Missing Madagascar

Hi Folks,


I am back in Vancouver. The flight from Antananarivo to Vancouver was the longest one I have ever taken in my life. Thank God that we are back safe and sound.

My first week here has been abundant. Seeing the growth of brothers and sisters over the Summer has encouraged me a lot. The trainings are more intense, and I sense that brothers and sisters are more ready. I believe that the Lord will use Vancouver greatly to bless the world.

My mind is still flooded with memories of Madagascar. When I think of the coworkers and the children, I am motivated to work harder, share more, pray more and follow the Lord more closely.



(Pictures taken during the last fellowship. We were playing Ultimate Ninja)

Appreciation

[At Johannesburg Airport]

I was tired. I sat by the window, and watched my last African sunset. My thoughts kept stirring within me as I contemplated the last rays sinking down upon the untamed African plane.

I started to reflect upon my missionary trip to Madagascar. The image of the coworkers saying goodbye to me at the airport was still intact in my mind. I recalled their faces, their smiles and their laughter. As I was thinking of them, I opened an envelope that contained all the bookmarks and letters they wrote to me. I read them one by one, and tears started to roll down my cheeks, to the bench and down below.

“I’m blessed to have a sister like you. Lovely, simple and full of love. When I see you learn Malagasy, I feel that you have a great love. You came to share the love of Jesus, you devoted your love to the brothers and sisters and the children. Karen! I appreciate you so much. I think if no love, nothing can do. Even you are tired, but you still give. I hope that you still come back. May you remember all the happy moment with the brothers and sisters, the children, the jokes…”Za mahahelo anao (I miss you).”

Your name should be: 

Karen “fitiavana” = Karen love

And in big bold letters: LOVE NEVER FAILS.”

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t know where to start. So precious to know you and I thank God that we can be in this family. God will reward you all that you have done for Him (Church, brothers and sisters, your sincere heart and your coming in Madagascar). Really miss you. I wish that when you are in Canada you can always smile and laugh just like here. Thanks for all the food that you cooked. Thanks of helping us to paint, to lead the meeting. I have many things to share but it’s better to stop because I want to cry…

So enjoy to worship with you and hear your sharing. May the Lord use you greatly so that you can open a school just like in Tana. Keep on pursuing the Lord and He will use you greatly.”

“My dear sister Karen,

Thanks to God our Abba, to let us know each other here. I like to be with you, to talk with you and I love you so much. Without the Lord, we can’t feel the warmth of this family. I hope that we can still meet each other on the earth. I so appreciate your heart towards the Lord and your love and care to me. And even we live separately, but we still strive together for the Lord’s will! Keep in touch.”

“Our dearest sister Karen,

I’m so happy to know you and serve the Lord together. You are my encouragement. You are young and you have a very good heart for God. Your fervent heart attracts me so much. Your prayers are simple but work a lot in my heart. You are very helpful. I appreciate you so much (unforgettable!) Hope you can come again! Strive for Him!”

At this point, I was weeping. I have never received such touching letters and bookmarks in my life. The words came straight from their hearts. I kept reading the letters over and over again. I felt that the Lord was expressing His deep appreciation and love towards me through them.

I am so thankful that the Lord has given me such precious brothers and sisters to restore my first love towards Him and the Church. For the longest time, I could finally love like I have never been hurt before. Love without any fears or boundaries. I experienced brotherly love in its purest form.

Love is indeed the greatest of all. Love heals the deepest wounds. Love never fails.

And it’s in one of the poorest parts of the earth, that I have found richness in faith, love and joy. Madagascar has made me rediscover the importance of a smile, a sincere faith towards God, the beauty of living a holy life and the rich love that reigns over God’s family. And that is why I consider Madagascar one of the most beautiful places I have ever lived 

Epilogue

I came to Madagascar with 8 T-shirts, 4 pants, a heavy heart and a health condition that threatened my body and soul . Upon first arriving,  I had the courage of a 3 year-old girl in her first day of school. What will I face? Who will I meet? But my fears were deeper than that. I knew that during this trip, I had to face the Lord and myself -my weaknesses and flaws. I knew that the Lord would rebuild what was once destroyed by my lack of faith and pride.

The first few weeks were rough. I had so many doubts in my mind. Is what I am following right? I feel that I am not good enough for this trip. I had so many negative feelings.

My spiritual breakthrough was a cumulative experience. The Lord was working on my heart with the things I was seeing and experiencing in Madagascar.

I observed the young boy, who despite his difficult life without his parents, was thankful and gracious towards the Lord and those around him. I observed the glow and smile of the little girl, whose sincere faith towards the Lord has made her grow over the past few months. I observed the shy sister, who despite her silence served the Lord and His family with gladness. I observed the brothers, whose sense of humour taught me that I should probably not take myself so seriously.

I observed and meditated on these things.

The brothers' genuine friendship and affection reminded me of the things I once enjoyed in the past. I was once close to a sister. I could share, laugh and trust in her freely. I really missed having that. And it made me realize that during these 5 years in Vancouver, I have not been able to form close friendships in Church. I figured out that it's not the people around me who are cold and aloof. I realized that I haven't given people a chance to know me and be part of my life. I blocked them off all for the sake of self-preservation and protection.

Result? A lack of sense belonging at church. Going to church started to feel like a chore. It did not feel like a family to me. In fact, it felt like a place that I went to fulfil my obligations as a Christian.

And then, I reached my breaking point. One night, I listened to my favourite Sufjan Steven song. It reminded me of the person who I have dearly loved in my life. It reminded me of the time where I loved brothers and sisters at church with all my heart. It reminded me of the days in which I loved to draw near to God out of my good pleasure. Some may claim that nostalgia does more harm than good, but when I recall those moments, I think of my first love. I use it as a point of reference.

I realized that my Christian life has lost its flavour, and that this life of pride and selfishness has taken a toll on me.

I guess that my sense of pride comes from seeking affirmation and approval from others. Yet, I did not seek affirmation from the Lord or from myself. This concept had a detrimental effect on my self-esteem and my relationship with others. Before coming to this trip, I was trapped in the pit of depression and self-pity.

I then asked myself:

Is this the life I want to live?

Is what I am doing good for me?

And then I came to my senses:

Karen, what are you doing to yourself? Why have you let yourself down like this?

As I was asking these questions late at night, the Bible verses came into my mind:

"Faith is the conviction of the things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

Faith. I should truly believe in what the Lord thinks of me. I should set the truth before me. It should be the pillar of my daily life. The essence of my existence. What I am living for?

I am living for Christ.

I learned that I cannot claim my life for my life is hidden in Christ. Why would I seek my value in the vanity of this world if I gave my heart to Christ 11 years ago? In order to regain what was once lost, I need to seek the meaning of my life in Him first. And during the process, I find myself forsaking my pride, the world, feelings of unworthiness...all the things that dragged my spirit, mind and body down.

I was sanctified.

It's been 2 months since I first arrived to Antananarivo, and I'm leaving behind my clothes, 7 pounds (thanks to exercise and a healthy diet), my pride and feelings. It's been 5 years since I've been so joyful and free before men and God.

At the end of this trip, I promised the Lord and myself to stand firm in what I believe in, and that I should seek the Lord with all my heart no matter what. I promised myself not to mind what others think of me because people's views will change. But what the Lord thinks of me will never change. I promised myself to seek the truth and believe in the truth only. I promised myself that I should live my life based on two principles:

1. Love the Lord with all my heart, mind, body and might.

2. Love brothers and sisters with all my heart, mind, body and might.

I know that the things I will face in Vancouver will definitely not be easy. But I have regained what is most vital for my life -I have gained my first love towards the Lord and the Church. And that alone will sustain me.

Baptism

"We fought for your souls and we've won!' he said to all of us with great commotion.

For two years, the coworkers toiled and laboured for the souls of these children. We opened the school in 2010, and thanks to the charity work (free education and food) we have been able to bring many children and their family to Christ. Today I had the honour and pleasure to witness the baptism of the first group of children.

The day was filled with great excitment, music and the love.

Happy Birthday, Melody!

Happy birthday to my dearest sister, Melody!



Sending you lots of love from Africa.