I can only imagine [Planet K version]

I can only imagine
the day when I see Your face.
Years of friendship and love
unutterable by words,
will be expressed with ineffable joy.

On that day,
My toes will be hovering over the skies
while Your strong arms support me,
And You will whisper to my ear
That all along You were there for me,
I was and will always be in Your heart.

I will soon realize the beauty of this journey
and how my faith has brought me
finally Home.

It will be the day of gladness of our hearts.


Kandom note: this poem has been in my mind for weeks...
I finally wrote it down in my blog.

"Batter my heart, three person'd God"

BATTER my heart, three person'd God; for, you
As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow mee,'and bend
Your force, to breake, blowe, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt towne, to'another due,
Labour to'admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in mee, mee should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weake or untrue.
Yet dearely'I love you,'and would be loved faine,
But am betroth'd unto your enemie:
Divorce mee,'untie, or breake that knot againe;
Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I
Except you'enthrall mee, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish mee.

John Donne

Summer awesomness

Yay for Summer adventures!

I just booked my ticket to Toronto. I will be flying early June to visit 2 of my close friends. I'm super excited to hang out with them. I can't wait to see them.

Then, I will rush back to write my research paper and prepare for my English final (June 17th). I will then fly to Fiji (June 19th) and stay there for 2 whole months!!

And I also have other fun stuff to do in Vancouver such as BBQs, cookouts, cycling and hanging out at the beach. We use these activities to reach out to new friends. Plus, the weather is amazing.

Summer is the most wonderful time of the year!

Out of Egypt

Egypt = El Salvador (1st stage)
Wilderness = Vancouver (2nd stage)
Promised land = ?????? (3rd and final stage)

Out of Egypt
Across the great divide
I shake the dirt of my sandals
As I run into the wilderness
In search for the Promised land.

YHWH is my rock. Living waters flow into my heart.
He is the cloud of glory that shields me day and night.
Honey and milk flows from His river of delight.

Although this land is a desert.
I feel like I live in paradise.
I might walk in circles for years...
But YHWH is my Patient Guide.

Fullness of Joy

I'm done with my final exams! Praise the Lord :)

I'll be leaving tomorrow for a vacation trip in Hawaii with my mom.

Please pray for our safety, and that we may have an awesome mother-daughter bonding time.

Anyways...

May you enjoy the presence of the Lord, and live in the fullness of His joy everyday.

Rejoice always!

You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore (Psalm 16:11)

Metaphor and Imagery

Here is the first draft of a rather disjointed poem of mine.

A strong wind may shake a tree
but not blow it away.
Snowing petals cover the earth and sky,
Its sweet fragrance spreads at night.
New leaves are budded. Old ones are gone.
All the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Even during the trials of our lives,
Love and joy are found.
Let us all look on the bright side.

Yay

I just wrote 2 finals today. Yep...2 down and 2 more to go!

I walked out of the exam room with a big smile in my face for my first exam because I received an 84% in my research paper! After countless and countless of hours of research, and reading in the University's Rare and Special collection, it finally paid off!

This is indeed something worth celebrating. In the past, I used to get B and B- (that Latin American History essay HURT my feelings). I've also got As for small papers. BUT this is the very first A- for a big research paper.
Yay!

Okey doke. I need to continue studying for my next History final. The professor is pretty intense so I really need to study for it.

The Call

This song summarizes my feelings for the past 3 years



I'm suddenly feeling nostalgic today. All these memories have been flooding my mind like a tsunami...

But the Lord reminded me to live in the present, and in the fullness of His joy.

Ephesians 3:17-19

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,

May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;

And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.

Research

I'm chaining myself to a desk so that I can finish writing my Social History paper (3000 words!)

And we (my roommate and I) brought so much food into the library (pasta, sandwiches, snacks) for our survival. It looks like we are going to a picnic.

So far I have 889 words. Meh.

I promised myself to stay off blogger, facebook, youtube and wikipedia (I read their articles for fun...sad)

And look what I'm doing here...updating my blog. Hahaha

OK. I'm OFF.

God's Awesomness in the Earthquake

I recently received an email about a missionary who experienced the tremors of the Chilean earthquake. It's amazing how God gave her peace during such a turbulent time.

Please continue to pray for the people in Chile. May the Lord open their hearts for the gospel.

-------
Well, Saturday morning started with a real shake. I had worked until 8:15 pm on Friday then I went to eat with some friends. I got home around 10:30pm and hit the sack. I was exhausted. However, 3:24 in the morning I was shaken from my bed. I felt the shaking and for some reason realized that this was more than the tremors I had felt previously in Guatemala. I jumped out of bed and thought that I should get a robe on and some shoes. I grabbed my cell phone to see if it worked and of course the service was gone and then I went to stand in the door way between the bedrooms. Yes, they had sent out an article recently explaining that you are to lie down on the floor and wait but all that would go through my mind was what I had heard over and over, stand in the door jam. As I stood in the door jam on the 2nd floor of my 19 floor apartment building I felt the movement of the building and heard things falling and sliding. The thought went through my mind that if this was the real thing the other 19 floors would come donw on me but at the same time I felt the Lord there with me.

Then the shaking stopped and it was a feeling of "what now"!!. I decided it was time to get dressed so that I could get out of the building. I groped around in the dark as all of the electriciy, phones, and cell phones were out of commission. I remembered where my clothes were, it does pay to drop the on the floor sometimes and pick them up later, and my shoes. I headed to my front door. In the movement of the building the door was jammed. I couldn't get out.

I started seeing people leaving our building and gathering out front and in the distance I saw one of our ISC couples coming up the visitor parking lot to see if Jackie B, the other singel missionary in my building, and I were ok. He threw me a flashlight and told me to get the screwdriver and take the dead lock off. He came up the stair well and between the two of us he got the dead bolt of and I headed out the door with my purse. There is a sense of desperation when you can't get out of your front door and you wonder if there will be another tremor or if things may still fall.

We waited around 4 hours to go back into the building because of aftershocks and to make sure there was no gas leaks. Around 7:30 the logistic leaders of our mission came by to make sure we were all ok. Of course we all had to tell our story.

We headed back to my apartment around 7:30 to wait and see about water, electricity and TV. We wanted to get the news of what had happened. We knew it was big but never thought it was THAT big. We were just amazed that we had survived in these high rise aparments with the magnitude of the quake. Yes, they do follow the building codes down here.

Saturday I was able to get a hold of family, Guatemala missionaries and Guatemalan friends. We had to go to the office and use a line that was not connected to any cell phones, cable phones, or internet phones. Thank god for that phone. We headed back to my apartment Saturday night and the four of us, the couple from the apartment next door, Jackie B, and I stayed in my apartment. We felt better together since we didn't have lights and the building was still swaying. You feel it a lot more the higher up you are. The couple lives on the 9th floor and Jackie B lives on the 8th floor.

Was I scared, I really can't remember all that went through my mind. I knew it was really different than the tremors in Guatemala. I had seen the sites from Haiti. I don't want to do it again, but I felt a peace that I think God gives us when we are alone.

Sunday we got electricity back and I helped Jackie B clean up her apartment. It looked like a gang and gone through with a base ball bat. It was just amazing the things that broke and the things that were left.

Yesterday I got my tv and internet back, so I also have my internet phone. You can call me if you desire after I get home.

By the way we had another pretty good tremor today, Wednesday the 3rd. Mother earth is not finished shifting.

Thanks for your prayers. God's hand was upon me and all of the other missionaries.

Unusual instruments

I have a natural attraction towards any kind of instruments. Here is a list of unusual instruments that has recently caught my interest:

Musical Saw - Playing music from a saw? Seriously? You either hate it or love it.

Handbell - Never heard of one until I saw this video. Sounds beautiful.

Bowed guitar - Sounds like the cello. I might try it one day.

Olympic hype

I've been out all day.

As in 8:30 am to 12:00 am.

I worked from 9:30am to 2:00 pm. Then I hung out with my English classmates in Richmond, which was pretty cool. We had bubble tea, rode a ferris wheel and hung out in the olympic tents. So asian...lol

Okay. It's late and I just wanted to drop a quick update to remember this day :)

1 Corinthians 13 (Planet K version)

If I could speak all the languages of the world
and if I had all the money to give to the poor
but have not love...
It would mean nothing.

If I had all the knowledge and faith to move continents
and if I possessed the skills and talents to attract masses
But if I did not love You...
It would all be in vain.

If I was to be the best member in the church
and attended all the meetings
and spoke great things about Your name
But if I did not love my brethren
It would all go to waste.

Love suffers. Love forgives and forgets.
Love is unconditional. Sincere. From the heart.
Love is patient and kind. It does not provoke anger.
Does not envy. Does not think/do evil.
Love rejoices in all things. Bears all things with joy,
Hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.

Regocijaos!

You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD,
And a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken,"
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate";
But you will be called, "My delight is in her,"
And your land, "Married";
For the LORD delights in you,
And to Him your land will be married.
For as a young man marries a virgin,
So your sons will marry you;

And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
So your God will rejoice over you.

Isaiah 62:3-5

Alzando manos caidas

Alzando manos caidas,
cuando la situación no da esperanzas
cuando la desesperación entra al alma
e inunde el cuerpo y el pensamiento
y apaga la alabanza.

Pero la fe es un grano de mostaza
que lucha, crece y vence.
Con el amor de Cristo
Sí se puede!
No pierdas aliento.
No temas.
No dejes que el enemigo te robe
el gozo, el amor y la esperanza.
La noche es corta, se acerca el Día.
Alza tus manos caidas y confía nuevamente
En el Autor y Consumador de nuestra fe,
Cristo Jesús.
Amen.

I tend to write poems when I'm sad. Let's say that I've been very sad lately :(

Bendita la hora

Bendita la hora en que te conocí
Bendita la estación en me enamore de Tí
Bendito el segundo, el momento en que entregue a Tí.

Tantos años, pero Tu amor hacia mí sigue siendo
tan nuevo, tan fuerte, tan apasionado...
como aquel primer momento en que nuestras almas se unieron.

Te adoro Señor!
Tu eres mi ser, mi vida, mi todo.


---Inspired after breaking the bread and drinking the cup.
In loving memory of Your glorious death and resurrection.

Angel

This is so 2001.

My favourite song back when I was in 7th grade.

Good times :)

Season of the Hand

The following is an excerpt of a short story written by Julio Cortázar "Estación de la mano" which the narrator tells of a mysterious disembodied hand that visits him for a period of time.

Season of the Hand by Julio Cortázar

I gave her names: I liked to call her Dg, because it was a name that only allowed to be thought of. I incited her vanity by leaving bracelets and rings on the table, spying her attitude with utmost secrecy. Sometimes I thought she would adorn herself with the jewelry, but she meticulously studied them without touching, like a skeptic spider; and although she put on the amethyst ring for a short moment, she abandoned it as if it was an explosive. I hurried to hide the jewelry in her absence and ever since then, she appeared to be much happier.

And thus the seasons declined, some became slender and other weeks were shaded with violent lights, as her visits became our ambience. The hand came back every afternoon, soaked by the autumn rains, I saw her rest on the carpet as she tediously dried her fingers, sometimes with sporadic jumps of satisfaction. During the frigid sunsets her shadow was stained in violet. I lit up a brazier on my feet and she curled and kept still, except when she received with careless displeasure an album with engravings or a wool ball that she liked to twist and tie. I discovered she could not stay still for long. One day she found a trough with clay and she rushed to it. She spent countless of hours molding the clay while I, with my back turned pretended not to care.

Naturally, she modeled a hand. I let it dry and I put in on my desk to demonstrate my appreciation towards her work of art. It was a mistake: Dg was annoyed at the contemplation of her petrified self-portrait. When I hid it, she pretended out of modesty not to see it.

My interest soon turned to be analytical. Tired of surprises, I wanted to know the unfortunate end of all adventure. Questions about my guest came into my mind: Did she vegetate, feel, understand, love? I made experiments. I observed that the hand was capable of reading but never wrote. One afternoon I opened the window and I placed a pen on the desk, blank pages and when Dg came in, I walked away so I that I would not burden her timidity. Through the keyhole, I saw her habitual paces; but then, hesitantly, she went to the desk and picked up the pen. I heard the screech of the pen and after I was held in suspense, I entered the studio. In diagonal and outlined letters, Dg wrote: This resolution dissolves the previous ones until there is a new order. I could not make her write again.

2010!!

Happy 2010 everybody!!

2010 marks the beginning of a new decade. In this decade, I'll probably:
1) finish my university degree
2) start my professional career
3) do more for the Lord!!!!!!!!!!! :)

I can't believe that the 2000's is over. It was an awesome decade...because I believed in God and grew a lot spiritually. I'm so happy that God revelaed Himself to me in 2007 and I finally found direction in my life.

May the Lord greatly bless this coming year and bring a BIG harvest around the world. He is coming SOON.

Fruits of the spirit

I've been looking for this verse for a while and found it last night when I stayed up reading the Bible. I would like to share it with you:

But the fruit of the Spirit is
love,
joy,
peace,
longsuffering,
gentleness,
goodness,
faith,
Meekness,
temperance:
against such there is no law.
(Galatians 5:22-23)

Abuela

Noviembre 30. El viento ruge incesablemente, soplando las hojas muertas de piso. La noche es larga y oscura. Las estrellas duermen y la luna se ha escondido.

Camino hacía la parada del bus. El frío me llega hasta los huesos y lucho contra el viento. Mi corazón palpita fuertemente al pensar que tú...ya no estas aquí. Mi padre me acaba de llamar, y me dijo que nos dejastes hace unos días.

Estoy sentada en el bus y los recuerdos inunden mi pensamiento. Me acuerdo aquella vez que me ensenastes a perginar, o aquella vez que me comprastes paletas en un dia de verano. Aquella vez en 2006 que me contabas sobre tu pasado, entre lagrimas y risas. Solo me dejaron verte un dia, y recuerdo tan bien ese ultimo día contigo. Leímos la Biblia y platicamos toda la tarde. Te hablé sobre el amor del Padre y tu rezastes el rosario.

Tres años despues y ya no te pude ver.

Y despues me doy cuenta, que la vida es fugaz. La muerte nos arrebata en un instante y nuestra existencia cesa de ser. La muerte es dura y cruel porque nos separa de nuestros seres queridos y de todo lo que hemos sido y amado en este mundo entero.

Me duele preguntar. ¿Donde estás abuelita? Yo sé que eras Católica pero no sé si aceptastes la salvación de Cristo. Quiero saber si estás en las manos de Dios ó lejos de Él.

No quiero estar aquí. Quiero estar en los brazos de mi madre y llorar al lado de ella. Necesito consuelo y hacer memoria de ti. Quiero guardar en mi mente, todas las tardes calurosas en Xiao Xing donde estuve a tu lado y de mi amada familia. Fueron cinco veces en que te vi y cinco veranos inolvidables a tu lado. Duele saber que la proxima vez que vaya, tu ya no estarás ahí.

Estoy orando por tí y mi familia. Te amo.

Luz Amable Palacios Chong

My grandmother recently passed away. My mother flew back to China to see her one last time...but couldn't make it due to visa problems. Please pray for her and her family and may God comfort their hearts.

I share so many precious memories with my dear boh boh. The first time I saw her was in 1993...I was 4 years old and all I remember was sitting by her side and listening to her stories. She was a strong women. Her mother (my great grandmother) left her when she was young with her siblings. She grew up in an orphanage and endured many things such as WW2 (Japanese invasion) and the Cultural Revolution.

My grandma, even though she was Catholic, was the first one to talk to me about God...she taught me how to do persinar..."in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen." It was the first time that I heard about the trinity God. Even though I converted to Christianity, I give thanks to her for introducing me to God.

The following is a short biography of my grandmother written by my brother. My apologies to all English Speakers but this is written in Spanish.

1 de Diciembre 2009.

婆婆…fue la primera palabra que me ensenaron para introducirme a esta persona tan querida, que aunque estábamos distante en espacio se sentía siempre…ese amor de familia y ese calor que muchas veces solo una abuela puede llegar a dar.

Recuerdo que la primera vez que ví a 婆婆 fue en el año 1993, en mi primer viaje a China. Nunca me la habían presentado personalmente porque cuando yo nací ella ya se habido ido de El Salvador para China. No me recuerdo si la había visto en foto antes de conocerla, pero si me causaba mucha emoción de conocer a mi abuelita y abuelito en aquel entonces.

Llegamos en barco de Hong Kong a la ciudad donde ella vivía con mi abuelito, la ciudad de Xiao Xing. Subir esas escaleras con las antiguas maletas pesadas a su apartamento que si mal no recuerdo era de color naranja gris. Ya al llegar a la puerta…si esa primera vez en que los vi a ellos dos, fue el inicio de cinco visitas, Pocas pero cada una llena de recuerdos y enseñanzas sabias que solo una abuela puede llegar a ensenar.

El saludarlos y verlos por primera vez era algo más que emocionante ya que eran mis abuelos, esas dos personas que siempre mencionaban pero nunca los había visto, y que si ellos no existiesen…yo tampoco lo haría.

Era medio día y ya tenían hasta el almuerzo esperando en la mesa para nosotros. Habían preparado entre los tantos platos huevo revuelto con carne, lo que más me ha gustado desde pequeño, era como que ya sabían que era lo le gustaba a cada uno, cosas que solo los abuelos hacen.

En esa primera visita pasamos un mes con mis abuelos. Esa fue la vez que pase más con ellos y fue tal vez donde más conocí a mi abuela aun siendo pequeño. Era una persona que le gustaba mucho tener las cosas en orden y que todos nos portáramos bien y que no causáramos problemas. Nos repetía una y otra vez aunque nos aburriera que debíamos estudiar para ser personas grandes en el futuro, y más bien ahora se lo agradezco que me lo haya dicho y me gustaría que en este mismo momento me lo repitiera. Nos enseno a respetar a nuestros padres, que apreciáramos lo que ellos eran y que los ayudáramos cuando pudieran ya que ellos se ganan la vida con sudor y esfuerzo día a día. Nos contaba lo difícil que era la vida antes en China para ellos, para mis papas y para mis tíos. Ella quería que eso nos sirviera para ver que tan privilegiada era nuestra generación de tener las comodidades que tenemos hoy. Sabidurías sabias que solo se las puede trasmitir una persona de esa grandeza y con un largo recorrido en el camino de la vida.

Mi abuela tiene una historia interesante, era hija de once hermanos, su mama (mi bisabuela) era mexicana y su padre (mi bisabuelo) era un chino que emigro a México. Sin embargo, en ese entonces los chinos fueron expulsados de México por razones políticas y ellos se trasladaron a El Salvador, lugar donde he nacido yo y donde mi familia ha llamado casa.

Su estadía y niñez en El Salvador fue corta, ya que por decisión de mi bisabuelo decidió regresar a China para hacer una vida ahí. Mi bisabuelo había hecho algo de dinero que lo usaría para construir una casa en su pueblo natal jiujiang para que todos sus hijos crecieran conociendo de donde eran y quienes eran. Lo irónico fue que mi abuela termino aprendiendo a hablar Chino de por vida y se le olvido casi en su totalidad su lengua materna el español. Eso si, nunca perdió el buen gusto por la buena música en español y su cantante favorito era Julio Iglesias, era evidente que conocía que era la buena música.

Ya una vez establecidos en China por mala fortuna la prosperidad no les duro mucho a ellos. Mi bisabuelo falleció repentinamente y al mismo tiempo China estaba siendo invadida por Japon. Viendo la situación mi bisabuela solo podía llevarse de vuelta a El Salvador a 5 o 6 de los 11 hijos que había llevado a China. Mi abuela termino quedándose en un orfanatorio con sus otros hermanos y hermanas en China.

En mi quinta visita cuando fui solo por primera vez a China, ella me conto en detalle todo los momentos duro que tuvo que pasar durante esa época. Me conto entre lagrimas que durante esos días de niñez nunca probo una galleta, o que no había ni pasta de dental para cepillarse los dientes. Tuvo que trabajar y cuidar a los hermanos pequeños y ganarse la vida a como fuera para sobrevivir en tiempos tan difíciles. De ahí me enseno a ser ahorrador a apreciar lo que tenemos hoy y no desperdiciarlo, claro no solo lo predicaba sino que también lo cumplía. En cada visita me acuerdo que ella tenía todos los tubos de pasta dental planos, le sacaba hasta lo último. Irónicamente una semana antes que falleciera me acorde de ella y use un tubo de pasta dental y lo aplane hasta no dar más, al extremo que termine cortando la cola del tubo para sacar lo último que quedaba.

También fue en ese entonces donde se aferro más a Dios y confío todo en El. Es por eso que cada vez que la veía o la llamaba por teléfono me recordaba “siempre pidele a Jesus que te proteja y te ayude en tus estudios” Ademas de eso, tambien guardo bien claro la primera vez que me enseno a persignarme con el famoso “Del padre del hijo del espíritu santo amen” Aunque yo termine convirtiéndome en Cristiano y no me persigno mas, ese recuerdo siempre lo guardare. Espero que ante todo ella haya encontrado el verdadero amor y la salvación en Jesus.

Afortunadamente mi abuela encontró entre tanta dificultad un hombre que la amo y que ella lo amo hasta al final y ese es mi abuelito. Con el procreo tres hijas y tres hijos, siendo mi mama la menor. Ya que mi abuelo se caso con mi abuela que era mitad mexicana terminaron todos los del pueblo apodándolo el occidental fok (fan kui fok)

Juntos los dos pasaron por otra época difícil, el reinado comunista en China. Tuvieron que enfrentarse al hambre, al racionamiento, a los prejuicios y maltrato de los comunistas ya que ellos fueron estigmatizados como capitalistas y aun así lograron sacar a adelante a sus seis hijos. Mi abuela era una luchadora que nunca se rindió.

Tantos años estuvo en China que la vida le presento la oportunidad de regresar a la tierra que la vio nacer, El Salvador. Fue así donde empaco sus maletas y consigo se llevo a tres de sus hijos, mi tio menyi, mi tia soy heng y mi mama. Arribo a El Salvador y se reencontró con su mama y todos los hermanos que dejo de ver por más de 40 años.

Cuenta que durante esta visita a El Salvador ella logro recordar muy poquito de español que ella aprendió durante su niñez. Entre risas nos contaba como aprendió a decir los famosos “cheles” de los ojo.

Su estadia en El Salvador fue corta y regreso a China para estar de vuelta con mi abuelo. Sin embargo, si no hubiera sido por esa visita, ni yo ni mi hermana hubiéramos nacido en El Salvador y mis padres no harían una vida tan prospera en este pequeño gran país.
Debido a esto, la única manera para yo podía verla era solo viajar en avión para China. De cada visita guardo todas sus enseñanzas y todos los recuerdos con ella. Guardare en mi, las reganadas que nos daba cuando no ayudábamos a lavar los platos, el día que ella me enseno a doblar ordenadamente un pantalón para reflejar orden en mi persona, escucharla hablar de su niñez y las historias de su vida, comer sorbete en las tarde con ella (le encantaba el sorbete hasta llenaba la refrigeradora de eso), comer en la mesa con ella y el abuelo, la vez que nos hizo caminar alrededor de la casa para que se nos bajara la comida, que ella se preocupara de mi seguridad en un viaje que hice de xiao xing a caucon solo, escucharla poner a Julio Iglesia en la casetera, que me diera besote en el cachete y lo mas importante recordar que ella simplemente era la abuela que siempre se preocupo y me amo.

Que en paz descanses 婆婆 y que estés con Dios eternamente.

Tu querido nieto Miguel.

The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is out to Get Us!

'

My favourite song of Sufjan Stevens. I want to marry him.

I dreamt of a family two times yesterday. Does that mean that I miss them??

Dear World

Today is the day that the Lord has made.
We shall rejoice and be glad in it.

Isaiah 49:14-16

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, 

and have no compassion on the son of her womb?  

Even these may forget, 

but I will not forget you.  

Behold I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; 

your walls are continually before Me."

Many times, this verse has comforted my heart. The Lord thinks of me day and night...more than a mother thinks of her child. He has inscribed my name forever in His palm and He take cares of my whole life. I have no need to worry, even though life brings its problems.

As I get older, life gets more complicated. Distance and separation from my family and loved ones makes things difficult. I still have a heart of a child. I want the warmth and comfort of my family. The coldness and loneliness sometimes seems unbearable in Vancouver but I need to keep reminding myself: The Lord is with me. We walks with me in this life journey and we face everything together.

Everything I do is for Him. He deeply appreciates my decisions and actions. He loves me very dearly and has the best prepared for me. All I have to do is wait, labour and bear fruits for Him. I want my faith to be stronger so that I can yield more for Him. 

Oh Lord, I love You. I bear all things for You.

Song of Solomon 5

I slept but my heart was awake.

Listen! My lover is knocking:
"Open to me,
my sister,
my darling,
my dove,
my flawless one.

My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.

"I have taken off my robe—
must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?

My Lover thrust His hand through the latch-opening;
my heart began to pound for Him.
I arose to open for my lover, and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh, on the handles of the lock.

I opened for my Lover,
but my Lover had left;
He was gone.

My heart sank at his departure.
I looked for Him but did not find Him.

I called Him but He did not answer...

[open the door to Him...He's been waiting for so long]

South of the Border

Pupusa night

El Salvador is a land of:

• Precious things
  
• Beautiful rain
  
• Big Insects
• Delicious food (pupusas)
• and awesome Friends :)

Tonight we went out for pupusas with my high school classmates. After almost 2 years of graduation, nothing much has changed. I really enjoyed hanging out with them.

Dr. Zhivago

"The whole human way of life has been destroyed and ruined. All that's left is the bare, shivering human soul, stripped to the last shred, the naked force of the human psyche for which nothing has changed because it was always cold and shivering and reaching out to its nearest neighbour, as cold and lonely as itself.

You and I are like the first two people on earth who at the beginning of the world had nothing to cover themselves -at the end of it, you and I are just as stripped and homeless. And you and I are the last remembrance of all that immeasurable greatness which has been created in the world in all the thousands of years between their time and ours, and it is in memory of all that vanished splendour that we live and love and weep and cling to one another"

Pasternak is a genius. He captures the essence of human life and love.

Russian poetry

The garden scatters burnt-up beetles
Like brazen ash, from braziers burst.
I witness, by my lighted candle,
A newly blossomed universe.

And like a not yet known religion
I enter this unheard of night,
In which the shabbily-grey poplar
Has curtained off the lunar light.

The pond is a presented secret.
Oh, whispers of the appletree!
The garden hangs-a pile construction,
And holds the sky in front of me.

Boris Pasternak

Russian lit

All right. Just forget for a minute that you have spectacles on your nose and autumn in your heart. Stop being tough at your desk and stammering with timidity in the presence of people. Imagine for one second that you raise hell in public places and stammer on paper. You're tiger, a lion, a cat.

-How it was done in Odessa.
Isaac Babel

Tango por una cabeza

I want to play like this one day.

the food of Love

If music be the food of love, play on;
Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.
That strain again! it had a dying fall:
O, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound,
That breathes upon a bank of violets,
Stealing and giving odour! Enough; no more:
'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.
O spirit of love! how quick and fresh art thou,
That, notwithstanding thy capacity
Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
Of what validity and pitch soe'er,
But falls into abatement and low price,
Even in a minute: so full of shapes is fancy
That it alone is high fantastical.
.............
Twelfth Night

William Shakespeare

The Wasteland

'My nerves are bad to-night. Yes, bad. Stay with me.
'Speak to me. Why do you never speak? Speak.
'What are you thinking of? What thinking? What?
'I never know what you are thinking. Think.'

---T.S Elliot

Read the entire poem if you have time.

The race of Faith

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus,
The author and finisher of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

(Hebrews 12:1-2)

La Vita Nuova

At that moment I say truly that the vital spirit, that which lives in the most secret chamber of the heart began to tremble so violently that I felt it fiercely in the least pulsation, and, trembling, it uttered these words: ‘Ecce deus fortior me, qui veniens dominabitur michi: 

Behold a god more powerful than I, who, coming, will rule over me.’ At that moment the animal spirit, that which lives in the high chamber to which all the spirits of the senses carry their perceptions, began to wonder deeply at it, and, speaking especially to the spirit of sight, spoke these words: ‘Apparuit iam beatitudo vestra: Now your blessedness appears.’ At that moment the natural spirit, that which lives in the part where our food is delivered, began to weep, and weeping said these words: ‘Heu miser, quia frequenter impeditus ero deinceps!: Oh misery, since I will often be troubled from now on!’

-Dante

I love how he captures the feeling of love.

Psalms 4: 7-8

You have put gladness in my heart,
More than when their grain and new wine abound.
In peace I will both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, O LORD, make me to dwell in safety.

Fruit

Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
(John 15:4)

Un Rancho y Un Lucero

Un día ?¡primero Dios!?
has de quererme un poquito.
Yo levantaré el ranchito
en que vivamos los dos.

¿Que más pedir? Con tu amor,
mi rancho, un árbol, un perro,
y enfrente el cielo y el cerro
y el cafetalito en flor...

Y entre aroma de saúcos,
un zenzontle que cantará
y una poza que copiará
pajaritos y bejucos.

Lo que los pobres queremos,
lo que los pobres amamos,
eso que tanto adoramos
porque es lo que no tenemos...

Con sólo eso, vida mía;
con sólo eso:
con mi verso, con tu beso,
lo demás nos sobraría...

Porque no hay nada mejor
que un monte, un rancho, un lucero,
cuando se tiene un "Te quiero"
y huele a sendas en flor...

Alfredo Espino
Poeta Salvadoreño

Oda II

(Inspired by Horace and Eclesiastes)

¿De que se sacia los deseos del Corazón?
Con nada debajo del sol.
He aqui, he buscado la alegría en las riquezas,
las amistades, el amor terrenal....
pero encontre afán, dolor y miseria.

Mi alma hambrienta, inquiria:

¿Qué es la vida?
Fugaz.

Una pequeña fracción de lo que es eterno.
Un misterio, un significado escondido
en la eternidades que puso Dios
dentro de nuestro corazones.

(to be continued when I find more answers....)

random question

Is it practise or practice?

end of term

I finished classes yesterday.

The winter term is ridiculously short: 4 months.

That means, if I am not taking Summer School, I don't study for another 4 months.

I don't have to take Summer because the timetables are crazy (7pm-10pm??) and I have enough credits to get me through.

I rather go to a missionary trips or find a job.

Zephaniah 3:15-17

Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!
The LORD has taken away your punishment,
He has turned back your enemy.
The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

1Corinthians 13:13

Love, faith and hope are the only things that keeps me running this race and fighting this battle.

I am so thankful I have the Lord.

It is well with my soul.

La vida es Sueño

¿Qué es la vida? Un frenesí.
¿Qué es la vida? Una ilusión,
una sombra, una ficción,
y el mayor bien es pequeño:
que toda la vida es sueño,
y los sueños, sueños son.

La vida es Sueño
(Pedro Calderon de la Barca)

π

Happy π day!

Faith.

No one shall be forgotten who was great in this world; but everyone was great in his own way, and everyone in proportion to the greatness of what he loved. For he who loved himself became great in himself, and he who loved others became great through his devotion, but he who loved God became greater than all.

One became great through expecting the possible, another by expecting the eternal; but he who expected the impossible became greater than all.

There was one who was great in his strength, and one who was great in his wisdom, and one who was great in hope, and one who was great in love; but greater than all was Abraham,

great is that power whose strength is powerlessness,

great is that wisdom whose secret is folly,

great is that hope whose outward form is insanity,

great is that love which is hatred of self.

---Fear and Trembling

Soren Kierkegaard

Cantico

Despierta, alma mía, despierta
que larga es la noche soñolienta.
Fugaz es el tiempo
Si tarda la obra.

Ven de mañana a
saborear delicias,
trabajar tu viña.
Gozar de Mi amor.

Ven, amada ven.
No suspires con lo de ayer.
La noche es corta.
El alba se aproxima.

(written after taking a shower)

Coplas por la muerte de su padre

Nuestras vidas son los ríos
que van a dar en la mar,
que es el morir;
allí van los señoríos
derechos a se acabar
y consumir;
allí los ríos caudales,
allí los otros medianos
y más chicos,
y llegados, son iguales.

-Jorge Manrique (Siglo XIV)

Psalms 102:1-2

Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee.

Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.

-------

Who said this would be easy? I find myself struggling in this spiritual battle everyday. But I overcome all my weaknesses with the Lord. His victory is also my victory.

I will strive for Him till the end!

Colossians 1:12-17

Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:

Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son:

In whom we have redemption through His blood, even the forgiveness of sins:

Who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature:

For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.

Apropos of the Wet Snow

Dreams came to me with a particular sweetness and intensity after a little debauch, they came with repentance and tears, with curses and raptures. There were moments of such positive ecstasy, such happiness, that not even the slightest mockery could be felt in me, by God. There was faith, hope, love.

This was the point, that I blindly believed then that through some miracle, some external circumstance, all this would suddenly extend, expand; suddenly a horizon of appropriate activity would present itself, beneficient, beautiful, and above all, quite ready-made (precisely what, I never knew, but above all -quite ready made,) and thus I would suddenly step forth under God's heaven all but on a whine horse and wreathed in laurels.

-Notes from Underground
Fyodor Dostoevsky

Proverbs 8:30

Then I was by Him,
as one brought up with Him:
and I was daily His delight,
rejoicing always before Him.

Either/or

Do not interrupt the flight of your soul; do not distress what is best in you; do not enfeeble your spirit with half wishes and half thoughts.

Ask yourself and keep on asking until you find the answer, for one may have known something many times, acknowledged it; one may have willed something many times, attempted it” and yet, only the deep inner motion, only the heart's indescribable emotion, only that will convince you that what you have acknowledged belongs to you, that no power can take it from you” for only the truth that builds up is truth for you.

-Soren Kierkegaard.

(2 Corinthians 3:18)

But we all, with unveiled face,
beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into
the same image
from glory to glory,
just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Eclesiastes 3:15

Aquello que fue, ya es;
y lo que ha de ser, fue ya;
y Dios restaura lo que pasó.

Salmos 63:8

Está mi alma apegada a Ti; Tu diestra me ha sostenido.

Daddy's advice of the day

(spoken in Jiujiang dialect)

Daughter, don't be afraid of taking challenges.
Don't mind suffering.
Everything will pay off at the end.

Poems

I was going through my old IB files (heck, I was bored) and I found some poems, written by me...that were ahem, actually good.

I haven't written poems for a long time. Maybe because I am not that sentimental anymore or just too lazy. Before, I would write and write, play with words, structure and sounds. I would write poems to my friends to encourage them.

I should retake this. I miss the old 'poetic' me.

Here is one of my spanish poems. This was written while we were studying Pablo Neruda. It's not one of my best, but I like it:

Vi volar tus sueños con la brisa del mar.
Infinita, como las estrellas, es la hermosura de tu paladar
En la llanura de tu cuerpo, azota y da aliento el viento del verano.
Navega mi alma en tu mar de dulzura
Tempestad, majestad, eternidad en tres besos.
Oye, el zumbido del viento que traspasa nuestros corazones,
como una melodía en el silencio…

Psalms 63:3

Because
Thy lovingkindness is better than life,
my lips shall praise Thee.

Family

I decided to publish this sort of "anecdote" or whatever it is...written by my brother Miguel after my visit to Costa Rica.

My apologies to all English speakers. This is only available in Spanish.

My brother should update his old blog or open a new one.

-----
Aca te mando un detalle para q no te resintas de mis explosiones masivas en el trafico imposible de San Jose. Jajajajajjaa

Había una vez leí esta frase de un autor anónimo “uno nunca sabe que tan especial y preciado es algo hasta que ya no esta presente” Esta pequeña frase estuvo girando en mi cabeza durante unas dos horas después de despedirme de una visita que mi madre y hermana realizaron. La visita fue todo un fracaso en el aspecto turístico, sin embargo el estar con la familia y queridos fue todo un éxito.

Aunque no pudimos ver las imponentes cataratas que fluían en la región del Poas y no poder pescar una trucha saltante con nuestras propias manos, pudimos entender que es en verdad tener una familia. El ver a mi mama limpiar y cuidar con detalle y esmero mi apartamento, fue todo un símbolo de amor que ella tiene hacia mi. El ver a mi hermana traer desde las congeladas tierras de Canada deliciosos truffles y un exquisito Salmon de maple me hizo ver que en este mundo uno nunca esta ni solo ni sin que nadie lo ame.

Cada día que despierto anhelo poder vivir lo que viví estos tres días. Tener a mi mama prepararme un apetitoso desayuno y una hermana en el cual uno pelea por usar el baño, la televisión o computadora es un sentimiento que uno nunca aprecia hasta que no lo tiene presente todos los días. Uno no tiene que esperar hasta el día de cumpleaños o el show marketing de día de las madres y el padre para hacerlos sentir especial. Debería ser cada día que debemos hacer sentir a estas personas especiales.

La palabra “especial” hoy en día tiene muy poco significado. A nadie le importa como se sienten la gente que los rodean y menos de hacerlos sentir “especial”. Especial solo aparece en los combos de hamburguesas del Mac Donalds o Burger King, o en los anuncios de oferta que ofrece taca cada temporada baja. Claramente el mundo cambiaria si un día todos los humanos detuviéran todas sus rutinas diarias y se pusieran a pensar porque estan en este mundo y quienes los rodean.

Más jóvenes atestados de alcohol en sus hígados y perdidos en las discotecas entenderían porque a media noche tienen a su madre esperando en el comedor con una cena fría. O tal vez mas gente le podrían menos importancias a sus amistades mundanas y fijarse en el regalo que sus hermanitas les preparo con esmero en el Kinder. Estas personas entenderían que vivir es para amar y para amar hay que entender quienes nos rodea y que tantos nos aman.

En el nombre de Jesús Cristo oro que todos en este mundo entiendan que es el amor familiar el cual emana de El.

John Steinbeck

I read this passage last night and it completely blew my mind.

My question about Free Will were answered.

------
From John Steinbeck’s East of Eden (Penguin, 1992, pages 301–303):

[Lee said,] “The King James version [of the Bible] says this — it is when Jehovah has asked Cain why he is angry. Jehovah says, ‘If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.’ It was the ‘thou shalt’ that struck me, because it was a promise that Cain would conquer sin.”

Samuel nodded. “And his children didn’t do it entirely,” he said.

Lee sipped his coffee. “Then I got a copy of the American Standard Bible. It was very new then. And it was different in this passage. It says, ‘Do thou rule over him.’ Now this is very different. This is not a promise, it is an order. And I began to stew about it. I wondered what the original word of the original writer had been that these very different translations could be made ...

“My [elders] felt that these words were very important too — ‘Thou shalt’ and ‘Do thou.’ And this was the gold from our mining: ‘Thou mayest.’ ‘Thou mayest rule over sin.’ ...

“The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in ‘Thou shalt,’ meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel — ‘Thou mayest’ — that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’ — it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.’ ...
“Now, there are millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, ‘Do thou,’ and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ‘Thou shalt.’ Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But ‘Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win.”

A Dream within a Dream

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

---Edgar Allan Poe

Never has a poem made me cry so much. It's so beautiful.

I should stop being so sentimental these days!

To the Fountain Of the Palace Of the Bakchisarai

And only dreamed imagination
Had drowned in the empty dark
Its flitting visions' pale reflections,
The soul fancy's easy mark?

---Alexander Pushkin

Juan 17: 20-21

Mas no ruego solamente por éstos, sino también por los que han de creer en Mí por la palabra de ellos, para que todos sean uno; como Tú, oh Padre, en Mí, y Yo en Ti, que también ellos sean uno en Nosotros; para que el mundo crea que Tú me enviaste.

NO MORE IB!!

English A1 Higher Paper 1
English A1 Higher Paper 2
Math Standard Paper 1
Math Standard Paper 2
History Standard Paper 1
History Standard Paper 2
History Higher Paper 3
Biology Standard Paper 1
Biology Standard Paper 2
Biology Standard Paper 3
Psychology Standard Paper 1
Psychology Higher Paper 2
Psychology Higher Paper 3
Spanish A2 Standard Paper 1
Spanish A2 Standard Paper 2

I'M DONE!!!

This is the piece of music that played inside my head when I exited the exam room.

East of Eden

And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction its wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion or government which limits or destroys the individual. This is what I am and what I am about. I can understand why a system built on a pattern must try to destroy the free mind, for that is one thing which can by inspection destroy such a system. Surely I can understand this, and I had it and I will fight against it to preserve the one thing that separates us from the uncreative beasts. If the glory can be killed, we are lost.

---John Steinbeck

Faith! again!

Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not...ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast
into the sea; it shall be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matthew:21:21-22)

------
Are You, O Lord, trying to tell me something?

I already know the answers. I just needed this extra oomph today, to stop doubting and make real my decisions.

I love suprises! Please, do give me one!

:) :) :)

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the Holy is understanding (Proverbs 9:10)

Pop! goes my heart

Description: Hugh Grant in an 80's music video.

La Dolce Vita

Abide with me

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

---
I am the Vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in Me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without Me ye can do nothing. (John 15:5)

Holy Poopy!

G.K Chesterton reads my mind.

"An imbecile habit has arisen in modern controversy of saying that such and such creed can be held in one age but cannot held in another. Some dogma, we are told, was credible in the twelfth century, but it is not credible in the twentieth. You might as well say that a certain philosophy can be believed on Mondays but cannot be believed on Tuesdays..."

"The real trouble with this world of ours is not that it is an unreasonable world, nor even that it is a reasonable one. The commonest kind of trouble is that it is nearly reasonable, but not quite. Life is not an illogicality; yet it is a trap for logicians. It looks just a little more mathematical and regular than it is; its exactitude is obvious, but its inexactitude is hidden; its wildness lies in wait."

"Of all horrible religions the most horrible is the worship of the god within."

"The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums."

---Orthodoxy

By far, one of the best books about Christian theology I've ever read...kudos and many kudos to my dear ol' Chesty.

ponderings

For we are but of yesterday, and know nothing, because our days upon earth are a shadow (Job 8:9)

The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: because the spirit of the LORD bloweth upon it: surely the people is grass. (Isaiah: 40:7)

------
I have often meditated about the fact that how short and limited is our lifespan. That we occupy a small portion of the history of mankind.

Our lives here on earth is a tiny fraction of eternity.

So, let's give our best shot. Waste no time in doubting or regretting. And live our life to the fullest to glorify Him.

Nineteen days.

19 more days for school to end.

Part of me says that I have so gotten over highschool a long time ago.

And part of me says that I will miss it like crazy because I will no longer see my classmates every day.

Maybe because I grew up with these people, I have shared the last 15 years of my life with them.

I am having mixed feeling about it.



People that I love...:)

Olivooo and me messing with the camera. GOD, I'M SO GONNA MISS HIM!!!!!!

With Olivo and Katy! I'm so glad I had a chance to grow close with Katy.

with Yani, Oli and Luli!

Us girls messing around in lunch. Hehehehe.

Kandom convo of da moment:

Andrew says:
what ifs are dumb questions
Andrew says:
what if the sun dies out? what if your bladder explodes? what if you're never ever able to have ice cream again, because you become allergic?
Andrew says:
what if the sun never dies out? what if your bladder is always healthy, and you never feel a surprising urge to pee again? what if you acquire a condition where you can eat all the ice cream you want and it becomes healthy?

Free

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure;
Save from wrath and make me pure.

-Augustus Toplady
---
I am renewed!
His mighty right hand restoreth my soul!
And took away that stupid clump of lead
And made me new and pure!

Kandom tip of da day: Prayer = rapid recuperation in Christ. Try it!!!

:(

Guilt is like a clump of lead,
that poisons a pure heart
and clogs the circulation of the soul.

worship

The LORD openeth the eyes of the blind:
the LORD raiseth them that are bowed down:
the LORD loveth the righteous:
The LORD preserveth the strangers;
He relieveth the fatherless and widow:

But the way of the wicked He turneth upside down.
The LORD shall reign for ever, even thy God,
O Zion, unto all generations. Praise ye the LORD.

(Psalms 146:8-10)

----

The Lord brings out the best of our weakness. He loves us to be humble. He loves to change the bad things into good, useful things for Him. So great is His glory!

Favourite Psalms

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me. If I say,
“Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalms 139