternity, yet it is the most decisive time period of our human destiny.

So what really matters in life?

I was thinking deeply upon human motives and actions. Motives can be driven by fear or passion. Sometimes we dare not to do or say things because we are afraid of what other people think about us. But does it really matter? So what if someone thinks lowly of you? What's so great about criticism?

And the people who are courageous to live out the truth and their dreams are the people who have transformed our world.

Think of Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Joan d'Arc - they defied their fears and their critics.

Truth and love will always triumph.

Live to what is true. Be honest to yourself.

Think, think deeply.

Un pensamiento

La vida Cristiana es alegre, sana, abundante y llena de gozo. No debería de ser pesado o llena de carga.

Si tu no estás feliz, examina tu camino. Encomienda tu camino a Dios y Él hará.

Dios quiere gracia y no legalismo. Una relación y no religión.

Tu fe es reflejado en tu vida.

Piensalo.

Conversations

[With a friend, at our usual coffee place]

"Why do we always want to be somewhere else that is not here?"

"We think that the grass is greener on the other side."

"I read from Horace that no one is quite happy with the life he has chosen or stumbled upon."

"But if you really think about it, life is okay here in Canada. You're safe. You have food, water and shelter. You should be happy."

"That's true."

"I realized that you can control your thoughts. Whenever you think you would be happier elsewhere, try to rephrase your thoughts. Think more positively."

Becoming

I was thinking about my life goals today. After coming back my trip to El Salvador and Honduras, I have been thinking a lot about the future. How do I envision myself in 3-5 years time?

-Responsible Educator
-Passionate Thinker
-Preacher
-Creative Writer

There are a lot of things going on. I got sick on Friday night...I haven't been so ill for such a long time. I guess all the work/study/travelling does wear one off! But I give thanks that God gave me precious brothers and sisters to take care of me. I feel better today, but I still need more rest.

Thank you for your prayers!

Para una verdadera amiga

Son personas como tú que hacen mi vida más feliz. Gracias por valorarme por quien soy. Gracias por estar tan pendiente de mi bienestar y felicidad. Eres un sol. Mi compañia en mis momentos de soledad. Mi alegría en esta ciudad tan fría.

Gracias, amiga por ser tan especial. Tu bondad me ha inspirado a ser una mejor persona. Contigo he logrado olvidarme del pasado y ser más fuerte.

Gracias por existir.

New

I have come to a point in life that I have fully come to realize what it is to

Be alive.

To breathe in and breathe out, and be completely content with life.

The past year has taught me lessons that I have never learnt before. Trials tend to push you to the brighter side of life.

I give thanks for all things.

Though my past may be plagued by negativity and sorrow, I promised myself to forget the past and march on. There are greater things ahead.

I promised myself to live and believe in the truth only.

And there is a moral dimension in believing in what is true. It brings joy to the soul, light to the mind and goodness to the heart.

For the new year I want to be closer to God and build more meaningful relationships with those around me. I plan to exercise more, eat healthier and take good care of myself. I want to learn more things, do more, give more and take more risks.

Basically, I want to live life to the fullest.

The Honduras that I never met

She held my hand and would not let go.

She led me downstairs to the main hall. We were sleeping over that night. The little girl, barely 3 years old, gave me a tour around the orphanage.

Situated in the lofty mountains of Reynel Funez, the orphanage serves as a home to 26 children aged 3 to 20. Many of these children were neglected and abandoned by their parents from a very young age. My heart was moved by compassion as I listened to their heart-breaking stories during our short visit.

"I lived in the cemetery. My parents would often bind me up and beat me up with chains."

She lifted up her shirt and showed us her scars.

Honduras is known for being the most violent country in the world. The country has been governed by corruption and political instability during this past decade. These problems, together with people's indifference has instilled an attitude of apathy towards these social problems.

There were scenes during my stay that stirred many feelings within me:

The teenage girl walking under the rain begging for money in the streets. 

The drunkard scavenging for food in the dumpster near the place we were staying. 

The silent pain and longing for love from the gaze of a child in the orphanage. 

There were moments of frustration as I saw this happening. I have seen poverty in El Salvador but to see such degree of poverty happening to our Honduran neighbours was quite overwhelming. And to see that the lack of education and opportunities trapped these youths into the poverty cycle was quite sad...to say the least.

I talked to Isaac and Olga, the home parents, during my last day in Honduras. I expressed my interest in opening a school in Central America with the purpose of preaching the gospel, and empowering students for change with quality education and good values. They said that there is a great need in Honduras. The educational system has been downgraded by the lack of resources and poor administration from the government. Teachers and students have been affected. Because teachers are not paid, there are no classes. And with no classes, there is no education. 

But I believe that there is hope. With God everything is possible. It was very encouraging to see that there are still good-hearted individuals like Isaac and Olga who are willing to sacrifice their life to offer a home to these girls. Their job is not easy, but they do everything out of love. They have inspired me to answer my calling. And if God has called me for His will, He will be responsible to the end.

We love because He first loved us (1John 4:19).

A kind of beauty I have never seen before

Yesterday I went to the Ancient Mayan Ruins (Ruinas de San Andres) with my best friend to celebrate Baktun. 

The celebration marked the end of the Mayan Calendar and welcomed the dawning of a new era. It was amazing to see people coming together to celebrate a culture that has been suppressed by the government for almost a century. And it is interesting to see how the Indigenous identity has been revitalized by activists and passionate individuals in the recent years. One of my cousins is working with bilingual schools that teach Spanish and Nahuatl to small indigenous communities.

This event made me appreciate a kind of beauty that I have never seen before. I've been much exposed to consumer culture all my life. And according to consumer culture, the definition of beauty and wealth is prescribed by the material things you own. However, I find that this construction of meaning rather artificial and fake. And I have also observed that Salvadoran culture in particular, tend to imitate the American hegemonic culture.

I have come to appreciate the natural beauty that surrounds us. I have come to appreciate the spirit of giving and family that unites us as a country. I have come to appreciate that we do not need much to make us happy. It is possible to be perfectly content with the little things we have.

Sometimes we have to lay aside our ethnocentric views to appreciate a kind of beauty that we may have never seen before.

Home and Family Revelations

According to the Mayan Calendar, it's the end of the world but I'm extremely happy. 

By extremely happy, I mean waking up in the morning and smiling to myself because I can enjoy the warm weather and the sweet company of my family.

Being home has made me deeply reflect on the things that God has given me. I cannot help but give thanks all the time.

Both of my parents are alive and healthy. They are able to support me in my studies. I have an extended  family and friends who love me and appreciate me (and vice versa). I have enough food, water and a cozy bed to rest at night.

It's the end of the world but I have never felt so content in my life. Hehehe.

Just a few days ago I visited my grand-aunt (my grandmother's sister) and my cousin at their home. She showed me my great-grandmother's picture and told me stories about her.

She was born in Mazatan, Mexico...a small agricultural town in Chiapas near the border of Guatemala. She met my great-grandfather (a Chinese merchant) and moved to El Salvador because he liked it there. After some time, they decided to move to China with their 10 children to settle. Sadly, my great-grandfather died of some pulmonary disease leaving 10 of their children fatherless. She made the difficult decision of going back to El Salvador taking only 2 children with her. She always planned to go back but due to the circumstances (World War 2, money), she had to stay in El Salvador.

The rest of the children were raised by my great-grand aunt (my great-grandfather's sister) who was a school principal. She opened a school during the Second World War! My dream is deeply related to my family.

Another interesting thing that I found out about my family is that we have Spanish and Jewish ancestry. According to some records, my ancestors were Jewish people who lived in Southern Spain (near Andalucia).

Therefore, I have a quite mixed heritage. And I am entitled to carry a Spanish last name (since Jewish people pass on their last names through their mothers).

It's so interesting to find out things about your family that you never knew before. Who knew that I have Jewish ancestors? Who knew that my great-grand aunt was a school principal? I am so proud of my family heritage. And I think that I will embrace my Spanish side more and more. 

Meditations on a Tuesday Afternoon

For years I was deceived and blind.
Yet beneath my timid exterior, rested a strong and beautiful spirit.

I was asleep in the dark but Your truth shone through.

I wandered, and You found me.
I hungered, and You fed me.
I was dirty, and You bathed me.
I was tired, and You gave me rest.
I was homeless, and You made a home in me.

You have been good to me, O Lord.

Let not my spirit depart from Thee.